Too Late For Regrets
by DarkElements10
Summary: They did it. The boys have gone their separate ways in Minnesota to play hockey, staying in California and studying at UCLA, starting a solo career, and being engaged. But as time moves on for the four boys, it seems that they may start to regret the decisions they've made. But it's too late for regrets. They need to take their new dreams and go big time.
1. Prologue

**Too Late For Regrets**

 **By: Riley**

 **Full Summary – They did it. Big Time Rush ended and now they've gone their separate ways. Kendall is off to Minnesota to play hockey, Logan is staying in California and taking classes at UCLA, James is starting his solo career, and Carlos is engaged, ready to see what the world has in store for him. But as time moves on for the four boys, it seems that they may start to regret the decisions they have made. Kendall is lonelier than he thought he would be as he feels left behind, James doesn't think he can make it, Logan realizes that studying to become a doctor is harder than he thought, and Carlos is dealing with pressures on all sides and its starting to break him. But the four boys always pull together and make it through; it's too late for regrets. They need to take their new dreams and go big time.**

* * *

 **.:Prologue:.**

* * *

"This is it. After this, we're over."

Logan sighed heavily, tilting his head back. A towel was draped over his face, wicking away the sweat that had collected on his forehead from the exertion of energy on stage. He had to leave it all out on that stage, for everyone that had come to watch them, everyone that wanted to revel in the best show Big Time Rush could ever put on.

The last concert as Big Time Rush, their last concert as the four boys on stage together.

Ever.

"Please don't say that," Carlos whimpered from off to the side. He sat on the floor, back resting against the black wall. Even in the dim lights of being just off-stage, there was enough lighting for the boys to see there were tears already falling down his cheeks. "God just…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "Please don't say that."

"It's reality, dude," James said gently. He walked over to his friend—sans helmet—and placed his hand on his best friend's shoulder. "After this…Big Time Rush is over." The four boys looked out towards the stage as they could still hear the screams, shouts, and cheers of the fans as the light show continued on. As soon as the house lights came up, it would all be real.

The musical journey that they started four years before would be over and done with and the boys would be moving onto bigger and better things. Things each and every one of them was excited to be going into and would, without a doubt, continue to support each other with. Knowing that in just a few minutes they would be starting their journeys that would take them their separate ways for the first time since they met each other.

They wouldn't be living up the street from each other, they wouldn't be living in the same apartment, they wouldn't even be living in the same city. Kendall was going back to Minnesota, Logan was going to either live in the dorms on campus or move to an apartment closer due to the commute, Carlos was more than likely going to be moving in with Stephanie because of their engagement, and James was looking for an apartment. Yes, there was space in the house that Mrs. Knight and Katie were moving into, it was a point made so that there were two guest rooms for the boys to come back, but they were men and shouldn't be living with their parents much longer.

"No, we're not," Kendall said firmly.

He had been leaning against the wall, watching his friends for the past couple of minutes as he grappled with what he was feeling. There was a part of him that was very excited to be going to play hockey for the junior league team in Minnesota. It was the start of the dream he had since he was a kid and he knew he would do it well. But…leaving his best friends, his family, to do it?

Mrs. Knight and Katie weren't going to leave LA; it was their home as much as Minnesota was. Katie enjoyed going to school at the Palm Woods and she was starting a volunteering job with a talent agent. He couldn't have her pack up and move all over again, LA was the only place where she felt like she fit in and as much as Kendall was going to miss her, he wasn't going to take her away from it.

As all eyes turned to him, Kendall pushed himself off of the wall and walked forward a few paces until he was in the center of the room. Logan's lips twitched upwards in the corner as James said the common phrase, "I smell speech" that always came around when the time came.

"We're brothers on and off the ice," Kendall started. "And have been since Logan moved to Minnesota and we got him onto a pair of skates. For the past four years we've been off the ice and we still achieved some of the biggest and best things that we've ever managed to accomplish. Now we're going to be doing different things…that doesn't mean that we're going to stop being best friends…brothers. I'm going to be going back on the ice and you guys are going to be off it, but we're _still_ brothers. I know that if I ever need anything I can be on the next flight home or you can be on the next flight to me. We're not going to fall apart like other friendships have due to distance. We're not like those people. We're brothers for life and we always will be, even when we start having families and more than likely end up in some nursing home after some sort of plan crashes and burns."

Carlos laughed.

"Just know that when I'm out there, playing on the ice…you guys are going to be there with me just as I'm going to be playing _for_ you. Just like we're going to be there with James when he makes his music or starts acting or whatever he decides to do because he's going to be amazing at it. Just like Logan is going to become the best doctor the world has ever seen, just like Carlos is going to excel at everything he does because of his passion and enthusiasm." Kendall clenched a hand into a fist before placing his palm flat against his chest. "I don't see it as Big Time Rush is over, that Big Time Rush is ending…because _we're_ Big Time Rush and we're never going to end."

And as Kendall stood in the ensuing silence James, Carlos, and Logan all looking at him with admiration and acceptance, the screams of the fans died down, signaling the official end of the show. It didn't hurt as much anymore, not when their future was so bright.

It was as Kendall said.

Big Time Rush was never going to end as long as they were brothers.

And no one and nothing was going to change that.

The cheers slowly decreased to silence.

* * *

 **A/N:** So I just need to say like a lot of authors, we left this fandom because of bullying. Specifically Rhu and I left because we were tired of writing the stories we enjoyed—with OCs—and constantly berated for it and then when we wrote what others asked/demanded that we write (canon characters only) to get no feedback. A reader should not demand a story to be written the way THEY want to see it/complain about it on the story. If you want to see a story plot we or someone else is doing with OCs but with canon characters, then I suggest trying to write it yourself, or at least send a polite PM to ask if they'll do so.

I'm over letting the constant negativity that got to us before and while I feel it was the best thing to do, there is a part of me that was ashamed for allowing it to let me move from a fandom I loved. Having re-watched the show recently re-ignited my love for the show and the stories we wrote within it. That being said this story focuses on Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James though does have my OCs as well.

So with this story I am writing in this fandom again.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riles**


	2. Too Late For Goodbye

**.:Chapter One:.**

* * *

Kendall frowned as he looked over his open suitcase. Not only did he have a massive pile of dirty clothes casting a shadow over him nearly everywhere he moved, but there were clean clothes to sort through, his hockey gear to pack up, making sure that his flight was arranged. All of this just for a few days of assessment for a team he wasn't even sure he would get on. How many other guys would be trying out? Everyone else that had been on the team in past years as well as every other person that had gotten the letter to try out for assessment.

But they had all been practicing and playing for forever and a day while he took time off to do what? Sell a few albums that only made it to gold, went on a few tours that only had a few shows sold out, didn't get a lot of radio play? _Stop it, Kendall. You're just psyching yourself out._ He shook his head. _Big Time Rush did a great job in the time you were together. Don't belittle that because you're…_ His eyebrows furrowed together.

Because he was what, exactly?

Kendall shook his head and picked up the pile or dirty clothes, walking it over to the closet and dropped it to the floor. He kicked it inside and closed the doors as quickly as he could before grabbing a can of air freshener, opened the doors, sprayed it inside, then closed it again. He didn't have too much time to worry about getting so much of his clothes cleaned. Not that his mother didn't offer to do it, he just didn't think he could stand watching her start to tear up again. It was the first time he was going somewhere hockey related without her and she wasn't taking it well.

How many other mothers dropped everything they were doing, skipped hours at the diner, or pushed their own interests aside just so that she could drive him to each and every away game, practice, and trip his hockey team made over the past thirteen years? And his mother did it with not only him but with his three best friends and all with a smile on her face. He didn't remember ever hearing her complain, though Katie was quick to do it every now and then when she had to be towed around with all of them.

"I saw that." Kendall whirled around and found Katie standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He let out a sigh of relief, entire body visibly slumping. "I mean, I know you can be a slob every now and then, Big Brother but I'm starting to feel sorry about whatever roommate you're going to have because that's disgusting."

"Geez, Baby Sister, are you trying to give me whiplash?" Kendall rubbed his neck before he sank onto his bed face first. He rolled to his back and laced his hands behind his head. "What roommate? I'm only going to be out there for a few days to tryout. I'll be in a hotel."

"The roommate you're going to get once you make the team, duh!" Katie placed herself next to him and sat Indian style. She rested her chin on her upraised fists. "There's no way that you're not going to be accepted into that league, Kendall. You're too good."

"Yeah, and I haven't played hockey, _really_ played in, like, four years."

"So? If there's anyone that can take to a sport like duck to water, it's you."

"I think you have too much faith in me."

"I think you're scared."

 _Scared? Me?_ Kendall practically spat those words at his sister before he laughed to himself. Yeah, right. He, Kendall Knight, was scared to play a sport that he absolutely loved, what was once his entire life, again. That made a lot of sense. But Katie continued to look at him with a knowing expression, her eyebrow hiked upwards. And as the seconds passed she continued to look more and more smug. That wasn't a surprise with her, not really. She always seemed to be right about a lot of things when it came to her brother. Must've been all the time she spent watching him as they grew up. _It's going to be weird not seeing her every day._

"I know I'm right," Katie finally said once she became tired of the conversation. "You're scared to go back to playing hockey because you haven't done it in so long. You're scared that you're not going to make the team and that you're going to embarrass yourself." She held up a finger when Kendall opened his mouth to protest. " _And_ you're scared to be with Dad the entire time you're there."

Kendall sucked in a slow breath. She had him there. That had been part of the agreement that his mother had come up with when he told her about being able to at least tryout for the Minnesota Magicians that his father had to go with him. Not only to stay with him in the hotel while he tried out, but if he got on the team—at least his mother was realistic at that part, he didn't have the spot yet—then his father was going to stay in Minnesota with him as a place for him to stay when he needed some time away from the hockey team. For the first year he was to share a place with some of his teammates, every year after that he could house wherever he wanted. With the Knights having had sold their house in Minnesota while they lived in Los Angeles full time, Kevin Knight was the only one of their family that still lived there. His grandparents on his father's side lived in Kansas while his grandparents on his mother's side lived in Virginia.

He would rather not live with the man that had abused him for a short while before walking out on his family, but things were…okay(?) between the two of them. Their relationship wasn't as bad as it had been when Kevin showed up in Los Angeles the first year Big Time Rush had started, but it was still far from the relationship he had with his mother.

"It's not my fault you're his favorite," Kendall remarked. He shrugged and closed his eyes, not wanting to see Katie's reaction to his very true statement. Kevin hadn't gone as far as to do anything to Katie other than leave their family at such a young age the girl barely remembered him, she had no ill will against him other than moderate resentment over missed birthdays, holidays, and moments of achievement.

"It's not my fault either, Big Brother," Katie pointed out.

"I know." Kendall finally sat up and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I don't want to make you mad, Baby Sister. I'm just saying it's going to be awkward." He stood up and grabbed the handle of his suitcase, pulling it over. "Do you mind helping me close this?"

"Are you sure you have everything you need?" Katie asked. She watched him struggle to line the tracks of the zipper together, barely budging against the mountain of clothes inside.

"I'm sure. Mom sent over a list and Riles combed through it to make sure I wasn't missing anything." Kendall motioned for Katie to sit down atop his suitcase. The sixteen year old sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes for added effect, and dropped onto the top of Kendall's suitcase. She let out a light grunt of surprise when the sides popped up around her in comparison to her weight.

"Did you say goodbye to her yet?"

Kendall looked up from the zipper he was trying to force around the tracks and snorted. "Have you met Mom? Have you seen her lately? I haven't been able to go over to your guys' house without her starting to tear up. I'm surprised I haven't had to have her arms surgically removed from around me."

"That's Mom, Kendall, you can't fault her for that," Katie pointed out. She leaned forward and grabbed the zipper from her brother, forcing it closed. "And I wasn't talking about Mom."

Kendall chewed his lower lip knowing she was referring to his girlfriend. "No, I haven't. Not yet anyway. But don't worry; I have it all completely planned out." He reached to the side and picked up an un-opened box of tissues. "I'm completely prepared."

"With your girlie picnic lunches and pink drinks?"

"You don't need to make fun of me."

"That's my job, Big Brother." Katie smiled up at him, sliding to the floor. Then she bowed her head, her hair framing her face and hiding it from him. Kendall reached out and gently turned her his way before kneeling on the floor. "I'm going to miss you, you know." Kendall started to protest again, letting her know that he was only going to be gone for a few days but she continued. "You're going to make the team, you're going to play great, you're going to make us proud. But I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too, Baby Sister," Kendall said sincerely. He tightened his grasp on her shoulders. "But you know you can call me no matter what happens. I may not be able to pick up all the time or respond right away but you know you can always talk to me. And I'm always going to be there for you. No matter what it is." He reached out and gently tapped her on the nose. " _Especially_ if it's trouble with your boyfriend. I want to know everything, you got me?"

Katie laughed and placed her hands on her brother's. "I get you. I love you."

"I love you, too, Baby Sister." He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Come on." He patted her on the shoulder and wheeled his suitcase out of the room while Katie followed behind him, dragging his hockey bag and carefully carrying his hockey stick through the hallways. "I think this is everything," he said to Riley Jackson-McGuire, who was sitting atop the counter, her laptop in her lap. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like, Hockey-Head?" She replied. "I'm emailing."

"You're telling me that you got on my case about leaving a peanut butter, jelly, and knives on the counter and you're sitting up on it like it's no one's business?" He placed his hands on his hips as she lowered the lid to her computer, giving him a defiant look.

"That's different."

"How?"

"That was disgusting."

"And your bare feet up there aren't?"

Riley stuck out her right foot—showing off the barbed wire tattoo around her ankle—and wiggled it around. "I went surfing today, so they're clean, yeah? Besides, I was waiting for the floor to dry." With that, she set her computer aside and gently stretched her foot out towards the floor, testing it with the tip of her toe before climbing down. "I see you finally managed to get your suitcase packed, Hockey-Head. I have to tell you, I didn't know you knew how to do it."

"If you count throwing everything clean into a pile in his bag then, yeah," Katie agreed, crossing her arms and leaning against the counter. She shot a smirk over at her brother, causing him to roll his eyes. "After four years of touring you'd think he would have learned something." Her smirk widened and Kendall was suddenly very aware of how much time she had spent with his girlfriend. "You should see the closet."

"Katie!" Kendall snapped. He jerked his hockey bag out of her hands and walked it to the living room, dropping it o the floor with a loud thud. "Anyway, I think I have everything I need. All that's left is to get my plane tickets and my shoes and stuff."

"Oh yeah, your shoes." Riley's eyes widened as she placed a hand to her chest. "God forbid you forget your bloody shoes .The shoes that you and I got into a fight over for a stupid photo shoot back when you started. Don't think I've forgotten about that." With a chuckle she pointed towards the front door before smiling sweetly. "They're by the door, your ticket is on the sink, and I set your clock for when you have to get up."

"Thank you." Kendall crossed the room to her and gave her a kiss. "You're awesome."

"No worries and I know." Riley smiled up at him before tilting her head to the side and gazed at him curiously. "So what do you have planned for the rest of the day?"

"I'm glad you asked," Katie interrupted with a laugh. She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. "Because you need to hear what he has planned for you tonight."

Curious, Riley turned her attention back to her boyfriend, blowing her red strand of hair out of her blue eyes. With a smile Kendall pressed his palms together. "I was thinking because it's my last night before I leave we could stay in and watch movies and just enjoy each other's company." Katie cleared her throat and he finished with, "with a girlie picnic and pink drinks since we all know that's my specialty."

Riley looked at him for a moment before she chuckled, shaking her head. "You don't need to say goodbye to me, Kendall."

He was floored and was sure his expression showed it. As a matter of fact, he would've been suspicious of her use of his name—as opposed to Hockey-Head, boofhead, Kendork, Eyebrows, and every other one she managed to come up with since meeting him—if it weren't for the seriousness of the situation. "What do you mean?"

"Well, number one you're terrible at goodbyes. Almost as bad as you are at lying, I reckon. To the point that you usually try to avoid it as much as possible. But the other thing is," she turned to the side, resting most of her weight on the countertop and looked Kendall in the eye. "You need to say goodbye to your brothers. In the grand scheme of things they're more important to you than I am. They've been there for you longer and that's okay." She made a face for a moment. "James can be a little bit possessive of you, but that's none of my business."

Katie and Kendall both laughed. Yeah, James did have a tendency to be a bit possessive of Kendall, but they were best friends. They were there for each other through everything. Kendall slowly stopped laughing. It was going to be weird looking across the ice and not seeing his friends there. Seeing their jersey numbers but not seeing the guys they were supposed to go to.

"Don't say goodbye to me," Riley continued. She reached out her hand, placing her elbow on his shoulder, and ran her fingers through his hair. "Say goodbye to them. It'll mean a lot more."

* * *

Logan huffed in annoyance as he stared at his computer screen. With the index finger on his right hand he pressed his mouse button. The page refreshed but nothing changed. He clicked again. Refresh. Nothing.

Click.

Refresh.

Nothing.

Click.

Refresh.

Nothing.

Finally, he let out a loud cry and repeatedly pressed his finger into the mouse button as fast as he could, as if button mashing on a video game controller. The webpage started to spaz out, repeatedly refreshing over and over again, a few times the browser going white as it tried to catch up with his movements, then it refreshed once more and there was still nothing.

"Ugh!" Logan flopped back against his couch cushions, lower half slouching towards the floor. "Either he world hates me or I'm finally getting karma back for that one time I cheated on a test."

"Logan Mitchell cheated on a test in school?" Camille Roberts teased from the floor in front of the couch. Logan leaned around his laptop screen to find his girlfriend stretched across the floor in a split, pulling her back foot towards the back of her head. "I never thought I would hear that. Kendall, James, and Carlos I understand—"

"—that's because they cheated off of me," Logan protested.

"But _you_?"

"I was seven; I didn't know what I was doing!" Logan protested cringing as the memories flooded back to him.

One day, just one day of his entire school career he didn't do the reading homework the night before. And the only reason he didn't do it was because Kendall, Logan, and Carlos had talked him into playing video games the entire night before. It was peer pressure; he would maintain that until the day he died. But the next thing he knew, the four were sitting in their English class and there was a pop quiz being passed around.

Logan Mitchell was never unprepared for even a pop quiz and this time he knew absolutely nothing. Panic immediately rolled through his stomach and the hand that was holding onto his pencil shook rapidly. He had to steady his hand so that the teacher didn't get suspicious. For a moment he thought about going to the nurse and faking sick…but then how would he become a doctor if he faked it? They were trained to know everything when it came to sickness weren't they? Instead, he sat in his seat and chewed his nails, glancing at the quiz every now and then, knowing he knew nothing. Then the idea of cheating came to mind. It was a tiny idea, something that was barely a blip on his radar. But still…his friends talked about it enough.

He had heard of kids getting in trouble for it though and Logan never got in trouble. Still, his desperation won and he slowly, subtly leaned over to look at the paper of the girl sitting next to him, Jenny Tinkler. As was her habit of being clumsy, she somehow managed to fall out of her chair during one point of the quiz, causing the entire desktop to collapse upon her. As the teacher was distracted he took her paper, filled out the answers on his, and put it back on the floor, turning it in as his own. After class he told the others what he had done and they were all impressed, especially with Carlos declaring that he was glad to know Logan really wasn't a robot—even going as far as to take a list form his pocket and scratching off a name. Even Kendall looked impressed.

But the guilt ate away at him and before he knew it he was back in the room during recess, explaining to the teacher what he had done, crying his eyes out because he was so scared and guilty over what he had done and what was going to happen. The teacher, of course, had never seen anyone turn themselves in and stared at him, flabbergasted. Finally he was told he wasn't allowed to go to recess for a week and he had to have a note signed by his parents—his mother and grandmother—and that was it.

He felt terrible, but that was it. James and Carlos made fun of him for having gotten away with it—the teacher really didn't notice—and telling the truth, but Kendall looked even more impressed that he turned himself in. Looking back on it, it really _wasn't_ a big deal, but it had driven him crazy.

Logan should've known it was going to come back and bite him. How ironic it was when he was trying to register for classes for his first semester at UCLA. It was bad enough freshmen got the worst choices when it came to classes, but he had been warned about how quickly classes filled up as well as how notorious the site was for crashing when there were multitudes of students trying to register.

Camille laughed and pulled herself off the floor. She went over to Logan and sat on his lap, putting an arm around his shoulders as she pressed into him. With her other hand she gently stroked the side of his face. "You're telling me you think one little blemish on our permanent record is keeping you from registering?"

"Mhm. The Medical Gods have spoken." Logan nodded earnestly. "They hated that I cheated on that test so they decided to curse me by making me fail the MCAT and then being unable to register."

"Or you're just being silly." Camille motioned towards the computer. "The internet may be having issues, or there's an error on the page, or the website was having maintenance done and it's not finished yet." She shook her head, curls bouncing as she did so. "It's no reason to panic."

"It is _plenty_ of time to panic," Logan declared. "This is my future we're talking about."

"Well, instead of focusing on the future, maybe you should focus on right now." Camille's voice dipped to a seductive tone and she leaned in, giving Logan a long kiss. He tried to focus, oh he really tried, Camille's kisses were very intoxicating—with video proof of their failed reality show to prove it—and he typically found himself lost in them. But as he reciprocated, he couldn't help but keep an eye on his computer screen. Reaching out a hand, he stealthily tried to click the refresh button one more time. Camille, sensing his lack of attention leaned back and Logan's eyes darted back over to her. "Were you just checking the computer while we were making out?" She demanded.

"What?!" Logan let out a high-pitched giggle and placed his hand on Camille's thigh. "No, I was just."

But instead of being angry, she gave him a knowing smile. "You were just checking the computer while we were making out." She slid off his lap and grabbed his computer, pulling it towards her as she curled up next to him. "It's alright; let's make sure you get this done before you have a heart attack or something." Logan smiled gratefully and gave her a kiss on the cheek, causing her to giggle under her breath. Logan watched as Camille backed out to the front screen of the registration page. A box popped p asking for Logan's campus ID and password.

Relaying the information to her she typed it in and navigated back to the portion to register for classes. Logan held his breath as the cursor swirled in a loading circle and the page finally loaded with rows of boxes where he could put in his class numbers. "Yes!"

Logan quickly punched in the numbers to his classes and pressed the submit button. He held his breath, waiting for the page to load, each second making his heart beat harder and faster. Camille reached out and grabbed onto his hand, hoping to steady him. _Am I really shaking that much?_ Logan thought, noticing how steady her hand was against his. _Get a grip, Logan. It's not that serious._

Finally the page loaded and he let out a breath of relief when he saw the notification of 'web registered' on every class he entered. He was officially ready to start classes for his first semester. Beside him, Camille let out a shriek of excitement and threw her arms around his neck.

"You got in all of them! I'm so happy for you!"

"Thank you," Logan replied though he could barely find his voice. Finally, he let out a cry that was filled with just as much as happiness as Camille's and hugged her tightly. "This is exactly what I needed. Everything. Now I can follow my plan, declare my major as pre-med early, get into all of my science classes and before you know it, I'll be the most famous surgeon in all of the United States!"

"And I'll be by your side each and every step of the way," Camille added. She kissed him again. "I'm so proud of you."

Logan hugged her back. He had to tell everyone. He had to tell his Mom and his grandmother, and his Dad, and Mrs. Knight, and Gustavo, and Kelly, and Jo, and Stephanie, and the Jacksons, and…Logan slowly stopped smiling. And James, and Carlos, and Kendall….who wouldn't be there to see him as he continued to go through school…he would be all the way out in Minnesota…and James would be who knows where. Going solo he could be in Japan within the next few days or the UK…they weren't going to be together anymore…

Frowning, Logan leaned back on the couch, staring at the computer screen. He had always thought the four of them would be applying to schools together, getting acceptance letters at the same time, declaring where they were to go, helping each other move depending on whose orientation started first. Being just a few hours away, if no at the same school. He hadn't factored being part of a big pop band into it, he hadn't factored moving to California, Carlos not going to school, James going solo, Kendall going back to Minnesota…he hadn't factored any of that into his grand plan.

And now his grand plan wasn't going to happen.

Logan's phone buzzed with a text and Logan pulled it out of his pocket. He glanced at the message and looked around as if to find Kendall standing in the doorway of his apartment with a massive grin on his face. Instead he got a text that read: **Let's hang out in 2J tonight. For old time's sake. Just us guys.**

Camille leaned over and glanced at the text before she gently rubbed Logan's shoulder. "You should go. They're going to be happy to see you."

"Yeah, until Carlos starts to cry," Logan pointed out. "You know how sensitive he is."

"So? Can you blame him? You guys have been together forever."

"Yeah, but this is Kendall we're talking about. If anyone asked him to stay, he'd do it without a second's hesitation." Logan shook his head. "This is Kendall's dream; he can't give up on that."

"Not giving up on his dream isn't the same as leaving you guys behind," Camille pointed out.

Logan nodded. Then he smiled. It was so funny. What wasn't that long ago Kendall hadn't wanted to break out because he was worried about being left behind. But this time around he didn't want to leave because he was worried about leaving everyone _else_ behind. He was putting on a brave face but Logan knew him too well to know what he was really thinking.

"Yeah, if he did that, Carlos would kill him," Logan said seriously. When Camille gave a surprised laugh Logan followed up with. "It's a real thing. Its part of the bro code we wrote up a long time ago. Along with not dating a friend's ex and no borrowing underwear."

"And yet you've broken all of those codes so far."

"This is the only one we can't afford to break."

* * *

 **A/N:** So the way I plan the chapters to this story is to do Kendall and Logan in one and James and Carlos in another. Not only do I think it would make the pacing go by a bit faster, but that way it won't take too long to rotate through each of their plot points.

I hope you guys liked it.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riley**


	3. Too Late For Reality

**.:Chapter Two:.**

* * *

"Carlos, would you _please_ get that camera out of my face?"

Carlos smiled and backed his digital camera away from his fiancée's face as she swatted at him with a hand towel. Stephanie rolled her eyes, leaning into the mirror once more, doing one last check of her makeup, and then leaned back so she could face him. Reaching up a hand, she pushed his camera away. "And I thought _I_ was the annoying one with the camera."

"Sorry, but I want to get some stuff for our SchnoopTube channel," Carlos said. "One last thing for the fans before Kendall leaves tomorrow."

"And that's great, but you should definitely make sure it doesn't end up the same way things did when you guys went on your tour." Stephanie leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Or does Kendall's taking his laptop and beating you over the head with it not ring a bell. Oh! And let's not forget how you all nearly broke up because of who was supposed to ride on a bus with Logan."

"Yeah, well, now I feel sorry for Camille," Carlos replied. "Now that she's living with him she has to deal with everything we had to deal with." Carlos put his arm around Stephanie's shoulders as the two walked out of the bathroom and into 2J's kitchen. "Why don't you and Jo stay? I know it's only supposed to be us guys but I don't think Kendall will mind."

"We already said goodbye to him at the big party we threw him a few days ago," Stephanie reminded him. "And we're all going to the airport tomorrow. Tonight is supposed to be for you guys." She gave him a knowing look. "But please hold it off on the pictures and video, I know you're going to miss Kendall, but I don't want to get back here and see you have a camera lens shoved down your throat."

"Ha ha." Carlos rolled his eyes before giving Stephanie a kiss. He looked up as Jo got up from the couch, looking at her watch. "So where are you guys headed?"

"Out to dinner with the girls," Jo replied. She moved to Stephanie's side and slung her arm around her friend's shoulders. Tilting her head to the side, so that her blonde hair fell out of her brown eyes, she grinned at the shortest member of Big Time Rush. "I don't know about you, but watching a bunch of boys crying isn't something I really want to see."

Carlos threw his hands into the air. "I only cried once, okay?"

"I'm not talking about you," Jo said with a laugh. She motioned back towards the bedrooms. "I'm talking about James. He just ran out of his Cuda products that he's managed to stock up after they were discontinued for causing people to swell. He's having a mini-funeral for them right now."

Carlos laughed along with Stephanie at the image. James was certainly one that did care a lot for his looks. The fact that he continued to use the Barracuda products—taking out the Barracuda man spray which made him go on that ill-fated trip to the doctor with Kelly—was certainly a testament to the fact that he didn't really like change. He wasn't really sure how he was taking Kendall's leaving within the next day; he seemed to be holding up well. He didn't talk about it much. _Probably in denial,_ Carlos thought. _James was never great with coming to terms with things he didn't necessarily believe in. Like when Big Time Rush ended the first time._

But this time they weren't going to come back at the last minute and find a way for the band to stay together. This time they were going to stay broken up with one of them in Minnesota. Now that he thought about it, Carlos didn't remember there ever being a time that the four boys were separated for too long, only when he and James went to Camp Wonky Donkey nearly every summer while Logan went to some sort of a science or math camp—Carlos zoned out whenever Logan explained it to him—and Kendall went to a hockey camp. They were all doing everything they were supposed to be doing. He just wished it would all be in one place.

"That's pathetic," Carlos remarked.

"But it is James," Jo said of her boyfriend. She looped her arm through Stephanie's. "We have to get going or we'll miss our reservation. Tell Kendall we'll see him tomorrow."

"Bye," Stephanie added. She gave Carlos another kiss before the two left the apartment. Carlos sighed heavily and turned on his heel, walking to the room that used to be Kendall's and Logan's. He stopped in the doorway, finding James carefully putting empty bottles in a mesh bag. "This is really pathetic, James," he said from the doorway.

James glared up at him before protectively hugging the mesh bag to his chest. "You just don't understand me," he said in almost a hiss. "I have to pay homage to the products that have managed to make my hair look good and my body smell good no matter how much I sweat on stage."

"So what are you going to use now, Mr. Solo Career?" Carlos jumped onto the end of James's bed, kicking his legs back and forth. "I don't know about you, but the fact that you're going to be on stage alone means you have to work harder by yourself."

"I _know_ that!" James snapped back. He whipped his head around and glared at Carlos. "Gustavo and Kelly have been drilling into my head everything I'm supposed to expect by doing this myself!" He leaned forward and grabbed Carlos's helmet, which sat in the middle of the floor. "And how many times do I have to tell you to get this out of my room?!" He whipped it over to Carlos, who caught his helmet against his chest.

Carlos could feel his mouth turn down in a wounded puppy look. It hadn't hurt when James threw his helmet at him. But being yelled at when he didn't deserve it hurt. He knew James was just venting his own anxieties and anger about Kendall leaving, but he didn't need to be yelled at. James sighed heavily, turning back to the bag in front of him. He stared at it for a moment before picking it up and tossing it into the nearby trash can.

"It doesn't matter anyway," he muttered. "I have to completely reinvent myself now."

"Don't worry about it, James, you're doing to do a great job," Carlos reassured him. He placed his helmet on his head, tapping it twice, and stood up. "Even before Big Time Rush started you're the most driven guy I've ever known. If there's anyone that can handle going solo, it's you. Besides, you were the one that wanted to go solo in the first place, right? It just took a few years for you to get there. You don't need the rest of us backing you up."

James shrugged in reply, twisting his mouth to the side. Finally, he nodded and smiled over at Carlos, reaching out and slapping him on the shoulder. "Thanks, buddy."

"You're welcome," Carlos replied. He picked up the camera that hung around his neck and pointed it towards James. "Now, smile so I can get a picture of your Cuda Funeral."

"Stop that!" James held his hands up in front of his face as Carlos continued to take picture after picture, shooting off the flash into his face. "Do you not understand what flashes of light this bright and this close to my face does to my eyes? Not to mention my pictures are going to be _so_ unflattering."

"And they're all going on the internet!" Carlos declared. James lunged towards him and Carlos leapt up onto James's bed once more. As he bounced up and down he shot picture after picture, the flash halting James in his tracks each time. Finally, he jumped off the end of the bed and landed on the floor in a sprint, heading towards the front door of the apartment. All he had to do was get to the top of the swirly slide and barricade the door. James would try to get to him from the bottom but because of his lanky stature, would get stuck as he tried to twist his way up.

As Carlos reached for the door, he let out a scream as he watched it open, but couldn't stop himself fast enough. The door struck him straight in the center of the face and he fell to the ground.

"Ooh, not so tough without your helmet are you?" Carlos heard Kendall's voice from above him as he lay on the floor, dazed. Logan's laughter reached his ears next along with the high-five he exchanged with Kendall.

"My hair!" James's shriek then reached his ears. "I just used the last of my Cuda massive hold. Do you know what you've done?" There was suddenly a loud shriek and before he knew it, Kendall was lying on the ground next to him, having been dragged down by James. Logan tried to tip-toe around the group but Carlos reached out and grabbed onto his ankle, holding him still.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Nervously, Logan turned to face Carlos as he tried in vain to kick his ankle free. "I don't want to get involved," he said. At the evil grin that slid onto Carlos' face he tried to kick harder. "Come on, I'm studying to be a doctor, I can't show up to class with a black eye!"

"Good news, Logie," Carlos pulled Logan's leg and he dropped to the ground like a stone. "You're studying to be a doctor; you know how to treat a black eye!" He dragged Logan towards seconds before he felt Kendall's arm loop around his neck and pull him backwards. The four continue dot roll around as they wrestled with each other, shouting and laughing. "Okay! Okay!" Carlos finally forced his way to the top of the pile, sitting on James's back. "Why waste our energy on this? Let's play some hockey!"

"Bitters said he'll give us our third strike if he catches us playing hockey in here," Logan reminded them, his voice coming out gruff as he was squished at the bottom of the pile.

"What's he going to do?" Kendall snorted. "Throw us out? You and I don't live here anymore."

"Good point." James moved his arms into the push-up position and pushed upwards, lifting himself off of Kendall and Logan, the latter who brought in a deep breath of air and slowly crawled out from underneath the pile as if he was on a deserted island, looking for food.

"I've got to get new friends," he managed to gasp before rolling onto his back.

"Sorry, but our friend applications are closed," Carlos remarked. He rolled off James's back and grabbed onto Logan's arm, hauling him to his feet. "We have all the friends we need. Right?" He grinned over at James and Kendall, who smiled back but it didn't quite meet the same enthusiasm. Carlos inwardly grimaced and went over to the closet where their roller hockey gear was stored. "Come on, it'll be fun." He passed out their sticks and jerseys. "Same stakes as usual?"

"Same stakes as usual," Kendall declared. Now he grinned an evil grin. "Loser has to run through the Palm Woods in their underwear."

"Didn't we learn our lesson from that with our Rule of Dibs?" Logan reminded him.

"Good point." James rubbed his chin. "Okay, how about this? The loser has to give their girlfriend a lap dance."

Carlos looked at him funny. "How's that a bad thing?"

"Have you seen him dance?" James and Kendall chorused, motioning to Logan at the same time, who looked offended and amused at the same time. James spun his hockey stick in his hand. "Okay, the losers has to prank call Gustavo as long as they can until he figures out who it is that's calling him." He tilted his head. "The danger in that, of course, is that when Gustavo finds out its you, he'll kill you."

"Sounds good to me," Kendall agreed.

"How is this fair, though?" Logan whined as the four moved into position, Kendall and James vs. Carlos and Logan. "Kendall's going to become the next hockey star and you always side with him."

"And that's why it's fair," Kendall said seconds before moving forward and smashing his hockey stick into the puck they always used—a bunch of sweat socks balled together. It flew behind Carlos and he charged forward to get it. Carlos snagged the puck with his stick and shot it over to Logan just as James came flying out of nowhere and knocked him hard in the chest, sending him flying.

"That was for the pictures!" James declared.

Carlos shook his head and got to his feet. When James turned, he stuck his stuck between James's legs, causing him to trip and fall to the ground. "And that's for being a turd."

On the other side of the room, Logan and Kendall were battling each other as they tried to retrieve the hockey puck from underneath the kitchen stove. Finally, Logan body checked Kendall out of the way and drove the hockey puck to the front door of the apartment, the goal he and Carlos were to score on. As he brought his stick back, the door suddenly flung open and Bitters stood in the doorway, hands on his hips.

"What is going on in here?" He demanded. "It is against Palm Woods policy for noise levels to exceed—aahh!" Logan slapshotted the puck and the sweat sock shot forward and smacked Bitters in the face so hard he fell to the ground. "What the?" Logan hurried over to the apartment manager and picked up the hockey puck. He examined it for a minute before dismantling the socks to find a roller hockey ball in his hand. "Who put this in here?"

" _You_ did, remember?" James said. "Because you were the one that went on and on about that physics mumbo jumbo and how balled up socks wasn't going to work." He paused. "Or something I stopped paying attention after you started talking."

Logan glared at him before Bitters groaned lightly. The four boys looked at the building manager, then at each other, then back at the building manager again. "Who wants to go to the pool?" Kendall asked.

"I do!"

"Let's go!"

"Yep!"

The four boys immediately raced from 2J, running as fast as they could hoping Bitters was hit hard enough so that he didn't remember who had done it to him. Carlos made sure to grab the camera on the way out of the apartment.

* * *

"I told you, you looked fine in the pictures." James hummed and navigated through his phone back to the home screen before putting it in his pocket. He looked at Katie who raised an eyebrow, eyes suddenly turning dark. "And I _don't_ have a crush on you."

"I know," James said. He held up his hands. "You've told me over and over, you don't have a crush on me." He shook his head, trying to hide the smile that came to his face. "I'm just saying the more you deny it, the more it seems to be true." He laughed as Katie punched him hard on the arm.

"Jerk," she muttered. "I have a boyfriend and you have a girlfriend, remember?" She shook her head. "And not just _any_ girlfriend, you had to go and get Kendall's ex." She smirked at James as he looked away from her. He really didn't need to continuously feel guilty about dating Jo now; everyone was and had always been fine with it. But there was something to be said about the guy code and dating someone's ex. But another part of him wondered how she was doing about Kendall's leaving, the two had always been really close but…she didn't really like hockey at all.

Instead of allowing himself to wallow in his guilt, James turned the subject back to over to Katie. "And something tells me that no matter how far away he is Kendall is still going to be watching you and Patrick like a hawk." He smiled when Katie blushed, lowering her gaze to the floor as she always did whenever her boyfriend was brought up in conversation. James took in a deep breath and gazed up at the menu of the airport coffee shop. He preferred the store bought brands but beggars couldn't be choosers when he had to be at the airport so early in the morning to say goodbye to his best friend.

"He told you to watch for him, didn't he?" Katie finally asked once James got his order and the two headed back to their friends.

"He didn't have to," James said, confirming Katie's statement. "Considering the Jacksons offered to work with me for my first album they're always going to be around. When they're not in Australia, I mean." He looked Katie up and down. "So I don't want to see you two canoodling when my back is turned."

If possible, Katie's face turned even redder. "I can't believe you just said that."

James grinned even wider. His eyes scanned his friends as he reached the group; Gustavo and Kelly were talking quietly, probably about what they were going to do with his career in comparison to Big Time Rush's, Ronan McGuire, and Mr. and Mrs. Knight were probably talking about Kendall's hockey plans and what would happen if he was to make the team, and the rest—Kendall, Logan, Carlos, Camille, Stephanie, Jo, Dak and Lizzie Zevon, WayneWayne, and the Jacksons were all sitting together on the ground in a big circle, talking and laughing with each other. If it wasn't such an early flight James was sure they would've been cited for disturbing the peace as their large group always seemed to do, but the airport was otherwise empty.

"Yeah, well, I don't want anything to happen to you while Kendall is gone either," James said.

"You're really going to miss him, aren't you?" Katie asked.

"Mhm." James didn't say anything otherwise. He walked over to his friends, stepping into the center of the circle, and carefully placed the two boxes of drinks down. "I don't know whose is whose, just grab whatever is yours," he remarked, taking his own drink and sitting down next to Jo. She smiled at him and leaned into his side, gently rubbing his knee.

"Is everything okay?" She asked him.

"Everything's fine," James replied. Jo continued to stare at him, raising an eyebrow for added effect and he shrugged. "I promise. I'm just annoyed I had to get up and ruin my beauty sleep for this," he added, raising his voice. Kendall heard and gave his friend a smarmy smile in response. "I mean, you're going to be back in a few days."

"Yeah," Kendall agreed slowly. "If I make the team I'll come back and get some more of my stuff before heading out again, if I don't make the team I'll just come back here."

"What'll you do then?" Sydney, the youngest of the Jackson-McGuires, asked curiously. "If you don't make the team, I mean."

"Which you will," Rhuben, Riley's twin sister, insisted, brushing her purple strand of hair out of her face. "There's no point in pretending you won't, mate."

" _If_ I don't make the team," Kendall emphasized. He shrugged. "I don't know. I might go to school. I might make my own music. I might join a hockey team out here. I haven't really put much thought into it."

"So hockey has always been your end-all be-all?" Dak asked. He didn't appear to be convinced. "Even when you were doing Big Time Rush? I thought you were saying the night of the Tween Choice Awards that doing the band was your new dream."

"So you can only have one dream in your entire lifetime?" Patrick asked, defending Kendall. "I've managed to become a rock star but I still dream about meeting Megan Fox and I'm not giving up that dream until it happens, mate." He laughed along with his friends, bringing a much needed lighter tone to the conversation. James laughed along with them, noticing that Jo rolled her eyes a little. He had seen firsthand between Kendall's and Jo's relationship that Jo could get pretty jealous of other girls, but at least Megan Fox was so out of his league it wasn't an issue. Nevertheless, he glanced over at Katie to see her reaction to her boyfriend's statement but she didn't' seem to mind.

As far as he could tell, anyway. She wasn't usually so forthcoming when it came to dating, not like her best friend, Lizzie Zevon, who was dating Patrick's twin Noah, and was much more forthcoming about her feelings for the boy.

"But seriously, Kendall, you're going to make the team and you're going to do us all proud," Noah reassured him. "And prove that you can get out of Minnesota and do something with your life," he added, referring to a comment he and his siblings made shortly after meeting Big Time Rush for the first time that all Minnesota _had_ was hockey.

"It's good to know that you all think my practice of creating my own trading card was worth it," Kendall joked. "Miss. Collins might not have thought so, but…" He laughed and he and Carlos exchanged a high-five. His laughter faded and he looked serious.

James, Logan, and Carlos all groaned loudly, causing sighs of exasperation and confused glances to go around the circle of friends. "What?" WayneWayne asked. "What's wrong?'

"That's the same look he _always_ gets when he's about to give some sort of a speech," James explained.

"About how we're all brothers on and off the ice and blah blah blah," Carlos added.

"At this point we can basically time it," Logan added.

"Wow." Camille laughed, shaking her head. "And some people say motivation is dead."

"Not motivation, just the willingness to listen to it, yeah?" Riley teased.

Kendall tilted his head back, looking at the ceiling as he waited for his friends' jokes to pass. "I wasn't going to make a speech, I was just going to ask you guys something." He paused for a minute as he thought about it. "Just don't give up," he said. "On whatever it is that you're facing or want to do, don't give up. I haven't given up on this and I don't want you to give up on what you guys want to do. For example, I know going solo is probably one of the hardest things to do because all of the attention is on you. And as much as you like that attention, James, it's still all on you. I know you can do it, but I want _you_ to know you can do it."

James nodded. He zoned out a bit as Kendall went on to the rest of his friends, only hearing a few things, like how he wanted Rhuben to send him pictures of whatever she took, for Katie to know that he was still there for her and their mother, for Logan to try and talk about his studies in the shortest way possible. His mind swirled with the sudden, direct realization that as soon as Kendall stepped on that plane he was alone. In his achievements and failures he was going to be on stage alone, he would face the criticism alone.

For the first time he had met the boys he was going to be alone.

Before it was just a thought, a passing thought that moved through his head as he signed the contract with Rocque Records.

Now it was reality.

Finally, he heard the name of Kendall's flight called and he got up with everyone else to say his goodbyes. James made sure Kendall was the last one he said goodbye to. They always had the closets friendship out of all of the boys, being the first ones to meet before Carlos and Logan came into the fray. Kendall helped him get through his issues with his father who acted more like a rebel rouser and a hell's angel than a father, and James helped Kendall through his responsibility of being the 'man of the house' once Kevin had left. They slept over at each other's houses nearly every weekend and where you found out you typically found the other. Kendall was the one that talked James into playing hockey, despite how afraid he was to lose his teeth, and in secret James was the one that would sing along with Kendall to the radio. (He had no idea what Kendall had against singing in public and still wasn't entirely sure what his issues was).

No matter how many times they disagreed over something, or fought like cats and dogs they were still best friends and always would be. He just wasn't going to be at his side, right there to be able to talk to. But as hard as it was for Kendall to be leaving, James knew it had to be hard for him to be the only one outside of California where the rest of them had a built in support system with their friends, Kendall only had his teammates and whatever family as nearby.

 _He still has his family here,_ James reminded himself. _We're just going to be separated for a while._ He looked up as Kendall came to a stop in front of him and managed a genuinely proud smile, holding out his hand. Kendall grinned and grabbed onto it before the two came together in a hug.

James squeezed his best friend, his brother, as hard as he could. "You're going to be awesome, dude. You just have to prove it to the guys out there. Play hard. I love you, man."

"Thanks, James." Kendall pulled back from the hug and smiled at his best friend. "I love you, too." He started to say something else but closed his mouth and smiled again. James knew what he was going to say, he was going to say the same thing James had said to Kendall after the Tween Choice Awards, 'thanks for making my dreams come true'.

But Kendall didn't need to say it.

It was the least James could do for the guy that seemed to make sure everyone else's dream came true before his no matter what it was. And while James stood with his friends, waving as Kendall went to the gate, checked in and disappeared onto the plane, he felt he was finally able to pay his friend back.

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry it took so long for the second chapter to be put up, but here you go. So some of the friendships/relationships the others have throughout this story may be more difficult than I thought to show as the story goes on but the main focus is on Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James and their friendship/brotherhood with each other.

That being said, I'll probably have deleted scenes and stuff from this story if not have it mentioned in passing every now and then. Let me know what you guys think. I hope to have it updated again soon.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riley**


	4. Too Late For School

**.:Chapter Three:.**

* * *

"So are you nervous?"

Kendall looked up at Kevin and shook his head while simultaneously dropping a napkin on his empty plate. "No, not really," he said honestly. "Not for the try-outs. But for meeting the coaches and stuff, yeah." He shrugged, resting his elbows on the table and steepling his fingers. "These guys I've watched for years and they're the ones that are going to be looking at what I can do. _That_ part I'm nervous about."

Kevin nodded, leaning back in his seat as he regarded his son. "That and you're not around your friends anymore," he said. He tried not to laugh, "I think Carlos is taking it worse than you."

"Not really, that's always what happens when someone leaves," Kendall remarked with a light laugh. He could still feel Carlos's viselike grip around him. "You should see him whenever someone reminds me about his dog, Sparky."

"Sparky, Sparky…" Kevin rubbed his chin for a moment then snapped his fingers. "Isn't that the dog that kept running into walls?" When Kendall nodded Kevin snorted. "Yeah, that makes sense." He looked at his watch and waved a hand towards their waiter. "We should get back to the room to get your stuff so we can get going. I know it's kind of early, but it'd be better for you to get some warm-ups in before tryouts start. To shake out the nerves."

"I'm _not_ nervous," Kendall insisted.

"If you're still anything like the memories I have of you before games, then you're nervous," Kevin remarked.

Kendall made a humming sound but didn't reply. The man had been absent from his life up until he was sixteen years old, just about eight years if not more, and somehow the man still managed to know everything that Kendall didn't know himself. Or at least tried to hide. Then again this was also the man that always knew when he was faking sick but let him stay home from school anyway. But he also was the one that couldn't handle what was going on in his life and walked out on them. So why he was the one that was accompanying Kendall to the hockey tryouts he still wasn't sure. Though he had the suspicion that his mother was doing her best to try and force them to at least talk together.

If there was anything Kendall could surely talk about, it was hockey. He didn't necessarily have to try and force a relationship again, either. _But…_ Kendall watched as Kevin paid for their bill with barely a glance at the number. _It's good to have some sort of support here._

The two then went back to their hotel room to get Kendall's hockey gear before taking the rental car to Richfield Stadium. As soon as they arrived Kendall's eyebrows rose, mouth dropping open slightly when he spotted the large crowds of hockey hopefuls streaming into the building with their friends and family. Who would've thought so many people were going to be invited to tryout. _Maybe this wasn't a good idea,_ he thought, hand on the door handle.

"Is everything okay?" Kevin asked.

"Everything's fine," Kendall replied.

"Really? Because you haven't gotten out of the car yet."

"I'm visualizing," Kendall replied quickly. "It's what I always do before I go on the ice. One of my rituals."

"Got it."

Kendall let out a low sigh of relief. At least that was something his father could understand. Not only in hockey but many athletes had their own rituals and superstitions before they went to perform. Even when he was in Big Time Rush he and the other boys had their own ritual to make sure they had a good show before going out onstage. Though those were much sillier than the ones he had for hockey. Sighing heavily, Kendall pulled himself out of the car and met his father at the back to retrieve his hockey gear. He slipped it over his head just as he heard his name being called.

"Kendall!"

Eyebrows slamming together in confusion, Kendall turned around and found a familiar face heading his way, a bright grin on his face, eyes shining behind his glasses. It took him a moment longer to realize he recognized the teen from his high school. "Hey, Bomber!" He reached out his hand and the two came together in a man-hug.

"I didn't think I'd see you here," Bobby 'Bomber' Henson said, shifting his own bag up his shoulder. "Last I heard you were touring all over the world."

Kendall smiled sheepishly. "Actually, my last tour was through the US, the UK, and part of South America. I wouldn't say all over the world."

Bobby laughed. "Whatever. Once you all made it big, none of us thought you were going to come back to Minnesota other than for shows or appearances or something." Bobby then smirked as Kendall rolled his eyes. "Ah, man, of course we knew you would come back. For hockey if not anything else. You were born to play, Killer."

"Tell that to the coaches."

"Yo, boyband!" Kendall and Bobby both turned at the sound of the voice and found a small group of four teens about their age watching them. "You know these are tryouts for hockey not for the next gay parade, right?"

"Do you think you can handle it? I mean, we're not prancing around stage or anything, you might break a nail or something."

Kendall sucked in a deep breath through his nose but didn't respond. Not only was he used to bashing from his opponents as well as his own teammates, but it was already going a bit too far. He figured there was a chance people would recognize him, but not that quickly.

"Don't worry about it, the coaches go after talent not the sort of publicity you can bring to the team," Bobby said, following Kendall's gaze. "But you have to be in top shape and show a lot of heart. That's what they're looking for. At least that's what they said last year."

"You were on the team?"

"Yeah. Left Wing. But we have to try out each year so I'll be sure to give you a run for your money." Bobby shifted his gaze behind Kendall and his eyes widened. Kendall twisted his mouth, realizing what he had noticed. "Is that…?"

"Yeah, it's a long story that I don't want to get into at the moment," Kendall remarked. He cleared his throat and glanced towards the opening of the arena as the crowd continued to disappear inside. "I guess we should get going then."

"Yeah, come on."

Kevin, who waited patiently for the two to finish their conversation, pushed himself off the back of the rental car and went with them inside. He cleared his voice, speaking in a hushed tone as they stood in line at the registrations table. "I'm guessing my reputation precedes me."

"It always has, Dad," Kendall remarked. "You were never around to know that."

"That'd sort of defeat the purpose of it, wouldn't it?"

Kendall didn't reply. He merely looked around at the group of guys that continued to mill around, signing in and getting their registration information together before heading off towards the locker room. When it was his turn, Kendall turned back to the table and placed his hands on the strap of his hockey bag.

"Kendall Knight," he introduced himself.

He watched as the eyebrows of the scouts behind the table rose in recognition. "You're Kendall Knight?" The one on the left asked.

"Yes, sir," Kendall replied.

"We've heard a lot about you, son. A lot about you. You hold the record for being the youngest to hold the title of captain for your high school's hockey team. Not to mention the travel team you were part of and the number of championships you won." The man crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah, we've heard a lot about you. Heard that you quit hockey to front some sort of a boy band."

 _Why do they have to make it sound like it was such a bad thing?_ Kendall thought, suddenly offended. Big Time Rush was some of the best times of his life and everyone here was acting like it was the gum beneath their shoes. Yeah, it was kind of weird, going from something he loved to something he couldn't even admit he liked all within the matter of a few days. But he had grown to love music and performing as much as he loved to play hockey. And it wasn't like he completely gave up hockey; he practiced whenever he had the chance and continued to keep up with it, and the fitness regime he and the others had been

"I didn't" He explained. "I took an opportunity that was only going to come once in a lifetime. Just like this is. I'm not going to turn it down."

"Good to hear, son. Good to hear." He picked up a packet of papers. "Here are the leagues rules and regulations, make sure you know them front and back. If you get picked to go on the team it's your responsibility to know what is and isn't against the rules including the way you're to conduct yourself in front of the media. Though I'm sure you already have enough training in that area." His eyes shifted over to Kevin. "This your daddy?"

"Yes, sir." Kevin stuck out his hand and shook the man's firmly. "Kevin Knight."

"Kevin 'The Kanon'? Yes, I remember you, too. You've done St. Paul proud with as far that you've managed to get within your own hockey career. I hear you're a lawyer now. You ready to represent Kendall here once he gets big?"

Kevin grinned. "That's the plan."

 _Oh please._ Kendall briefly flipped through his packet and turned around, spotting Bobby standing at another table. He looked up and lifted his chin to which Kendall did the same. He turned back to his father, who also caught his eye and motioned for him to go on. Kendall took the opportunity to go over to Bobby and the two headed into the locker room to get changed.

"Has your Dad always been like that?" Bobby asked.

"Like what?"

"That intimidating?"

"Oh yeah." Kendall gave a hollow laugh. "He always has been. I guess I just never noticed it until he left." _And, you know, because I couldn't tell anyone that he was running me ragged with late night hockey practices and getting beaten with a hockey stick._ He noticed Bobby's curious expression. "I guess it's kind of weird for him to be back around. But if there's anyone that knows as much about hockey than me, it's definitely him."

"Yeah, looks like he's really putting on the charm with those scouts, too," Bobby agreed. He reached out and slapped Kendall on the back. "Don't worry about it, Killer. Even if you play half as well as usually do you're going to blow these guys out of the water. Hey, let me introduce you to some people." He motioned over to a thin, wiry brunette, and a large raven-haired guy that were getting their pads on. "Miles, Craig, this is Kendall."

"Hey man, what's up?" Miles asked with a lift of his chin.

"Yo," Craig nodded towards him. His eyes narrowed. "Have we met before? You look really familiar for some reason."

Kendall sighed; sure he already knew what it was. "My reputation precedes me," he muttered, mimicking his father from earlier.

Craig then snapped his fingers. "That's right. You're the hockey player from Highland Park that became a captain as a freshman." He grabbed onto Kendall's hand and shook it so hard his whole arm shook. "If rumors are true you have some of the best stats that school has ever seen."

Finally, Kendall felt himself starting to loosen up. "Well, I didn't think it was _that_ high."

"Hey, around here the last thing you should be is modest," Craig pointed out.

"Right," Miles agreed. "Especially because you have scouts and the media sniffing around all the time. You should know them off the top of your head, in case you're ever asked." He nodded towards the packet in Kendall's hand. "It's in there under the media section. Between you and me, though, you don't need to read that whole thing. The only thing you need to remember is that there's no such thing as bad publicity unless it's enough to get you kicked off the team."

"Oh and don't forget about our curfew," Craig agreed. He pretended to bite his fingernails and quiver in fear, causing Miles and Bobby to burst out laughing. For the first time since he had arrived in California, Kendall felt left out of the loop. In California he was quick to realize he stood out in the way he dressed, talked, and what he did for fun, especially not knowing much about the entertainment industry. But going back to Minnesota he found himself surprised to see that he didn't feel he even fit in there and he was born and raised there. "Don't sweat it, Kendall, you'll figure out everything pretty soon. Stick with us and you can't lose."

Miles nodded, Kendall finding that he was similar to Noah in that way, that he didn't speak much compared to the others. "You got a girlfriend?" He asked.

"Yeah," Kendall agreed, smiling a little.

"Cool." Miles smiled. "That's something else you have to remember. For the most part you have to present yourself as if you're single. To be available to fans and everything." He waved a hand in the air, rolling his eyes. "You should've seen when I tried to explain that to _my_ girlfriend."

"What happened?"

"She's not his girlfriend anymore," Bobby jumped in, punching Miles on the arm. "Couldn't take it that she couldn't get constant verification of their relationship online." Miles gave him the finger and reached out, pushing Bobby's head down before grabbing the bottom of his shirt and lifting it over his head.

"Don't worry, I'm totally used to that aspect," Kendall said. "I got the same lecture from Gustavo as soon as we started our band." _And the next thing I knew Jo's and my faces were plastered all over every Pop Tiger Magazine thanks to him and Kelly_ he thought. He was able to smile and laugh about it now, but back then it made him very angry. Especially since the reason the pictures were released in the first place was because of her manager trying to make fans think that she and her co-star, Jett Stetson, were an item. Even the thought of the guy's name made his blood boil.

"And look how that turned out," Craig joked. "Now you're here with the rest of us bums."

Kendall laughed along with the others and set his hockey bag down on the bench beside him so he could get dressed. Reaching inside for his pads he noticed a small indicator light blinking on the display and grabbed his phone. The first thing he noticed was a text message from his mother and Katie.

 **Mom: Good luck today, sweetie. You're going to do great! I'll call you later. Xo –Mom**

 **Katie: Break a leg, Big Brother. And remember, as your Talent Manager, I'm telling you that you shouldn't turn down any ways to get your name out there. And if anyone asks, Katie Knight represents you.**

Kendall smiled and laughed as he looked over his little sister's message. Other than what she said when he left, he knew Katie was never going to say she missed him. Instead she showed that she was thinking about him in her messages of how to make money. And to think he thought she would've been appeased when he gave part of his pay check to their mother to put a portion into the bank account for her.

Then he fielded through the messages that his fans were sending him, some noting they would be there to watch him play that day and that made him smile even wider. As long as someone other than his Dad was going to be there. And then he got to the video message that had been sent to his phone from James and he burst out laughing. James, Logan, and Carlos started off the video giving their well wishes to him for his tryout and then the rest of his friends popped up in the background, waving banners and balloons, and blowing into noise makers as if they were at a new year's party. Chuckling, Kendall made a mental note to thank them for it later and shoved his phone into the inside pocket then made work of changing out of his clothes.

"So, it's the first big day of the tryout," Bobby said to him, already dressed and ready to go. "You ready?"

"Yeah, totally," Kendall agreed.

His smile was now gone. He had to focus if he was going to play well.

Besides, how was he supposed to say he wasn't used to not having his best friends around him?

* * *

"Take a right here."

"For the _last_ time, Logie! I know where I'm going!"

Logan smiled sheepishly as Rhuben glared at him, turning the steering wheel at the same time. He settled back in his seat and did his best to keep his nerves from getting the best of him. They were about ten minutes away from the UCLA campus and it certainly wasn't the first time he had tried to direct Rhuben where to go. Though he could admit he was starting to worry a bit too much about getting there on time, especially considering he had GPS plugged in to the exact location he was to be dropped off for his meeting with the department head, had printed out directions of three different ways to get there, and had even gone as far as to find an actual road map and mark down the directions to get there.

"So I'm guessing that 'nervous' would be the understatement of the year, right?" Dak asked from the back seat where he and Noah were sitting. "Because I think your chances of making it out of the car is gonna keep dwindling if you don't stop soon."

"And he would know," Noah added with a light laugh. "Considering he's had the same thing happen. You think Riles can yell loud? It's worse coming from Rhu."

"Cheers, Bro," Rhuben commented.

Logan laughed lightly, looking out the window once more. He had thought that Camille would have taken him to the department meeting that day, but she had an audition in Burbank that she couldn't miss and James and Carlos were busy as well, both of which using the Big Time Rush mobile that day. And Logan was saving up until he bought his own car; thankfully he had caught Rhuben just when she, Noah, Dak, and Lizzie were leaving the park after playing a game of soccer together. (It also helped that Katie and Lizzie were supposed to go shopping with Mama Knight so he didn't have to worry so much about figuring who would sit where, and getting stuck behind traffic that would put them _at least_ ten minutes behind schedule and then he'd be late and…)

He had thought to call Kendall so he could get a pep-talk before the meeting, but realized he was probably in the middle of his hockey try-out. So Logan was going to have to go without it. _Its okay,_ Logan reassured himself. _It's just a meeting to say what you plan to get out of the program .To meet with your advisor so that you can figure out your schedule. That's all. It's not like you're going to completely figure out your future right now…or get kicked out._ He brought his hand up to his mouth and started to chew on the sleeve of his sweater, much like he always did when he tried to keep himself from being noticed.

"I'm not nervous," he mumbled.

"Right, I believe that, mate," Rhuben said. She pulled up to a red light and twisted in her seat to glance at him. "You need to relax. Or else you _want_ to pass out when you're your meeting, yeah?"

"I don't pass out anymore," Logan defended himself. "I just get…a little nauseous." His hands immediately went to his stomach as he felt it start to twist and turn. "Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous. But this is a really important meeting. I'm going to meet with the department head and she's going to be the one to help me figure out my schedule and if I get a good schedule I can breeze through these classes and get a great scholarship to a medical school so even if I manage to fail the MCAT again—"

"—which you shouldn't have even taken in the first place," Rhuben pointed out.

He ignored her. "Then I can get through med school, get through residency, and then open up my own practice when I'm a multi-millionaire surgeon." He paused for a moment. "Do you think that's _too_ ambitious?"

"I dunno, do you think the sky is _too_ blue?" Noah shot back.

Logan frowned, twisting around in his seat to glare at the quieter member of the Jacksons as he laughed along with Dak and gave him a high-five. "You know, I think I liked it better when he was quieter," he said.

"You can blame you lot for it," Rhuben pointed out, starting to drive once more. "If it weren't for you all then we wouldn't have ended up like this."

"With an amazing boyfriend and an even greater music career?" Dak shot back, causing Rhuben to smile.

Logan rolled his eyes but knew he really had no basis on doing so. While he wouldn't say that things between him and Dak were easy since he had broken up with Rhuben and she started dating the teen icon, they were at least somewhat better. Still some jokes that were brought up about the four of him—Camille being part of a love triangle with him and Rhuben at one point—managed to make things awkward every now and then.

"I don't think we can thank you for the music career, but feel free to take the credit for everything else, mate," Noah said, causing Logan to laugh. Rhuben reached around her seat to pinch her bother on the leg but he swatted her hand away.

"No, but seriously, are you okay? You look like you're about to throw up."

"I won't throw up, I'll be fine."

"You sound like you were saying that to yourself."

"I am."

Finally they reached UCLA's campus and Rhuben pulled into a guest parking spot. The four climbed out of her car and looked around at the campus. Logan's eyebrows furrowed. He had gone to a large public school for most of high school, raced around LA doing whatever it was that he and the other guys had managed to find themselves in while trying to keep Gustavo from finding out, and had traveled all over the world and none of those places ever made him feel as small than being on that campus was. Every where he looked there was a building that housed different class rooms and research departments all of the milling students were to go to. And classes hadn't even started yet. Some were finishing up their summer programs while others were in transitioning programs.

That's what he had read on the website that morning; anyway, just to make sure he knew what he was getting into. The campus was bright and very inviting and yet…Logan felt like a tiny ant. Maybe because he was so used to having everyone else around him all the time.

 _Don't worry about it, Logan. We're all doing our separate things and we're going to prove to everyone we can do this._

A hand waved in front of his face and he turned to find Rhuben chuckling before she rested her elbow on his shoulder, purple strand of hair falling in her eyes. "Something tells me you're going to need a push, Logie," she remarked.

"I think you pushed hard enough when you forced me into the car this morning, Sugar Plum," Dak pointed out to his girlfriend.

As Rhuben's upper lip curled Logan stuck his tongue out at her. His dimples appeared in his cheeks as he smiled, brushing her elbow off his shoulder. He had second thoughts when leaving that day that he had nearly made it back into the Palm Woods before Dak and Noah grabbed him forcing him back to her car where she forced him into the passenger seat and buckled him in.

"That was your fault, Logie. You could've gone peacefully."

"Nothing is peaceful with us around."

"Very true."

Logan looked at his watch and took a deep breath. He had twenty minutes to get to his meeting and it would take about ten minutes to get across campus. If he knew where he was going. "I have to get going," he said, turning back to his friends. "Thanks for driving me here. You don't have to stay; I can find a way back."

"It's no problem," Dak said. He put his arm around Rhuben's shoulders and she smiled, leaning into his side. "The meeting is only going to be, what, a half hour long? It's not that long to wait."

"Yeah, we'll just stick around here," Rhuben added. Her eyes shone. "Besides, I want to hear everything."

"Okay then. I'll be back soon." Logan turned on his heel and started to walk in the direction of the building the science department was in, making it only a few steps before he realized Noah was following along behind him. "You don't want to stay back there in case they start making out, right?"

Noah smiled and Logan said, "Last I heard from Dak, you and Lizzie seem to have that problem too. At least he hasn't gone so far to chase you around yet," causing Noah's smile to change to a smirk. "Come on."

The two walked along in silence and Logan nearly jumped out of his skin when Noah started speaking again. "I figured I'd have a gander at the campus. I'm graduating by next year and I should probably start thinking about where I'm going to go."

"Do you think you'll go to a school here?"

"Or back home, or maybe online, I don't know." Noah did a one-armed shrug, his hands shoved in the pockets of his black cargo shorts. "I haven't decided. It really depends on our career and everything. Ri and Rhu are taking classes online. We may do that too."

"I guess I never really thought out it," Logan said after a minute. "I mean, Medical school has always been my plan, but I never thought about taking classes online. The band kept me busy enough, but at least I had enough time when we knew it was ending to get applications sent out." He suddenly stopped walking, eyes growing wide. "What if they only want me _because_ I was in the band? What if they only want to have the publicity?"

Noah didn't say anything in response. He shrugged.

"That'd be ridiculous," Logan continued, walking again. "They even said that my grades were some of the best they've ever seen. And I do work really hard, especially since I single-handedly made every single project for the Green competition, got us out of so many jams with Gustavo,"—Noah gave him a look and he corrected himself—"okay, so maybe that was Kendall. But without me some of his plans wouldn't have worked, like getting us out to James's audition in the first place. Hmmm, maybe I should've added that to my personal statement."

Noah smiled as he listened to Logan continue to go on and on. As helpful as it was to be able to get everything off his chest, he kind of missed Kendall being able to calm him down within a few minutes. Or at least having James and Carlos laugh until he forgot his worries.

Finally the two arrived at the science building and Logan glanced at the information poster telling him what floor to go to for his department and headed upstairs. Then as Noah sat in a chair outside the professor's room, looking at his phone, Logan knocked before going in.

"Yes?" Dr. Richards asked. "May I help you?"

"Yes, Dr. Richards, I'm Logan Mitchell," he introduced himself. "I spoke to you on the phone about meeting with you today."

Dr. Richards smiled, her eyes lighting up behind her glasses. "Yes, Logan, it's so good to finally meet you!" She motioned for him to sit in the chair across from her and searched through a couple of folders on her desk before pulling out a thick one. "I was excited to know you were planning on going in a pre-med track, especially because of everything you've accomplished so far." She smiled a little. "I'm especially interested in the time you volunteered with Doctor Hollywood."

Logan tried not to grit his teeth together. It was good for his resume and applications as long as he didn't mention the only reason he was there was because he managed to prank himself in the first annual prank war.

"I've had a lot of interesting opportunities since I came here to California," Logan agreed.

"Then I guess we should get the elephant out of the room and mention your past as part of your band," Dr. Richards said kindly. "I'm sure there will be many that say you deserve to be here but you should be prepared. I've already had some faculty speaking about that and students can be even more…ruthless."

"I'm well aware of that risk," Logan admitted. As a matter of fact Mrs. Knight had warned all of them about that as soon as they announced what they would be doing for their separate careers. "And I don't care. I want to be a doctor and this is the only way I know how. With hard work. I've worked hard my whole life and I'm not going to stop now."

"That's good to hear, Logan." Dr. Richards smiled and clasped her hands together, resting them on the desktop. "Now, tell me. Why do you want to be a doctor?"

Logan took a deep breath.

* * *

 **A/N:** Whew, sorry on the wait for this chapter, I've had some other things I needed o do. But I finally got it done. So realizing that some things aren't going to progress easily in some things I had planned, there are going to be parts in this story that will be from the POV of another character outside of BTR but it will still primarily focus on that BTR boys' plot. For example, there may be a section of a chapter from Stephanie's POV about Carlos or of Gustavo's POV about James.

Thanks for being so patient.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riley**


	5. Too Late For Choices

**.:Chapter Four:.**

* * *

The loud sound of a punching bag being whacked by gloved fists filled the air. James pressed his lips together and ignored the beads of sweat that collected at his brows, threatening to drop down into his eyes. He had a few more seconds to go, he just needed to focus. Letting out a breath through his nose, James continued to throw all of his weight forward through the punches. He struck the bag at the same spot, over and over, stressing the leather that held the sand inside. Finally he punched once more and Patrick took a step away from the bag, allowing it to swing freely.

"Good job," he said with a nod. "You kept up the intensity throughout the entire exercise." Turning to the side, Patrick picked up a water bottle and used his teeth to pull up the cap. "I reckon Gustavo can't say anything about you not staying in shape, yeah?"

"Considering he wouldn't even allow us to go jogging last year I think he's trying to overcompensate on letting me work out," James pointed out. Using the bottom of his shirt, he cleared his face of sweat. "If any of my workout regimes are anything to go by. He and Kelly want to make sure that I have enough energy and endurance to command the stage by myself. And besides, I have to look good for the ladies, too."

Patrick grinned around the top of his water bottle.

Shaking out his hair, James unwrapped the gloves from around his hands and shook them out. His wrists stung, his knuckles were scraped raw, but he worked hard that day and it was all that mattered. He had to keep as healthy and fit as he could or else he would tire out even before the first two songs. Working an entire stage alone was going to be harder than relying on the others to back him up, or for him to back them up. As it was there was still plenty for him to work out; would he just be singing or would he play the guitar or piano too? Was he going to write his own songs or continued to use the ones Gustavo wrote for him? Would he get a new manager or continue working with Mama Knight?

There were so many things he still needed to decide that Gustavo hadn't even brought up since James was announced as going solo on Rocque Records. Not that the advance he received wasn't already amazing enough to keep him determined to sell a good album. His fans' excitement was already on his side and yet…there was still the chance things could fall apart.

"You okay, man?" Patrick's question broke him out of his thoughts. James came to with a start, realizing he had paused in taking off his gloves. His hands were still held in the air. "You kind of spaced out there, yeah?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking about what I was going to do with the advance I got," James explained quickly. What point was there to bring up his worries when he hadn't even really started as a solo artist yet? "Part of it is going to go into Carlos and Stephanie's wedding gift. And I'll use part of it to take Jo out to dinner, maybe get her something nice too." He shrugged nonchalantly. "I'll probably use some of the rest to get us all out to Kendall's first game.

Patrick crossed his arms, grasping his elbows and pulled them closer to him. His eyebrows rose. "You think he's going to make the team?"

"I _know_ he's going to make it," James replied. _Just like you will. Don't worry about what you don't know will happen yet. This is what you've dreamed about since you were a kid. And you're living that dream. Don't ruin it._ "Just like the rest of us are." He turned around to take a swing at Patrick's head and the younger boy immediately ducked out of the way, bringing his hands up by his face in a standard boxing stance. James did the same. "Nice reflexes."

"Let's see how good yours are," Patrick replied.

James ducked out of the way as Patrick shot a fist out towards him, then he had to back up a couple of spaces or else Patrick's foot would've hit him directly between the legs. The two shuffled around in a tight circle, waiting to see if there was an open space for them to get the next punch in. Soon the two were locked into a flurry of punching fists and flailing feet; moving quick enough to make an attempt at landing a hit but moving fast enough so they would only strike air.

James looked up at the sound of the gym door opening and closing before his eyes rested on Katie. He grimaced; suddenly remember that he promised to give her a driving lesson that day. He must've been running later than he thought.

"So did you get too wrapped up in the mirror again or are you just stupid?" Katie barked, crossing her arms as she walked over.

"Are you talking to him or me?" Patrick asked, motioning to James then himself.

Katie briefly glanced at her boyfriend before her upper lip curled. "That's cute," she said. "Real funny."

Patrick grinned, placing a hand on his chest. "I try." James glared over at the younger teen and he held up his hands, backing away before turning to pack up his gym bag. Katie then turned her glare back onto James and he flashed his charming smile, hoping to appease the situation with the movement alone.

"Katie, I know you're upset but—"

"I'm not upset! I'm freaking out!" Katie's face immediately wilted into one of intense anxiety. For as long as James knew Katie she was really good at putting up a strong front that nothing bothered her and she could get whatever she wanted if she tried hard enough. Thankfully over the years she had led that guard down around her friends and family. "I have my driving test this weekend and I need all the practice I can get! And you _know_ Mom gets really freaked out whenever I'm driving in the car with her." She reached out and shoved him on the shoulder. "Thanks to _you_!"

James tilted his head to the side before reaching up to brush off his shoulder. "What did _I_ do?"

Katie planted her hands on her hips. "Remember when your Mom was too busy with her empire to teach you how to drive and Mom said she would? Remember how you were so wrapped up looking in the mirror that you rear-ended the car in front of you, freaked out, put it in reverse, and crashed into the car directly behind you?"

Now James's grimace deepened. He did remember that. He remembered how his mother had yelled at him, how his father had yelled at him, how Kendall had yelled at him, how Logan had yelled at him…and how Carlos continued to laugh and say it was 'awesome'. He _also_ remembered how he had to do yard work around his house and the Knight's house to pay Mrs. Knight back for the damages that were caused. Since then he hadn't gotten behind the wheel of the car as he was banned from it; if that hadn't happened he probably would've had his license by the time Gustavo and Kelly arrived in Minnesota.

 _But things wouldn't have worked out the way they did if I was still allowed to drive,_ James reminded himself.

"Okay, okay, I'll just get my stuff and then we can go driving, Katie." He grabbed her shoulders and gently shook her. "Don't freak out, okay?" His eyebrows then came together as he looked her up and down. "Wait a minute, if you can't drive, how'd you get out here?"

Katie blinked then her eyebrows rose as she pointed over her shoulder. "I got a ride with Riles and Rhubes. They said they needed to get Patrick to—"

"Oh bollocks!" Patrick suddenly cried. He hurriedly put everything back into his bag, spilling water as he grabbed his water bottle. "I forgot that we have to be at the studio early today because we have a deadline we need to make. And Ronan's going to kill me!" He slung his gym bag over his shoulder and grabbed a nearby towel slinging it over his shoulder. "See you later, James." He leaned over and gave Katie a kiss on the cheek. "Bye, Katie."

Katie smiled and waved to him as he practically sprinted out of the room. "Bye, Pat." James watched him go, eyes narrowed before turning back to Katie. She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "James, knock it off. We've been dating for a while now and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Yeah? Well, Kendall asked me to look out for you while he was gone, what do you think of that?" James mimicked Katie and crossed his arms, setting his jaw to look as stern as possible. "And he's going to be gone for a while, there has to be _someone_ to look out for you."

"You guys have a major double standard going on. You realize that, right? I mean you and Kendall, Logan, and Carlos can go around talking about girls as much as you want. You can ogle fans on stage and talk about girls in the magazines and whatever music video you're watching but you freak out anytime my boyfriend comes near me. And he's one of your friends."

James sputtered for a moment then pressed his lips tighter together. "That's not the point and you know it." Finally he relaxed and gently cuffed her on the side of the head. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I can take care of myself," Katie insisted. She lifted up the driver's manual and shook it. "Other than this, I mean." She finally smiled at him. "Thank you for agreeing to help me with this. I really, _really_ want to get my license. I don't want to have everyone drive me around anymore."

Chuckling, James picked up his gym bag and slung it over his shoulder. He reached out a hand and placed it on Katie's shoulder, turning her towards the doors of the gym. "Do you plan on getting a car?"

Now Katie chuckled and patted James on the back. "Poor, sweet, naïve James. You have to be kidding to think that I don't have enough money stashed up to buy a car by now. Please!" She smirked at him. "I've had that money saved since before I was ten. I could buy _you_ a car if I wanted." James started to smile. "But I'm not going to."

"Katie, you _really_ have to lay off the online poker," James said.

"And quit while I'm ahead? I don't think so." Katie started to walk faster as they left the gym and she spotted the Big Time Rush Mobile. "C'mon! If we're going to get some driving practice in we're going to need to go now!" She stopped and turned back to James, holding out her hand, wiggling her fingers. "C'mon! Give it! Give it!"

James sighed and reached into the pocket of his bag, grasping the keys to the car. He hesitated before slapping them into Katie's waiting hand. Katie beamed and hurriedly unlocked the cars before climbing into the driver's seat. James eased himself down into the passenger seat and laughed as Katie took a full five minutes to adjust the seat to its correct height and distance behind the steering wheel.

"Shut up!" Katie snapped. "It's not my fault that you have abnormally long legs."

"Hey, something had to balance out my amazingly striking face," James declared, wiggling his fingers down the sides of his cheeks. Katie rolled her eyes once more, throwing in a head shake for extra measure. "Okay, do you know how to start the car and everything?"

"Yeah, I know that," Katie said and did so to prove her point. Then she adjusted her mirrors so that she could see herself and the road clearly. Nervously, she grabbed onto the steering wheel and waited for James's instruction.

"Okay, so start driving." He leaned back in his seat, turning his face up to the sun.

"What?!"

He opened an eye at Katie's squeak and looked at her. "You said you wanted to be able to drive and get your license right? Well, Mama Knight, Kevin, and Kendall have taken you out driving enough so I know you know what you're doing. You just need to believe it yourself. So the road is yours, drive wherever you need to go."

"But I don't _need_ to go anywhere; you were supposed to take me driving around? Not push me into the deep end."

"Well, you'll never know how to swim if you don't get pushed into the pool."

Katie gritted her teeth. She clenched her hands on the steering wheel. "But I'm not swimming! I'm _driving!"_

James winced at the sudden increase in volume of her voice. He sat up straight and opened his eyes. "Okay, why don't you drive us to Rocque Records and I'll let you know if you're doing anything wrong. Other than that, I won't say anything. Okay?" Katie nodded, swallowing hard. "Okay. But one more incentive, I need my face to stay pretty so you need to be careful of any sudden stops."

Katie nodded again and glanced around before pulling out of the parking space. She drove to the entrance of the parking lot and looked around before easing out into traffic. James watched as she merged into a lane and she headed in the direction of Rocque Records. As they continued to drive she slowly started to relax; fixing her posture so she wasn't sitting up so straight then settled into the back of the seat.

"You're doing fine, Katie," James reassured her as they kept going.

"I know," She said, voice still a squeak. "But you never know what'll happen when you least expect it."

"You can't be this nervous when you take the test or you'll fail."

"Logan's a nervous wreck and he got his license on his first try."

James snorted loudly. "That's because he studied the book and the website front to back over and over so that he could put each move into muscle memory. And that took months. Unless you want to take months to get your license and keep having all of us driving you around you're going to get your license."

Katie sighed again and nodded, relaxing even further. By the time the two arrived at Rocque Records she was even more relaxed, to the point that she was willingly singing along to the radio and dancing in her seat. Finally they pulled up at Rocque Records and Katie practically flew out of the driver's seat to the passenger side, pulling James out as he got up. "How'd I do? Did I do a good job? That was awesome, right?! Just wait until Mom sees what I can do!"

"You did a good job, Katie," James reassured her. "Once you calm down you'll be fine when you take the test." He thought for a moment. "I'm starting to get hungry. What do you think about—"

"Dog!"

James's face screwed up. "Why would I want to eat a dog?" Katie rolled her eyes and turned James around. He watched as Gustavo, Kelly, and a blond man of about his height and structure walked their way. "Oh. Right…hey Gustavo. Hey Kelly. What's up?"

"Dog," Gustavo repeated. He reached out and grabbed the shoulder of the blond man. "This is Shane Parker; we're bringing him onto Rocque Records to be your new publicist."

"Oh." James turned to Shane and nodded, holding out his fist. "Well, it's good to meet you, Shane." Instead of giving him a fist-bump, Shane grabbed James's hand, opened it, and shook his hand vigorously.

"Shane Parker," he said with more than enough confidence James thought possible. "It's nice to meet you. I've heard good things about you. My daughter loves your band and I've got to say through all of the times I watched you play live I couldn't take my eyes off you." Shane's brown eyes bore into James's hazel one as he continued to shake the teen's hand. "There's something about you that makes you stand out amongst the others. You're born to be a star."

James blinked, turning back to Gustavo and Kelly for explanation. He was hearing all of the right things but needed to be sure this guy was the real deal. "Publicist? How come we never had one as Big Time Rush?"

"You think I had the money for all of that?" Gustavo demanded. "We only wanted Kendall, remember?"

Kelly elbowed Gustavo in the side and sent a toothy smile James's way. "What he means is that we got some more money in our budget because you're a solo act. And because you're now working on your own you don't have as much time to run your own social media accounts. So we have a publicist to do that when you don't have the time and in case something goes wrong that we need to do damage control."

"I hope you're paying this guy overtime," Katie remarked with a laugh. "Because these guys are nothing _but_ damage control."

"Thank you for that vote of confidence," Shane said. He finally stopped shaking James's hands and reached into the pocket of his blazer and handed Katie a business card. "Here's my card. Let me know if you need any representation." She ignored his offer and James took the card.

"Thanks, but I represent myself." Katie reached into the pocket of her jeans and held it out to Shane. " _My_ card."

James laughed.

"Before anyone jumps to any conclusions we're just looking through some personnel that we could use for your team," Kelly said, holding up her hands. She looked over her palm pilot. "That being said there are a few others we're looking at, but at the moment Shane is the forerunner. He's worked with Green Day, Evanescence, and Atomic Kitten."

"Yes and right now I understand that we're in the digital age and we have to focus on that," Shane insisted. "I'm well aware of the Scuttlebutting and Flittering that you all do along with your other social media accounts and I think I know what can get you to the top of the map."

"Yeah, right," Gustavo said. He looked annoyed that Shane was even in his presence. "Griffin suggested him, so there's a good chance he's who you're going to be working with." He turned around and started to walk into his Record Company. "Now come on, we have some stuff we need to go over."

Shane grinned at James, all teeth and gums. "I'm really excited to be working with you, James."

"Yeah…" James said, glancing over the business card. He frowned. Something wasn't really clicking with him. "You too." James tucked the car into his pocket.

"So what are you going to do?" Katie asked, tilting her head and looking up at him.

"I think I'm going to take it."

* * *

"Cake!"

"We don't need to do any cake testing yet. We haven't figured out anything about the wedding .We only just got engaged."

"Cake!"

"We don't know how many people are coming."

"Cake!"

"Carlos, we haven't even set the date yet."

Turning away from the shop window, Carlos grinned at Stephanie. "I know, but think of it this way…we can taste test some cake now and get an idea of what kinds of cakes we do and don't want and when we tell them when we'll need the cake we'll just call back later and cancel it." He shrugged. "And it's cake. Who wants to miss the chance to eat cake?"

Stephanie crossed her arms and tilted her chin down to get a good look at her fiancé. "Carlos, that's stealing."

"No, it's not," Carlos insisted. "As far as they're concerned we broke up because you cheated on me." Stephanie gave him another look and he shrugged once more. "I mean, it's not like I would cheat on you. And I'm sure you could find someone else better than me."

Stephanie framed Carlos's face with her hands and gave him a gentle kiss. "I wouldn't have said yes when you asked me to marry you if I didn't want to be with you." Her eyes shifted to the side. "We're going to have a great life together, Carlos and I'm excited for that life to start." Carlos smiled and nodded in agreement and Stephanie looked over at the storefront. "Which I guess means one of the first things we should figure out is what kind of cake we should get. You know…just to get an early survey amongst our friends and family."

Carlos whooped and kissed Stephanie on the cheek before taking her hand and pulling her into the shop. "This is why I love you."

"Because we both like cake?" She teased.

"No, because we're both spontaneous." Carlos beamed back at her and the two went up to the counter. The cashier turned their way and Carlos smiled at him. "Hello, we'd like to do some cake tasting before we decide what wedding cake to get."

"Oh, that's no problem at all," the cashier replied. He motioned to a table in the corner of the room. "Why don't you sit over there while I get some sample slices out? My name is Carson by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Carson. My name's Carlos and this is my beautiful fiancée Stephanie." Carlos squeezed Stephanie's hand and the two went to the empty table. He licked his lips, rubbing his hands together when the first plates were set in front of the couple. "What sort of a cake is this one?" He asked, picking up a fork. He twirled it around his fingers.

Carson smiled and recited, "This one is mint chocolate chip. The one next to that is Coca Mocha in case you're really going for a chocolate flavor. But we also have Vanilla with a pistachio filling coming up after that."

"Ooh!" Stephanie's eyes lit up. "That sounds really exotic."

"It's been selling very well the last couple of months," Carson agreed. "Really great for the summer months. But I expect that trend to change. Let me know what you guys think and we can get started on some other flavors. Alright?"

"Alright, thank you," Stephanie said with a smile. She took a slice of the cake and ate it, eyes lighting up. "This mint chocolate chip one is actually really good." Then her nose wrinkled. "Actually, I don't think my parents would like this one. They're not really big on mint chocolate chip. My brother loves it, though."

"Yeah," Carlos agreed. "I'm half-n-half on the mint-chocolate chip it tastes like I'm eating toothpaste." He licked his lips and pushed that one aside before picking up another plate. "I know we haven't really started planning our wedding yet but do you think that I'll meet your Mom and brother before the wedding? I mean, you talk about them a lot but they've never come out here. And your Dad and I get along fine…"

Stephanie sighed. "Yeah, well, my Dad got to know you. Mom and Jaron haven't gotten the chance. And…well, I'm not sure how they'd feel to be honest. They're not used to me dating someone who's as…crazy as you are."

Carlos frowned, lowering his gaze. "Oh."

Reaching out a hand, Stephanie tapped Carlos's chin back up. "But that doesn't mean that they can't tell how much I love you. I talk about you all the time when I'm home and the only reason they haven't come out to meet you themselves is because of their work schedules. Mom works to educate youth through the church and my brother is very busy with his studies. They're really excited to meet you, I just…wondering…if maybe…"

"If maybe what?" Carlos pressed. "C'mon Steph, talk to me. We're getting married so sooner or later I'm going to find out." He reached out and poked her in the side, causing her to smile. "C'mon what is it? Oh, I know. You think that because of the money I sent my Mami and Papi that they're going to get us the better wedding gift, right? Well, you parents are going to be paying for the wedding and that's a great gift on its own—"

"—Carlos, I know that your Mom and Dad are really all about family and everything, but I can't help but wondering if your _entire_ family would be welcoming of me and mine," Stephanie said. Her eyes searched Carlos's for a minute. "I mean, because we're an interracial couple."

"They didn't care before," Carlos pointed out.

"Yeah, but it was one thing when we were dating. But now we're getting married and marriage makes people go crazy. I know there are things that people try to hold in before blurting it out and…" Stephanie shook her head. "I don't know, I guess I'm just starting to feel the wedding jitters even though we haven't even started planning yet."

"Well, that's normal," Carlos said. He chewed his lower lip. "Actually, I wondered the same thing about your family. But then again, I worry about that with a lot of people." He kept going before he could stop himself. "With Kendall, Logan, James, and me…ever since we were kids I always felt like people were pushing me aside. Logan was the smart one, Kendall was the sensible one, and James was the outgoing one. I was just there at the side as the 'crazy' one that would do anything on a dare." Which was pretty true, most of his scars, bruises, bumps, cuts, and broken bones had been because of a dare or because he had the sudden feeling of wanting to climb that tree, jump from the highest branch to the next, push himself to the limits he never knew he could reach.

While in Big Time Rush he did the same thing, put himself into everything that came their way. But his excess energy made him a distraction, someone that wasn't worth Gustavo's time on more than one occasion. Despite now being close to the music producer he still wasn't sure how close he really was. If anything he was closer to Kelly as he had dragged her into his own zany schemes more often than anyone else. _You're just overreacting, Carlos,_ he thought. _You're worried about nothing. The wedding is freaking you out because you know things are going to change…things are already changing._

Clearing his throat, Carlos continued. "And I don't know, I guess I worry that that's how everyone in your family is going to see me, too." Stephanie frowned and Carlos reached out, rubbing her knee. "But its okay, just as long as we're together it doesn't matter, right?" He leaned in and gave her a kiss. Pulling back, he kept his face near hers. "I promise, we'll be okay," he whispered.

Finally, Stephanie smiled again, turning and pressing her cheek against his. "I believe you," she replied. Then her eyes lit up. "As a matter of fact, I'm already getting started on the choreography of our wedding dance and it's going to be hot!"

"Seeing you in your wedding dress will be hot enough," Carlos pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah, but then I was thinking of getting some flip cameras so the guests can make their own short films of the day. _And_ ," she held up a finger, "I'm filming our wedding in the form of a short film so that our guests can have that as a souvenir just as much as the day itself."

Now a grin crept across Carlos's face. "Seriously, Steph, with your cinematography and dance skills, this is going to be the best wedding that anyone has ever gone to!" He held a hand up in the air. "And if it's not, let's at least hope that our friends' weddings are worse than ours."

"Deal."

Carlos and Stephanie clinked their forks together and started to eat again. They went through their plans of how many guests they were going to have; from his family, Stephanie's family, his friends from the music industry, Gustavo, Kelly, and all of their friends it was already starting to seem like they were going to have a big ceremony.

"We're going to need to set a date soon," Stephanie pointed out. "So we can make sure everyone can come."

"Can't do that until we figure out if Kendall can come," Carlos said quickly. "I'm not having a wedding without all three of my best friends there." Stephanie looked like she wanted to say something but decided against it. "Do you think he'll be able to go?"

"That really depends on what his schedule would look like once he makes the team," Stephanie said slowly.

"Is it bad that I kind of wish he doesn't get it?" Carlos immediately sucked in a deep breath, his stomach clenching as the words came out of his mouth. He didn't _really_ mean it. He didn't ever want to be what stood in the way of his friends' happiness. It was why he decided to go to LA with the others, not just because Kendall was taking them all, he wanted to escape the cold, and he wanted to meet as many girls as he could, but because he wanted to help James's dream come true, too. "I mean, he's so far away…this is the longest we've ever been apart."

"It's the longest you and your parents have been apart, too," Stephanie pointed out.

"Yeah, but everyone here is like family now, Kendall's all alone. I mean, he's with his Dad but that's no big thing. I'd be surprised if Mr. Knight manages to make it back alive from Minnesota." He shook his head. It was still so hard to see James, Logan, and Kendall all have issues with their fathers when his father was his best friend. Comparing their lives, Carlos's was pretty much perfect . As long as he could remember he tried his hardest to make his best friends have fun so they would forget about their family issues. That's what he was good at. Now he couldn't do it. "I'm sorry; I don't mean to be such a downer. We have a lot of cake to eat and we're going to get a damn good wedding cake."

"Or you know what would be cheaper?" Stephanie pointed out. "If we got Riles and Rhubes to make it for us."

"Yeah, but then we wouldn't get another gift from them," Carlos pointed out. He stuck his fork in his mouth, sucking on the tongs. " _And_ we wouldn't be able to do a free cake test." He smiled, already feeling the energy of the Coca Mocha kicking in. He was going to need to burn off the excess energy later.

Stephanie looked up, making a face when she noticed Carlos staring at her. "What?" She asked.

"Nothing," he replied. "I just love you."

"I love you, too."

Not to mention he had a surprise for her, and for the rest of their friends. A surprise that would give each of the boys something to do to at least keep their attention away from wondering how everyone else was dealing with things and wondering if they were the ones slowly being left behind.

* * *

 **A/N:** Don't worry, for those wondering Sydney, Ronan, and Mrs. Knight haven't been forgotten. They're coming in soon.

 **-Riles**


	6. Too Late For Worrying

**.:Chapter Five:.**

* * *

Mrs. Knight used both of her hands to push her hair back from her face. Or maybe it was to wipe away the sweat that collected at her brow. Or to check and make sure there was enough food to feed everyone that gathered in the living room. Or she was trying to hide herself to keep everyone from seeing her cry again. She couldn't help it, she was proud and scared. Proud that Kendall had made the team and was going to live his dream playing in the junior league. But scared because it was the longest he was going to be away from his family. Nine months. He was going to be gone for nine months.

The longest they had been apart was only a few days. If she could hardly get through him house-sitting for Gustavo's mansion—which admittedly didn't go the way they had hoped—how was she going to deal with him moving back to Minnesota. Okay, so it wasn't entirely his leaving that was the problem, but more so that she wasn't going to be with him and Kevin was instead. She hated her ex-husband was going to be around him alone. The two were still at odds with each other and every time it appeared they were making progress, they took five steps back.

Kendall was stubborn, that much was obvious. And he was still very wounded about his father having walked out on them ages ago. He still didn't completely know the reasons why their marriage had fallen apart, but the abandonment hurt much more than he would like to admit. She could still see it, though. No matter how much he tried to ignore it.

With a sigh, Mrs. Knight picked up a dishtowel and started to wipe down the already clean counters. Since it was only her and Katie living in their new house, there wasn't so much for her to clean up. No mess the boys left behind; no empty glasses, dirty laundry, or piles of shoes left everywhere to be disgusted by and trip over. It was a great place to live and she was thankful Ronan and the Jacksons had bought it for them but it was far too quiet with only the two of them there. And far too clean. Even with the party going on in the next room she knew it wasn't going to be messy enough for her to be needed.

Was it so bad to want to be needed?

"I'm assuming it's not the smell of dirty feet that's caused you to leave the room again," Ronan commented as he walked into the kitchen behind her. He tilted his head to the side, watching her, and then burst out laughing. "Who cleans in the middle of a party?"

"Someone who does it to try and keep their anxiety down," Mrs. Knight replied with as much attitude as she could muster. When Ronan continued laughing she rolled her eyes and turned to face him. "Did you want something?"

"I don't want your attitude, I can tell you that," Ronan replied, though he was still smiling. "I saw you leave the room pretty quickly and thought that something might be wrong." He pulled out a chair at the table and sat down, stretching out his legs underneath the deep mahogany. "I don't think knowing that Kendall made the team is easy to deal with."

Mrs. Knight found herself smiling. That was one thing she liked about Ronan; he didn't beat around the bush but he also didn't press anyone on a subject they weren't comfortable speaking about. If she didn't want to spill her guts she could say so and the two could sit in silence as long as she needed. But this was something she needed to talk about.

"Being a parent can be really hard, sometimes," Mrs. Knight admitted. "Sometimes I wish Kendall was easier to deal with; where all he wanted to do was go to college and get an education and do something. Hockey was not something I thought he would stick with for so long, to be honest. I mean, I've seen kids change their minds about things they wanted to be when they grow up over and over again. But not Kendall, he's always been headstrong about playing hockey."

Ronan grabbed a napkin that sat in the holder in front of him and started to tear it up in little pieces. He looked over towards the entrance to the kitchen. He laughed, hearing the sound of Gustavo's yelling raise over all of the laughter. Stricken, Mrs. Knight started towards the living room, moving at high speeds.

"They're just playing a card game," Ronan called, easing her nerves. "If anything, Gustavo may have just lost some money to Katie."

"That's Katie all right. She wants to rule the world more than anything else."

"Can't say she doesn't have some sense of ambition as well."

"Yeah, watch that skyrocket into complete world domination within the next few months and we'll see how you feel then."

Mrs. Knight's eyebrows furrowed together. Did she really sound that snippy? That…unwound? Were her insecurities really coming out in her voice as much as it sounded? If so, she really needed to figure out how to fix that. _You learned that since you got here, you can't let other people figure out how you're really feeling about everything._

"What's going on, Kace?" Ronan asked gently.

Mrs. Knight tilted her head back, allowing her ponytail to brush down her back. She brought her hand up rub her neck and closed her eyes. May as well get it off her chest now or else she would have to deal with bigger things if she kept it in too long. "I'm worried," she admitted.

"It's normal for you to be worried about Kendall leaving the nest," Ronan pointed out. "If he were going to be going to college here in California he and Logan would be able to live on campus but still come back here when he needed laundry done. But now that he's going to be in a completely different state, when you and Katie have your careers here—"

"Ha!" Mrs. Knight interrupted. "What career?"

Ronan gave her a 'duh' look. "You have to keep watching James, Logan, and Kendall until they're twenty-one. I mean, they can make their own decisions but you still have to look out for them. Carlos you know really needs you to talk to especially with the wedding coming up and his parents not being here, you're James's manager; Logan's going to need someone to come to when he needs someone to talk to. And Katie's finishing up school; she'll be done in two years. You wouldn't want to rip any of that away from them." He thought for a moment. "I mean, I've only been a parent for just about two years now and having a set routine, trying not to shake that too much is what helps the most."

"So you're saying it would've been a better idea to keep Kendall here for another year?" Mrs. Knight's eyebrows rose. She couldn't imagine that at all. Kendall would kill her if she tried.

"No, I'm just saying your feelings are justified."

Mrs. Knight made a sound of agreement then went back to wiping the counters once more. She made a few more passes over the counter before admitting, "I'm worried."

"Well, I'm sure that Kendall's going to get hurt no matter what position he plays on the team—"

"No. I'm worried that Kevin being in Minnesota is going to drive an even bigger wedge between him and Katie," Mrs. Knight said, turning and leaning on the counter. She crossed her arms then practically barked, "What?"

"Nothing," Ronan replied. He paused then couldn't help but say. "I mean, your guys' family life is really none of my business."

"Ronan, we're dating, so it sort of is your business," Mrs. Knight pointed out. She tossed a dishtowel his way before sitting in the seat across from him. "I can tell you're trying not to give your two-cents, but like Kendall, you can't help but give advice when you think you need to."

Ronan smiled. He looked away for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "Again, I don't think this is any of my business," he said as a disclaimer. Mrs. Knight waved a hand, urging him to continue. Then he took in a breath and said, "To be honest, I don't think Katie has to worry about Kevin not being around. As far as I can see, she and Kevin had a pretty good relationship and I don't see much tension between them and I think that's because she was too young to realize that he was really missing anything. I don't think she needs to worry about having a relationship with him rather than having one with you."

Mrs. Knight blinked twice. What? A relationship with _her?_ Their relationship was just fine. "I don't follow," she said slowly.

"I mean, Katie doesn't need a father figure in her life. She has Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James to take over that position, even me if she wants. I don't really care and I'm not going to breach that topic unless she does it first. But since you guys came out here, and this is just what I've noticed, you seem to be more of her friend than her mother. You haven't really set any boundaries for her; how many kids know how to upkeep their own bank account and gamble at ten-years-old, how many kids get away with stealing money from Gustavo not just once, but twice, and the second time being when he was in a state of shock. And except for the time that you went on strike, you basically let her get away with doing or saying whatever she wants. Because of Kendall being the big breadwinner for you guys for a while, because he's been so out in the open _and_ you taking over the role of being a mother for James, Logan, and Carlos because you're their legal guardian out here until they turn twenty-one, you've focused so much of your attention on them that I'm worried Katie feels like she's not getting that attention from you at all."

Mrs. Knight grimaced, pressing her fingertips against her forehead. She found him saying everything she worried about as long as she could remember. Did she spend too much time with Kendall's hockey team, driving him around, making sure he got to practice on time, and dealing with the pee wee hockey bake sales and other excursions? But at the same time she could say she and Katie were close; they weren't on weekend trips together, hung out at the Palm Woods together, worked on their own schemes when the time came, and supported each other with everything that came their way. She helped Katie with her acting career with the jobs that came up and Katie had certainly stood up for her against Bitters on more than one occasion.

In a way, she felt she was closer to Katie than Kendall because of how much she could do for Katie as a mother. She didn't feel a connection with Kendall and hockey, other than being a proud mother that would help him as he needed it, compared to Kevin who knew absolutely everything about hockey when hockey was Kendall's life. And as he has to grow up fairly quickly, moving into the 'man of the house' role when he got old enough and became more independent than she expected.

"Look, Kace, I didn't mean to upset you," Ronan said, realizing how long she had been quiet.

"You didn't," Mrs. Knight reassured him. "It's something I've thought about for a long time. Being a single parent it can be hard to show an equal amount of attention to my kids. Especially because Kendall needed to go so many places because of the hockey team and I've had to drag Katie along. But at the same time, Katie has never really shown that she's ever needed or wanted me. And to be honest, that's really hurt my feelings."

"Well, as horrible as this is to say, maybe once Kendall's gone you two can find out what your relationship with Katie can be," Ronan said. He reached out and took her hands in his, squeezing them firmly. He gently ran his thumb across the back of her hand. "And I don't mean to completely deflect your fears that Katie's and Kevin's relationship is going to get harder, but it seems pretty strong to me. She's always excited when he's around, though is careful of Kendall's feelings as well."

"I know what you mean," Mrs. Knight agreed. She smiled before leaning across the table and giving him a quick peck. "I just…I really need to sort out what I'm feeling. I think, maybe, I'm just really emotional. Not just because of Kendall's leaving but there's also getting Kevin's and my divorce finalized…" Ronan's eyebrows rose and Mrs. Knight looked away for a minute. "I shouldn't have brought that up right now. But in the back of my head I've always thought maybe we could work something out, but I don't want to work them out anymore, I want to move forward."

"If that's what you want," Ronan said.

Mrs. Knight rolled her eyes and dropped her hands into her lap. "You can't ever come up with anything other than 'it's not my business' and 'if that's what you want' can you?"

Ronan thought for a moment then laughed. "That just proves I spend wayyy too much time with my kids."

"I could've told you that." Mrs. Knight looked at her watch. "Well, I need to find Kendall so that I can get my crying out of the way now before he leaves later tonight. Knowing him, he probably has too much packing that he needs to do before he goes and one thing that I'm certainly not doing anymore is packing for him."

Ronan nodded and Mrs. Knight got up from her seat, ducking her head into the living room. She smiled when she spotted Gustavo, Kelly, James, and Camille all blindfolded with different bowls of food place in front of them. WayneWayne stood off to the side looking at a notebook and Sydney standing on the other side of them with a whistle to his lips. She really wanted to know what they were doing but figured for her sanity it was better that she didn't ask, and instead kneeled down by Katie and Lizzie, whispering, "Do you know where Kendall is?"

"He went to the basement, like, five minutes ago," Katie replied. "I think he may have been upset that Gustavo is beating him at game for once." Lizzie nudged her in the side and the two burst out laughing. Mrs. Knight smiled and smoothed Katie's hair back before leaving the living room and going to the basement. She made it halfway down the stairs then stopped, hearing Kendall's and Riley's voices. She thought about going back upstairs and giving them some privacy but couldn't help but become worried, hearing the exasperation in both of their voices.

She sat down on her step, giving her the vantage point to see Kendall leaning against the back of the leather couch, arms and legs crossed, while Riley stood in front of him, arms crossed as well.

"You're lying," Kendall said. "And I don't want to leave for my flight knowing that you're lying to me."

"I'm not fucking lying to you, Kendall," She insisted, her voice showing the most irritation Mrs. Knight had heard her. They either had this conversation for a long time if not having had gone around in circles over the topic. "I've told you over and over that I'm excited you made the team."

Kendall licked his lips then pressed them together. "I can tell when you lie. You haven't looked me in the eye all day."

Riley gave him an exasperated look. "I can't look you in the eye on a _good_ day," she snapped. "You're too tall for me to be able to look in the eye, yeah?" Mrs. Knight could see that Kendall was trying his best not to burst out laughing. Her exasperation at the conversation must've gotten to her because Mrs. Knight didn't think she'd ever admit, "And besides, my eye twitches when I lie."

"Thought so." Kendall uncrossed his arms, pressing his palms into the couch. He looked her in the eye. "Because your eye has been twitching for the past hour and I was waiting for you to admit it." Riley looked like she just swallowed a bug. She looked away from Kendall, turning her attention to the ground. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why do you think?" Riley shrugged. "None of this has to do with me or is about me. It's about you. And honestly, Kendall, at this point I think you're grasping at anything that would keep you back here." Finally she lifted her head and looked him in the eye. "What's holding you back is the thought that something is holding you back," Riley pointed out.

Kendall's eyes shifted, his eyebrows lowered, and he brought a hand up to run it through his hair. Finally he asked, "What do you mean?"

"Okay." Riley pressed her palms together and tapped her fingertips against her chin. She was silent for a long moment, thinking of what it was she was trying to say. "You've wanted to play hockey for as long as you could remember. You may have even been _born_ wanting to play hockey as far as I can tell. That's what you want to do. But you're letting your fear of leaving everyone and everything you know hold you back. You want to move forward but you're stopping yourself. To be able to move forward, you have to learn how to let go. It's hard, I get that. But the energy you're putting into holding on to everything you know is hurting you. You have the choice; what do you want to let go?"

Kendall reached out and framed Riley's cheeks with his hands. "I'm not going to let go of you."

Riley laughed and reached up, placing her hands on his arms. "How long have you been holding onto that one? That was so freaking cheesy." She let out a sigh through her nose. "Will you let me know when you get there? By then I'll only just be leaving the apartment so I'll grab anything for forget and sent it to you." Kendall gave her a look and she returned it with one of her own. "You know Ronan's rule. If you're not at the apartment with me I go back home."

"It wasn't that," Kendall reassured her. "I was just wondering what it was I could be forgetting. But chances are I'm forgetting everything, so…" He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers. "I'll call you when I get there and at least once every few days." He sniffed. "And no matter how tired I am or how busy I am I'll be there for you if you need anything. I promise." Riley smiled and looped her arms through his, resting them on his shoulders as he wrapped his around her back. He rested his chin atop her head. "If I don't do well…will you still be proud of me?"

"The only way I wouldn't be proud is if you didn't even try," Riley remarked. "But you better kick ass or else I'll kick yours." She poked him in the chest with each word, causing him to chuckle. "In case I haven't said it before, Hockey-Head, I _am_ going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you, too." He paused for a second. "Do you still not want me to say goodbye to you?"

"If you don't say goodbye to me, I'll kill you," Riley said frankly.

"Thought so." Kendall chuckled. He reached out and tilted her head upwards, her chin resting on his chest. "Bye," he whispered.

"Bye," Riley whispered back.

Mrs. Knight carefully and quietly stood up, backing up the stairs. Once she was at the top she quietly cleared her throat before calling down, "Riley, may I see you for a moment?"

It took a second for her to respond, "Sure thing, Mama Knight." Backing away a few steps, Mrs. Knight waited for Riley's footsteps to come up the stairs before she appeared, sniffing quietly and wiping at the corner of her eye. "What's up?" She asked, sliding her hands into the back pockets of her jeans.

Mrs. Knight looked her in the eye and said, "Sweetie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I overheard yours and Kendall's conversation." She watched Riley's face as she spoke, lowering her voice. "But I can't help but get the feeling that you don't want him to leave." It took a moment before Riley slowly shook her head. "At all." Riley shook her head again. "And you're not going to tell him." She continued to shake her head.

Mrs. Knight gave the teen a sad smile, gently brushing her hair from her face before encircling her with a hug. "Aw, sweetie, I know exactly how you feel."

She didn't want him to leave either.

* * *

"Okay…Logan, I don't think you're going to need to know who invented the stethoscope," Sydney remarked, flipping a notebook page over. He looked up towards Logan and made a loud groaning sound when he realized Logan was deep in thought, trying to figure out the answer to the question. "That wasn't a challenge, mate, I was telling you what you _didn't_ need to know." Logan continued to ignore him. "And to think you asked me to quiz you on this stuff just because you were afraid you _didn't_ know anything."

Logan continued to think then snapped his fingers, saying, "The stethoscope was invented by René Laennec in 1816. He had a female patient that he was tending to and became embarrassed to have o put his ear on her chest so he made paper tubes put together to amplify the sound of her heart." He paused for a minute. "He was French."

"Yeah, I kind of got that when you freakishly rolled the 'R' on Rene," Sydney pointed out with a half smile. Logan smiled back though made a mental note, _Work on your French._ Sydney put the papers down and shoved them towards Logan. "Logie, you're going to be fine. You don't need any extra coaching or studying. The first few days are only for reading the syllabus and getting to know the rest of the students there."

"He's right," James agreed, coming up behind him and looking at the sheets of paper over his shoulder. "Remember how many times we had to do that in high school?" He shook his head, taking a swig of a dark, clumpy liquid in his water bottle. "What a waste."

"How was that a waste?" Logan asked, nose wrinkling. Clearly James didn't understand the point of the ice breaker games and everything. _He_ got the point and while he could admit there were many times he felt they were stupid and a waste of time—especially when the entire class consisted of people they already knew—but understood he merit in it. "It was practice for networking with other people. Besides, our high school was so big there was always someone new to meet."

"True," James agreed. He looked thoughtfully towards the ceiling. "I _did_ meet a lot of girls that way." He looked over as Jo made a 'humph' sound and stomped out of the kitchen to the room she and James shared, slamming the door shut behind her. "Ooh, probably shouldn't have said that with Jo still here."

"You really need to learn tact, mate," Sydney pointed out. He turned back to Logan and rested his chin on his crossed arms. "So do you think you'll be able to get through an entire school day without having to go to rehearsal or anything right after?"

School was his favorite place in the world, so why wouldn't Logan be excited for it? Then again, Sydney had a brighter outlook on life. Not only was he in a band that was still working out, but he was able to balance it with his school and personal life along with the man projects and papers he was writing. Logan always thought of himself as smart but having met Sydney, who was an actual certified genius, opened his eyes to everything he could do once BTR ended.

 _I can't believe it came so fast,_ Logan thought, gathering his books together. He always joked that he would be helping the other guys with their school work straight through college and here it was. His first day at UCLA and he didn't have any of them around him.

"I think I'll be fine," Logan remarked. "Anything other than Gustavo constantly screaming at me, I'll be fine," Logan remarked. He looked at his watch and shoved everything into his backpack faster. "Actually, I have to get going now."

"Logan, you'll be an _hour_ early," Sydney pointed out.

James shook his head, placing his hand on the young boy's shoulder. "Don't even try. We've been telling him that his punctuality is over the top of everything but he doesn't listen to us."

"That's better than us," Sydney commented with a smile. "We're almost always late." His eyebrows scrunched together. "Are Steph and Carlos still asleep? I figured they would have wanted to tell Logan good luck on his first day."

"They were up late doing some more wedding stuff," James explained. He waved a hand. "I don't really care unless he asks my opinion on the wedding cake."

"You don't want it to be a wedding _cake_ , you want it to be a wedding _pie,"_ Logan pointed out.

"There's nothing wrong with a pie," James defended himself.

"It is when you're on a diet," Sydney pointed out. Logan nodded as if to say 'he has a point'. "Anyway, Logan, you're going to be fine. You've studied more than you ever need for the first day, you're already on a good rapport with some of your professors, your department head said you gave a good answer to why you want to be a doctor, and you have nothing to worry about."

Nothing to worry about. Yeah, right. So his shaking hands, exhaustion, and barely concealed bags under his eyes was 'nothing to worry about'. Logan knew there was a lot of work that had to be done to be a doctor and a _good_ one at that. He hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. Quite literally. No sleep at all since they had gotten back from Kendall's party and he left for Minnesota with all of his belongings. As soon as he arrived back to his and Camille's apartment he grabbed his MCAT results, looked over every answer he got wrong and drilled the correct answers in his head. Then he took his textbooks for his classes and read through them, taking notes in the margins. Then he read them to be sure he understood them and next thing he knew, the sun was peeking up over the horizon once more and he was off to the Palm Woods so that he could drive himself to campus and James could use the car until he needed to get off campus once more.

All he could do was take a five hour energy shot and wash his face, hoping to reduce the bags and redness of his eyes. He had called for Sydney's help, knowing he would be the only one to take the last minute cram session seriously as well as knew he would be awake for his early morning of home schooling. He felt prepared but…he was very aware of how competitive his track was as well as what it meant to be going to college. Neither of his parents went and he knew from a young age he wanted to make them proud and be as successful as he could be.

This was just the first step.

"Yeah, I guess," Logan agreed. "But I have to get going. Thank you so much for your help, Syd." He held out his hand and smiled as Sydney grinned and slapped his palm against Logan's. "When I win a grant to do research on any topic of my choosing, I'll make sure you're on my team."

"Oh, you don't need to do that," Sydney remarked. His smile widened, dimples appearing in his cheeks. "Just give me half of your Nobel Prize winnings…if I don't win it first."

"Ha." Logan got up and headed towards the door as there was a knock on the door. He pulled it open and blinked when he found his father standing in front of him. "Dad," he said in surprise, eyebrows rising. "What are you doing here?"

Charlie Mitchell grinned in response, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "It my son's first day of college, you think I wouldn't want to see you off?" For a moment Logan felt embarrassed, much like he was going to first grade rather than freshman year of college. Then he felt a sense of warmth slide through his body. His father was working hard to get through his past and this was just a step in the right direction despite how estranged he and Logan could be. "Are you ready to go?"

"Mom couldn't come down?" Logan asked.

Charlie shook his head. "You know the business of a real estate agent never ends," he pointed out. "But she says she'll call you later to see how your day went. So?" He reached out and gently shoved Logan on the arm. "College man, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah!" Logan jumped as Sydney suddenly appeared at his side like a silent ninja. "Are you ready to go?"

"Is it normal to have a heart attack before going to school?" Logan asked, bringing a hand up to his chest.

"It is if you're Carlos and are already failing a class before you even go to school," James pointed out. He looked up and gave an apologetic grin to Jo as she left their room seeming to have calmed down. She gave a tight-lipped smile in reply before bringing up her hand and gently patting him on the side of the face.

"Sophomore year, right?" Logan asked and nodded as James concurred. "I remember that."

"How is that even possible?" Jo laughed.

"It's Carlos," Logan said. "That should explain everything." He laughed along with his friend and picked up his backpack, pulling it up his shoulders. "I'll see you guys later." As his friends called goodbye back to him Logan nodded to his father and left the apartment.

He was fine. He'd be okay.

Just as soon as his hands sopped shaking.

* * *

 **A/N:** I actually went back and forth over and over again trying to figure out whether or not I wanted to show Kendall at the try-outs and actually get on the team (since we all know it happens). I originally had the chapter show it, but then decided to put it into a different chapter.

And then for Logan's part I originally had it where he was working on his school work with Riley and Rhuben, but then changed it to Sydney because (apart from not showing him a lot since the story started) he made more sense in academic terms. But that being said, I know this chapter was heavy on Kendall and the next one that's between Kendall and Logan will be heavy on Logan to make up for it.

 **-Riles**


	7. Too Late For Withdrawing

**.:Chapter Six:.**

* * *

"Is it bad that my morning routine takes just about as much time as yours does?" James asked, leaning into the mirror so that he could get a good look into the mirror while he rubbed moisturizer over his face.

"You were the one that brought it up, not me," Jo mumbled around a tube of mascara she held between her teeth. With one hand bracing herself against the wall so she could lean around James and get a view of the mirror herself, the other smoothed foundation over her face. "I wasn't ever going to say anything." After watching her hands and drying them she removed the mascara from her mouth and shifted the wand over her lashes. "So what are you doing up so early anyway? Normally I have to practically drag you out of bed to get the day going."

"Yeah, well, I have to meet up with Shane this morning to see what he has planned for my career," James explained. He shook his head, leaning back from the mirror and now focused his attention on his hair, twisting and pulling at the strands until it was perfect. "It's weird; when it was the four of us it was easier for things to get done because Gustavo and Kelly did it for us. But now that it's just me there are a lot of things that I have to decide now."

"That's sort of the point though," Jo pointed out. "I have to have meetings with my agents and managers and publicists all the time so that I know what's going to go out in the tabloids or on the internet that we can and can't stop. Or what sorts of opportunities I want to take." She reached out her free hand and gently rubbed James's back. "Don't worry about it; you're going to be great." She then stopped rubbing him and grimaced as she leaned back. "Ooh. Sorry, I think I really scratched your back this time."

"I was wondering why it felt like I ran a marathon when we all know all of that sweat does nothing for my complexion," James said. He leaned back into the mirror once more, checking out his cheeks for redness. "My rosacea is bad enough, but when I run my face turns entirely red and it's _not_ a good look for me."

"So that's why you spend so much time lifting weights?" Jo teased.

"No, that's to make sure that everyone can see my guns from all angles." With that, James flexed his muscles and twisted this way and that so he could see himself in the mirror. Jo laughed loudly when he then wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "But they're mostly for you, though." He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "What are you doing today?"

"Not much at all," Jo admitted.

"Cool, do you want to come with me? See the man that's now my publicist for yourself?' James crossed his arms—a quick glance in the mirror showed him that his pecs were doing just fine as well—grasping his elbows.

"Sure. I'm probably going to have to meet him anyway, considering I'm sure he has plenty to say about our relationship and how it's put into the public eye so much," Jo said. James caught her eye and she smiled and looked away. And James continued to stare at her, wondering if he should even ask the question that had been resting in the back of his mind since they started going out.

A part of him was still a bit hesitant with her knowing he was going out with his best friend's ex and it was against the code—however, Kendall _was_ the one that broke the rule first considering he talked to her when James hardly got a chance to because of working with Gustavo and his allergies—despite him and the rest of the boys deciding to throw their rules and codes out the window the last time they had blown up in their faces. But there was something else he worried about in terms of their relationship, that his and Jo's was so open when her's and Kendall's was so private.

And that's how they differed in general; as much of an outgoing person Kendall was, he was also very private about his personal life while James was open all the way around. He never found the point of keeping his feelings for someone a secret and with his want to be famous was very aware of the fact that his private life would become public and was fine with that. Every girl he went out with was placed into magazines and questioned about online and that was good exposure for him and the band just as much as he wanted to show off the girl he was with. So when he and Jo started to go out she was a bit uncomfortable with the attention and PDA he gave her, not having to sneak around or act like she was dating her co-star, Jett Stetson.

But then she grew used to it and would laugh with him and the shots magazines and online publications would choose to show over others. And she made him feel better about a lot of his insecurities and helped him figure things out while going solo. She had become used to that fairly quickly by trying and failing at being a singer before going on to her successful acting career. Part of him wondered what would've happened if he had gotten the chance to speak to Jo first when she arrived at the Palm Woods. It would've saved a lot of drama, that's for sure.

"What?" Jo asked, looking at him through the mirror and realizing he was still staring.

"Nothing," James replied. "But I just realized that we should probably let Carlos and Steph in the bathroom or else they'd retaliate again." At Jo's suddenly sour expression he held up his hands, taking a step back away from her. "I'm sorry that Carlos thought your shampoo bottle was mine, but you were the one that decided to start using Barracuda's women's line was more you fault than mine."

"He _peed_ in it!"

"And now Steph has to deal with it once they get married and move out and we'll have all of 2J to ourselves," James pointed out. "Besides, you were the one who used up all of mine that day." He ducked out of the bathroom as Jo grabbed the bar of soap out of the dish and threw it towards him. James went back to his room and quickly changed into his clothes, looking at his watch every few seconds he moved back and forth across the room as he finished his morning routine—complete with a few pushups and crunches every now and then.

That was another thing he had to get used to; leaving the apartment by himself and going to Rocque Records by himself, and having to take care of himself and his schedule…by himself. Mrs. Knight was still his manager but he didn't want her to do so much now that she had time to live a life of her own. He just had to focus on the positives; that he was able to do everything he ever wanted with a solo career, the music _he_ wanted to do. It'd still be in the pop genre but not the same kind of pop that Big Time Rush had done.

It'd be more soulful and have an R&B edge and maybe some hip-hop…he just needed to run it by Gustavo first. "Okay," Jo declared, grabbing her purse and hoisting it up her shoulder. "I'm ready to go. Are you good or do you think you're going to need some more time to fondle your muscles?"

James looked up at her as he continued to hold his hands behind his head, sitting up in a crunch. "I don't fondle my muscles," he protested.

"You can't stop touching yourself, James. I mean, _I've_ gotten used to it, but people look at you funny for it. Just last week at dinner you were rubbing your legs so much we were almost asked to leave the restaurant because people weren't sure what you were doing under the table." She reached out and grabbed onto James's elbow on an upswing and pulled him up. "Didn't you notice people looking at us as we left?'

"I thought they were just admiring your beauty," James replied and smiled, receiving a kiss in response. "That was a good one, huh?"

Jo let out a sigh of feigned frustration and whacked him on the arm before collapsing into laughter. "You're not supposed to congratulate yourself."

" _Someone_ has to."

"You're hopeless, James Diamond. Let's go."

The next thing James knew he was leading Jo into a conference room at Rocque Records as Shane sat in a seat across from them. He flashed them the same smile he had shown James before, all gums and teeth, motioning for them to sit down. "I'm glad you could meet with me today." He then leaned towards Jo with an outstretched hand. "Shane Parker, it's good to meet you Josephine."

"It's Jo," she quickly corrected him, shaking his hand back. "Jo Taylor. It's nice to meet you, too." She crossed her legs at the knee, leaning back in her seat while James slouched down in his. "I'm sorry my publicist couldn't meet with you but I promised I'd shoot her an email after this meeting to catch her up on everything."

"That's alright, that's alright," Shane said, holding up his hands. He then motioned over towards James. "Most of this meeting is about my new client anyway. I think there's a lot we can do and I think the first thing we need to focus on is your new image. You're not part of a boy band anymore and, unfortunately James, a lot of people are going to continue to see you that way."

James swallowed hard. That's what he had been afraid of. It was a reality he knew he would have to face, but if Justin Timberlake could do it, then he could do it, too. "What were you thinking of exactly? Like, changing the way I work online? The sorts of magazines and opportunities that come our way? Because I was thinking of getting into some acting too. I've seen Jo do her stuff and she's been doing a great job."

Shane nodded, his eyes turning towards Jo for a moment. "That's perfect; you certainly do have the face for acting."

Jo nodded and said, "Thanks."

James raised an eyebrow and continued with, "So maybe I can start there? Going to do some darker roles or things that people wouldn't see me doing. I don't want to do a lot of kid's stuff or a lot of teen shows—"he cried out in pain as Jo whacked him on the arm again, glaring at him. "Other than New Town High, I mean."

"I see you sort of struck a nerve there," Shane said with a light laugh.

"Yeah, Jo hates it whenever we make fun of how…soap opera-ish the show is," James commented, rubbing his arm. "It doesn't help that she's one of the stars.

"Yes, well, we've all got a star in the making and I can see your star shining brightly." Shane cleared his throat and sat up straight. "But for your idea of staying away from kid things, that's a great idea. I'm not saying that you shouldn't go back to the Tween Chocie Awards though; as a matter of fact I'm sure all of you in some capacity will be invited again this year. And while you want to stray away from the kiddie things, it certainly is the best move to make though it's going to be have to be a slow change. As for interviews and things I agree that _PopTiger_ and those sorts of magazines that aren't helping your growth as a singer so we'll need to change to get some others under our fold. Were there any you were specifically thinking about?"

" _Men's Health_ , fitness magazines, and I think that _Rolling Stone_ and those would be the best ones to get into," James said.

"Will that be easy though?" Jo asked. "I'm not saying you can't do it, but that Rolling Stone usually has to come to you."

"Hey, don't worry, I'm your guy. I know how to make these things happen and for your dreams to come true. We don't have to worry about any pesky scandals getting put into the press, right?" This time James reached out and pressed his hand onto Jo's knee and held squeezed it firmly. Jo reached her hand down and pressed it on top of his, rubbing it reassuringly.

James took a deep breath and tried to stay as calm as he could, but it was starting to become very difficult. He watched as Shane smiled again and changed the subject once more, as if sensing the discomfort that came through the room.

"Now, as for your image in general, you want to change your music style to R&B with a pop fusion and maybe some hip-hop depending on the kind of demos you're given, is that right?" He looked over his notes and continued before James could respond. "So we're going to have to get a new idea of the clothes you want to try out, too."

"Well, I already have someone who is going to do that for me, for at least the first album that I put out—"

"And if they're anything like the looks they've given you before then I'm going to have a word with them," Shane interrupted. "And with your choreographer, you need to step things up if you want to be taken seriously." Finally, he looked up at James. "Now, there's a opportunity for you to head down to San Diego and do an appearance with a radio station, you'll be hosting a contest where the prize is that the fan gets to spend a day with you at Rocque Records."

James felt Jo tighten her grip along James's hand and he did his best not to look over at her, knowing she was giving a tight-lipped smile that was just short of a grimace. It was the same look she had given him the last time Big Time Rush had done a 'Win a date with a fan' contest, which was a disaster. James kept switching his dates back and forth with Carlos over who he had found more attractive at the moment, Logan ended up getting an older lady, and Kendall's date ended up being a young boy who continued to hit on Katie. And while James and Jo weren't going out at that point—as a matter of fact Jo was already in New Zealand by then—she hated to be reminded of it.

Yes, Jo was a jealous person and James didn't make it that much easier for her.

"And this time it'll be something where we pre-screen the winner, whomever it may be, to be sure they're a perfect fit for your image," Shane continued.

James's eyebrows furrowed together. "I don't think that's necessary, it's just going to make a lot of my fans upset. I try to make them realize that looks aren't the only thing that matters."

Shane laughed loudly. Enough so that he started to cry. Finally, he managed to calm down and wiped at his eyes. "James, if you think this industry is another other than the way you look then you don't know anything about being in the entertainment industry at all. But don't worry; I'll be sure to show you the ropes."

"Right."

The rest of the meeting flew by and with every few things Shane would say, James found himself tightening his grip on Jo's leg to the point that she started to shake. Finally, the meeting ended and Shane shook James's and Jo's hands once more, holding tightly onto Jo's as he reminded James he was going to make sure they were going to make his career blowup.

And James blew up all right, once they were out of Rocque Records and walking back to Jo's car. "I can't believe he did that!" He cried.

"James, you don't need to be so upset," Jo said, reaching out to place her hand on his arm. But James immediately twisted away, trying to keep his anger and frustration in check. "He didn't really mean anything he was saying and—"

"He didn't mean what he was saying?" James repeated. He whirled around to face her. "He was flirting with you right in front of me! As if I didn't exist! And you don't think it was a big deal?"

"Only because…" Jo trailed off.

"Because?" James prompted.

"Well, that's the thing," Jo said slowly. "He wasn't talking to me."

* * *

Carlos sighed heavily as he stretched out along the ground.

He stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, trying to keep form moving too much. His arms and legs screamed with pain but it was worth it. Having helped the crew members lug all of their equipment up and down stairs and from room to room for different shots had been worth it. He didn't think he would have so much fun being a director but it was awesome. The first time he got the chance was when he had recorded the music video for the guys when they were stuck on that tour bus when starting their final tour.

But now…now he had had other people that wanted to work with him. Music videos, internet web shows, interviews, podcasts, vodcasts, anything that had to be filmed and he was getting requests for them. Okay, so maybe a lot of those requests came from his fans but a lot of them were legitimate. He had just finished the first day with an upcoming singer, just recently added to Colossal Records, and the music video they had been working on for the past five hours. There were still things that needed to be worked on for the next day but it was still a job well done.

If anyone had ever told him he would end up doing a lot of different filming projects he would've said they were crazy. But it was fun, it paid the rent, and it kept him in an industry he really loved. And besides, it kept him from having to stick by Logan's side as he studied or went over his homework as his 'good luck charm'. Logan practically tackled him to the ground when he explained he would be busy that day, trying to force him to stay at the apartment and Carlos just barely got away.

But it was fun. Stephanie had even been the one to suggest it as she was busy with her own acting and cinematography career, her dancing with their friends on the side. And he needed to do something to pay the rent. Going to school was the absolute _last_ thing on his mind and LA was always full of possibilities for something to do and this was just one of them.

And he was getting married soon. Sure, they still hadn't picked out a date yet, but it was as exciting for him to plan as it was for Stephanie. He wanted it to be a massive party that everyone was going to be talking about for ages, and the fact he was marrying one of the hottest girls he had ever met was helpful, too. _We should do something completely different,_ he thought. _Like a cruise or something. That'd be fun._

"What are you doing on the floor?" Stephanie asked, standing over Carlos with her hands on her hips. "Apart from smiling into space for no apparent reason."

"I'm just thinking about stuff," Carlos said. "Nothing important anyway. How was your day?"

"It was fine," Stephanie replied with a roll of her eyes. "Apart from the fact that I hate audition season so much. And I'm not even doing this as my full-time job. Camille took me around to a few places and…wow, let me just say that there are people who _really_ want this, like it's their entire lives and I'm just doing it for some fun. Though some of the projects I looked at were pretty cool." She sat down on the ground next to him and stretched out her feet before reaching over and poking him in the stomach. "What about you? How was your day?" She leaned over him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, laughing to herself. "You look tired."

"I can't move my arms or legs," Carlos replied. He closed his eyes, grinning. "I had a great day. The music video shoot was so cool. I never thought anyone would put so much trust in what I can do before. Even Gustavo couldn't do that after we showed him the video for 'Crazy For U' where he criticized things left and right but they really did like it."

"That's great!" Stephanie cried.

"Yeah…and it would've been better if we just worked in one room today and another room tomorrow because we had to drag everything _everywhere_!" He sighed and tried to lift his arms off the ground before he winced and dropped them again. "No wonder James goes to the gym so much, this is getting pathetic." Another sigh escaped his lips as he closed his eyes. "I just don't know what I'm going to do once this job is done."

That's the part he feared the most. Not having anything to do, sitting around while everyone else continued to go out and do everything they ever wanted. Where he would be left behind, just like it had happened in Minnesota. He had only started hockey because all of his friends were doing it and he didn't want to be left out. It was fun and he was able to play with his best friends but it wasn't something he wanted to do for the rest of his life. Just like it was with the band, he was confused, excited, and afraid all at the same time when Kendall agreed to go to LA with Gustavo just as long as he, Logan, and James could go as well.

As fun as it was, Carlos continued to worry about being kicked out at any moment for not being as good, for being a slow learner, for any excuse Gustavo and Kelly could come up with to justify their actions. So he worked harder and harder, practiced singing, practiced dancing, harmonized, wrote as many songs as it would take and took everything that came his way all in stride. Okay, so maybe he had a tendency to fall into crazy schemes all the while he was enjoying himself, but that fear was still there.

"Don't worry about it, Carlos." Stephanie gently rubbed his stomach. "You're going to do a great job and you're going to do a lot of different things until you figure out what it is you really want to do. And you know the rest of us are here whenever you need to talk."

"I know, baby," Carlos agreed. He reached up and laced his fingers with hers. "And I would do that, if I could even move my mouth without the urge to scream." Stephanie laughed and went to retrieve her phone as it started to ring with a text.

"The others were going to go out to the movies," Stephanie said, scrolling through her phone. "Do you want to go?"

Honestly, the last thing Carlos wanted to do was go out and sit in a dark room for two hours for a movie he probably wasn't going to like anyway. He didn't even want to get up off the floor. Not that he didn't want out with his friends, just that…he needed some time to sort out how he was feeling.

"Nah," Carlos finally said after a minute. Stephanie looked at him in surprise, knowing going to the movies was one of his favorite things to do. "Let's stay in tonight."

* * *

 **A/N:** So, any guesses as to what's going on with Carlos yet? Everyone else's plots are certainly more obvious than his but it will be clearer soon if people haven't already guessed it yet. What did you think of this one? Let me know.

 **-Riles**


	8. Too Late For Success

**.:Chapter Seven:.**

* * *

Kendall came to a stop, tilting his head back as he stared at the ice rink ceiling. All around him he could hear cheering and the sound of players thumping each other on the back in congratulations. And yet his own teammates were grumbling and shaking their head at him.

It was just a scrimmage; their own team split in half to play the practice game, and he still lost it for his team. The score was tied and he had the perfect shot set up to win the game and he had missed. Somehow he had miscalculated his angle and it knocked off the post at the left, shooting into the boards. The sharp blasts of the referee's whistle made him cringe. If they were just messing around then his shot probably would've been regarded as good, his teammates that were playing on the defensive worked really hard to keep him from scoring.

But he still lost.

And he wasn't going to hear the end of it.

 _"Nice job, boy band."_

 _"Maybe if we were dancing across the ice rather than skating you would've made it."_

 _"Why don't you go back to singing, you're better at that."_

And those were some of the tamer comments he received. Ever since he had joined the team he had been taunted and teased about being part of the pop band. And it didn't seem like it was going to end anytime soon. Shaking his head, Kendall turned on his heel and skated to the player's bench, glad practice was over for the day. Not only did he had to work long hours at the grocery store the next day—which was more likely him fielding fans away from him rather than actually getting work done; his boss wasn't too enthused of the crowds he managed to bring in-and look at some college classes he may want to take. His father had been pressuring him on it as much as he had been about hockey in the past.

"Knight! Get over here!"

Kendall shifted his skates and moved over to the coach, taking off his head and shaking out his sweat filled hair; bangs matted to his forehead. "Yeah, coach?"

Coach Scott Meyer grabbed Kendall's shoulder and Coach Nick Bydal stood at his side, listening patiently. Kendall knew this wasn't going to be a particularly good conversation. Scott Meyer was the Head Coach and typically was the one that passed off conversations to the Assistant Coach, Nick Bydal, unless it was important. He had only been on the team for a few weeks but he knew how things worked already. Being a rookie he was on the low end of the totem pole and was treated as such. As a matter of fact, only he and a few other guys on the team were new, with everyone else having played at least the year before.

He wasn't someone that was insecure or awkward when it came to meeting new people; as a matter of fact he could talk to anyone, and became very stubborn when trying to get someone to be his friend. (As Logan point out, he might have had a thing with needing people to like him). But cracking into a team that already knew how to pass the puck to each other without having to make a second glance was harder than he thought.

"What's going on with you?" Coach Meyer demanded. Kendall looked at him, struggling to figure out what to say. He hadn't expected to be put on the spot like that so easily. "I've seen so many tapes of your games, I've even seen the way you continued to practice in parking lots while you're still on tour and _that_ Kendall Knight is the one I allowed on the team, not this one." Kendall opened his mouth then closed it once more. "Is there something I should be aware of?"

"Excuse me?" Now Kendall finally found his voice. He looked up at Coach Meyer, who stood a few inches taller than him, eyebrows coming together. "Is there something I should tell you?"

"Yeah? What is it? What's your vice? Drugs? Alcohol? Gambling?"

Coach Bydal reached out and placed his hand on his co-worker's shoulder. "You're not playing as yourself, Kendall, is what we're trying to get at. We've seen you play for a long time; have been watching you for a long time. We know that you even had the chance to play for the All-Star Team but turned it down to go back to your band. Not many people turn down the All-Star Team."

"Well, I don't see how I could play anyway…I moved away," Kendall started. He took in a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. It didn't seem like he was going to be kicked off the team. They were just worried about why he wasn't playing as well as he could have been. "It was a great opportunity, but not a once in a lifetime one. I could always get another one, my band…I couldn't give that up."

"And it proves you know the decisions to make that are good for _you._ That's a good quality to have." Coach Bydal exchanged a glance with Coach Meyer, who continued to stare hard at Kendall. Kendall was sure he felt the side of his face starting to burn under his gaze. "And that's something we've become experts at. If we don't think you're good for the team—"

"—I'm just having a bad day," Kendall interrupted. He cleared his throat. "Or a bad couple of days. It's a scrimmage; I'm still trying to understand how this works." He waved his hand to motion amongst the empty arena and cringed. He never had to plead with anyone over anything before, especially not for hockey. It came to him like it was second nature, his mother always said he had been born with skates on his feet he loved it so much. So why _now_ was he having so many problems? "I'm just having a bad day," he repeated. "I'll be fine."

Coach Meyer's face softened slightly as he crossed his arms. "We hope so. Because you have a _lot_ of talent, Kendall, and we don't want to see it go to waste. If you can get into that band and work hard all the way through to its end with as much energy and commitment as you did…then I think we know the abilities that you have for anything you tackle. We understand you may be homesick, Kendall, and that all of this is new to you. It's going to take some time to get used to this new life, but you have to put your all into this. You can't act like it's something you do for fun; it's to start a career."

Kendall nodded.

He knew that. It had been drilled into his head as long as he could remember. He remembered the stories this father told of the time he had played for junior hockey and how he had played hockey in college, and his journey to the pros. It took a lot of hard work and a lot of sacrifice when the time came.

 _And Dad sacrificed everything for hockey, _Kendall thought before he could stop himself. A bitter wave of emotions fell over him. _All because that was his first love, rather than this family._ He realized that Coach Meyer and Coach Bydal were waiting for his response and he cleared his throat, standing up straight.

"I get it," he said. "I have to focus. I know. I'll get better. I promise."

"Good. That's good to hear. Because we'd hate to have you leave when you can have an amazing opportunity for a career in the future." Coach Bydal nodded to the side. "Now there's someone else that needs to speak with you and then you can rest. You'll need it before practice tomorrow. It's a well known thing to be hated around here."

Kendall nodded and skated to the side of the rink where another man was waiting for him, this time dressed up in a suit, looking at his watch every few seconds. He looked up when Kendall approached and smiled, his gray eyes shining slightly, his beard and goatee stretching around his lips. "Kendall Knight? I'm Jimmy Lilledahl, Direct of Broadcasting and Media Relations with the Minnesota Magicians. And I have a few questions I'd like to ask you."

"Okay?" Kendall slid his hands out of his gloves and reached out to shake Jimmy's. "Fire away."

"Well, we all know that you were part of the boy band Big Time Rush,"—Kendall tried not to get annoyed at the word 'boy band' rather than 'music group' as he and his friends preferred—"And we think it's something that can really help us. Help our game attendance. You have a big fan base as it is, easily surpassing the other team members with a social media following. As it is, fans of yours that live here have already been asking about the games you'd be playing in. It seems they're really supportive of you."

At that, Kendall smiled. "You know, I wouldn't have been able to get as far as I did without the fans," he remarked. When Jimmy smiled and nodded, Kendall suddenly felt insecure. Did that sound as bad as it did to him? Did it make him sound snotty or that it was all he cared about? "They've been really supportive of everything me and my friends have done so I'm glad they're not too upset that we ended the band to follow our dreams." Okay, so that wasn't entirely true either. The band didn't break up, they were on a hiatus, and at the time they were told their contracts were only upheld for three years with an option to renew. It actually ended ups lasting for almost four years but with three albums, and they were starting to get tired by the end.

Kendall knew music was never going to be his life; it hadn't always been his dream. And it was a fun ride, but it drained him more than he ever thought it would, especially when he had to think about his future and moving out and growing older and…

He snapped back to attention as Jimmy continued, "So this is something that we have to work with. Your fans will come to any of your guys; we know that just by looking at your social media. Anything you or your friends do they'll support. So that means more ticket sales, merch sales, and concession sales which will in turn bring more money to the Magician's organization for the present and future. Have the other guys told you about our rules with your personal life?"

Kendall blinked in surprise. This guy was going a mile a minute and he couldn't keep up.

"Yeah, they told me about that."

"Good, good. So here's the other thing. You have to show that these new teammates of yours are your best friends that you get along. They may not be at the moment, not all personalities work, but we need to show everyone that you can work together on an off the ice. And family. Your family has to be a big thing. We know your father is here in Minnesota with you, that's something that we're already thinking of doing a story on. It should be good."

Jimmy continued to go on and on about his plans for Kendall while Kendall listened. He suddenly had a flashback to when Big Time Rush first started and he was being tugged this way and that and being told what to do, what to say, what to think, and what to wear. But even then he had his friends to help him out and at least make some semblance of a band to do so. He was never one to sit back and let people walk all over him, so why start now?

"Actually, I have someone that already handles being my talent manager so you're going to have to talk to her," Kendall broke in, finally getting Jimmy to stop talking. "I don't have her card on me at the moment, but I can give you her information later. Okay?"

"Okay. That's alright. I'd be glad to speak with her. Thanks for giving me some of your time; I'll let you enjoy the rest of your day." He grabbed Kendall's hand and shook it firmly, a little bit too long—Kendall's arm nearly shook out of its socket. "I'll see you later, Kendall."

Kendall nodded and finally skated to the player's bench, grabbed his things, and went back to the locker room. Rounding the corner, he was hit in the face with a warm towel and quickly ripped it off. Then he quickly dropped it when he realized how warm and wet it was. Laughter reached his ears and he looked up to find Miles, Craig, and Bobby all laughing at him, thankfully dressed.

"Very funny," Kendall said, kicking the towel aside. He walked to his locker and dropped down onto the bench, sighing heavily. "The last thing I need right now is to know that someone's dirty towel was on my face." He pulled off his skates and tossed them to the floor.

"So both of the coaches needed to talk to you," Craig said with a grin. "Did they rip you a new asshole? Bend over, let me see."

"Yeah, that's exactly what you want," Miles shot back. "If there's anything you ever need to tell us, we'll be there to listen."

"Sorry, man, girls are my drug. I don't need anything else. I just like to mess with you."

Bobby lifted his chin towards Kendall, leaning forward. "So what did they want? We've all heard Coach Meyers bark us over like that before and it's not always good. But it's not always bad, either."

Kendall shrugged. "He and Coach Bydal wanted to know why I haven't been playing so well and wondered if I really wanted this. I _do_ want it. It's all I've ever wanted in my entire life and it's all I'll _ever_ want, career wise. I can play a lot better than I have been."

"Good. If they weren't going to say it, I was," Craig said. His smile faded and he crossed his arms, looking at Kendall seriously. "We had to cut a lot of good players this time around and, by far, you were one of the better ones. It was a no-brainer that you were going to make the team no matter how long it's been since you've seriously played. Don't throw this opportunity away, or else you'd be spitting in the face of other guys that could've made it."

Kendall nodded. He knew that. He lived that his entire life. He had to work hard to get what he wanted and not expect to have it handed to him. (Though James did remind him time and time again that that's how BTR had started. It was the only thing Kendall would admit that he got without his hard work, unless he considered working as hard as he could to get James to that audition in the first place).

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. I just…I have to get my head into it," Kendall said. He stood up to finish changing, eyeing the other guys as they sat still. "What? Do you want a show?"

Bobby chuckled. "We're heading out to get some food before going back to the apartment, do you want to come?"

It only took a few seconds for Kendall to agree to go with them. He didn't have anything else to do that day other than stop by his Dad's apartment and that could wait until after they got something to eat. He needed to do _something_ to take his mind off of how horrible the scrimmage went that day.

"Yeah, that sounds _really_ good, actually. Let me just get changed and we can head out."

Kendall took a quick shower and changed into his casual clothes before he left the locker room with his bag slung over his shoulder. He met up with the guys and they walked to the parking lot where Bobby's jeep was waiting. Once they arrived he tossed the keys to Kendall, who nearly dropped them as they fumbled for them.

"Newbie drives," he stated. "Besides, you lost the game for us, the _least_ you could do is drive."

"Whatever, but if I drive I get control over the radio," Kendall declared, tossing his back into the open trunk.

"Just as long as it's not classical, country, or that indie crap," Miles declared, starting to fold himself into the passenger seat. Bobby shoved him out of the way and jumped in while Craig forced him into the backseat. "I can't stand it."

"Oh come on, indie isn't so bad," Kendall said, putting on his seat belt.

"It is when it's the only thing on the radio. And it doesn't even sound like real music, you may as well get a recording of Craig's farts. That's _real_ music."

"And it stinks like everything else." Bobby laughed.

"Fine." Kendall turned on the car and started to flip through the radio stations, turning the volume up or down depending on the volume certain stations blasted their music. Craig leaned in from the back seat to direct Kendall on what stations to change it to, concluding it with, "and turn the music up loud."

"Why?" Bobby twisted around in his seat to look at the two in the back.

"We've got to get a dance party going," Miles replied, slapping Bobby's headrest. "The music sounds better back here and besides, the front seat is so boring. You have to actually pay attention to driving and navigating. You have more fun in the backseat."

There was a moment of silence for the words to sink in before the boys burst out into loud laughter.

It was the first time since leaving California that Kendall didn't feel so alone.

...

..

.

Logan smiled and closed his textbook with a resounding thump. "Finished!" He declared, throwing his hands into the air, dropping his pencil as he did so. He grinned as he looked down at the stack of notes in front of him. This school thing was a piece of cake; he should've done it a long time ago. The Palm Woods School helped him a little bit, but it wasn't as challenging as he had hoped it would be. College was definitely more his speed.

If he knew how much better it would be, he would have applied for school as soon as he finished his studies at the Palm Woods School rather than taking a year off. Then he would've started early to finish early, to take the MCAT again—after the disaster of taking it last time—and would get into a great medical school, start his career, and manage to hold up his personal life all the same. Maybe be part of James's or Kendall's medical teams later. They would be the best clients to work with first since he knew them inside and out.

"Finally," Sydney tossed his hand of cards down and turned to him. "Do you want to play now or what? We can't play Phase10 or Fluxx without you."

"Actually we can," Camille remarked with a light laugh. "And that's because he cheats."

Logan's eyebrows rose in mock offense as he pushed his textbooks and notebooks aside to make room on the floor so he could sit with his friends. "I don't cheat. It just becomes easier to figure out which cards to gather, hold, and play when the time is right." With that, he received a face full of pillow and a handful of popcorn thrown at him. "Okay, okay, give me the cards and I'll shuffle." He smiled when Stephanie pushed the deck of cards his way and he started to work them into a deck of cards to be played with.

As he shuffled he looked around as his friends crammed into 2J for their tradition of having dinner there on Friday nights. It was something that had started shortly after they had moved to LA, and within the last year had moved to the Jacksons's house, but then moved back to 2J for this year. And even if Kendall wasn't there it was as fun as he thought it would be.

Now if only that pesky paper was hanging over his head.

And it wasn't even really a paper for one of his classes, but for his orientation class; _New Medical Research._ It wasn't a class that would affect his grade too badly but one he was interested in nevertheless. Rather than taking ideas of what medical research has been done before, they were to take ideas that they hadn't thought of before and implemented research around it. For example, Logan's topic was a proposal for a sleep study. Having been in the music industry—more specifically the entertainment industry—for so long, he became accustomed to different forms of sleep patterns. He was someone that needed to get an equal 8 hours of sleep a day or else he wouldn't be able to function, James was someone who did fine with fewer hours as he worked on his morning and nighttime hygiene routine, Carlos did bursts of sleep throughout the day, and Kendall was able to function well staying up late and waking up early.

And then there were others who if they slept _too_ much they weren't able to function, those who slept too little and couldn't function, and those that got little to no sleep at all and were able to move fine. He had seen all of that and different ways of coping throughout the last four years and if he could make a breakthrough with the study then he could get paid a lot to continue research.

It was a win-win in his book.

"So what was it that you were working on anyway?" WayneWayne asked, picking up his cards as they were handed to him. He frowned when Dak pulled them out of his grasp and looked at them himself. There were so many of them playing the game that they had to play in teams so that they didn't run out of cards.

"Yeah, how much homework could they have given you already?" Lizzie added turning her attention from the game of dome hockey she was playing with Katie, Patrick, and Noah. She looked back at the game dismissively as Patrick took the shot on goal—which she had left open when she asked Logan the question—and shrugged.

Katie groaned and slapped her forehead as Patrick and Noah cheered, giving each other a high-ten. "Lizzie, would you _please_ pay attention?"

"I'm doing the best I can," Lizzie replied. "I already told you that I hate this game. It's so boring."

"We could've played foosball."

"That's boring, too."

"Ugh!"

Logan chuckled as the differences between the best friends were forever being shown. He finally finished dealing out the cards and Camille leaned into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. A flowery smell enveloped him and Logan smiled, giving her a kiss on the side of the head before spreading his cards out to see them.

"I was just finishing up notes for some reading," he explained, arranging his cards in his hand by color and number. Camille elbowed him in the ribs then took the cards herself. "The professor said there's a chance we could have some pop quizzes that we may need to prepare for."

"And we all know Logan is scary prepared, yeah?" Riley remarked. She used both of her hands to push her hair from her face. Then picked up a card from Sydney's hand and whispered something to him before laying down a Fluxx Keeper card. "This is the only kid I know that at eight-years-old had a tentative map and stash planned out for the end of the bloody world."

"Yellowstone is going to go up in flames sooner than you think," Logan defended himself. "And it pays off to be prepared."

"There's prepared and then there's _Logan_ prepared." Carlos snickered. "Going to camp he always made sure to have a first-aid kit, a tool kit, extra shirts, extra pants, extra underwear, extra survival guides—"

"—Extra hats, extra shocks, extra shoes, books on exotic plants," James added.

"For camp?" Rhuben's nose wrinkled. "You weren't in the jungle were you?"

"As far as Logan was concerned, they were." Mrs. Knight flashed a smile over towards Logan as she walked over carrying a large tray of refreshments onto the ground, barely managed to get her hands back before the teens pounced on it. She then sat down on the orange couch behind him and gently tapped his head, crossing her legs. "But there's nothing wrong with being prepared. If anything it has helped him more than it's hurt as the years went by." She rolled her eyes. "I can't imagine how much it's managed to keep me sane knowing that Logan had worked well with his medical know-how when I got a call at the diner from one of the other Moms."

"Just about every day?" Stephanie guessed.

Jo laughed and shook her head. "I'd be surprised if it wasn't."

Logan laughed along with his friends then stuck his tongue out at them then focused on the game once more. And it was a blast. He hadn't been around all of his friends like that for a while. Dak and WayneWayne weren't very close friends to the group but they fell into the group as it was via the Jacksons and Camille, as Dak was Rhuben's boyfriend and WayneWayne was Camille's best friend. Dak went to their Friday night hang outs when he wasn't on a tour of musicals and other performances, and WayneWayne came by when he wasn't too busy writing, producing, or even acting in his own work.

Katie was increasingly busy with school, her own acting career when she was in commercials every now and then, working to find other ways to experience being a talent manager, and her own personal and social life with her friends and boyfriend. The Jacksons were still around as much as they always had been; when not helping James with his career, they were hanging out at the Palm Woods with them. And James and Carlos were always going in and out of 2J with their own careers that within their last couple of weeks that he was never sure which one he would see when he got to the apartment. But he had become closer to Stephanie and Jo through it.

It kept him from thinking about how weird it was that Kendall wasn't there and as a matter of fact, unless he stopped and allowed himself to think about it, he sometimes forgot. His life had shifted over towards school, school, and school. When he wasn't at school he was doing homework and research and when he _was_ at school he was in his classes, meeting up with classmates and professors, or participating in different events that were put in place for students. Enough so that he sometimes arrived back at his and Camille's apartment to go straight to sleep.

And that night was no exception. He and his friends went from game after game of Phase10 to Fluxx, then to charades, Alien, and Psychiatrist. Even Mrs. Knight got in on the games, beating the young teens at charades within only a few seconds in to guess. Then she had been the one to lead the charge during the game of Alien, going so far as to tell Bitters off when he tried to come up and give them a strike.

Of course that didn't mean that he and Camille didn't find some time to be alone. _Alone_ wouldn't have even been the operative word. He loved his girlfriend very much and she was like a drug to him. Even a simple handhold made him feel a rush of excited feelings he hadn't felt until the next time they were to embrace. Even a quick kiss on the cheek would wind up with hours passing by until they stopped kissing, much to their friends' amused teasing, and eye-rolling. He could admit their relationship was a bit strange; he was more passive while Camille was aggressive and he had gotten very used to being slapped across the face or tackled for whatever reason she deemed fit.

And yet he still loved her and would always love her. He thought about marriage but knew it was too soon. Carlos and Stephanie could move quickly through their whirlwind romance but that wasn't right for them. He wanted to be financially stable and propose in just the right way.

If that meant Camille continued to sit at his side as his personal cheerleader and support system for him that was all he could ever ask for.

It wasn't until later after hanging out with and having dinner with their friends that he and Camille made it back to their apartment. And even then it took him another hour until he could check his e-mail to see what his professor said about his paper. Sitting up in bed, Logan adjusted the blankets around his lower half and reached over to pick up his laptop from the floor. He focused on the sound of the water running as he waited for his computer to boot up.

Finally he navigated to his school email and clicked into it. His eyes shifted over the numerous emails sitting there from orientation and to ask how his first few weeks were going, then landed on his professor's email. He eagerly opened it and his heart sank seconds before his brain understood what the email was saying. Then he was confused.

 _Logan,_

 _I am pleased that you got such a quick head start on the assignment, however there are some issues. It is clear that you cannot follow instructions as I wanted nothing more than the initial proposal, an introduction that showed background information of the topic and a list of references you were to pull from. While I am glad you enjoy the subject so much to have finished the paper early, it is not something that is complete in a way that I am to read it in enough time. I do have other classes and hundreds of other students with papers to read and grade. This isn't the first time I've come across this problem and I wanted to be sure it was addressed early._

 _Not to mention your language is very vast and advanced for what the topic needs. At the moment this class is simply an orientation for the student to become accustomed to UCLA as well as to become accustomed to the academic schedules. Your paper does show that you are passionate about your topic as well as you knowing what you are talking about. However, you have a use of words that are very big and your sentences tend to run on and go around the point you are trying to make. In many cases it appears that you're trying to sound smart rather than being smart in itself._

 _There are a few of the key points that came to my immediate attention. Please see my added comments and re-work this so it is in the condition to be turned in so it can be graded efficiently._

 _I'm really interested to see what you have to say about the topic considering your background in it. Let me know if you have any questions or are confused about anything. We can set up a meeting._

 _Thanks,_

 _Professor Phillips._

Logan read the email over and over and over again and finally reached out and slammed the lid to his laptop shut. With a long sigh he pressed his face into his hands. It didn't make any sense. His papers and research topics had always been something that had been greatly received by his teachers. He was the ideal student and had been told many times before. What was it that he had done wrong?

He sounded _too_ smart? He was smart! He was practically a genius! That paper was something that he had put his best work into and he was told it wasn't good? Did that mean he wasn't a good student at all? That he had done everything in his life, up until that moment, for nothing?

"Logan?" He jerked his head up as Camille walked into the bathroom, fresh from her shower, rubbing a towel over her hair. "Logan, is everything okay? You look a little pale." She glanced towards his laptop. "Did you get a response back from your professor?"

"Y-Yeah," Logan replied. He was sure that he still sounded a little shell-shocked. His head was running a mile a minute. "He said that my topic was cool but that…that I sounded _too_ smart." With that, he glanced up at Camille and watched as her face screwed up in confusion and she snorted. "I know, right?"

"Isn't that a good thing, though?" Camille tossed her towel aside and dropped down onto the bed next to him. She curled her legs underneath her then tilted her head to the side. "Aren't you _supposed_ to be smart in these papers? That's sort of the point."

"I know, but my professor said he didn't like how my paper sounded very smart and didn't follow directions in terms of how to get the paper done."

"Wait. What did you do?"

"I just did it early. As soon as I knew what the topic was going to be, a topic _I_ chose, I got my references, and my research, and my notes, and wrote a pretty good paper about sleeping patterns within the entertainment industry. And he said that I used too many big words, my sentences ran on, I didn't get straight to my point, and that I was trying to sound smart rather than being smart." He shook his head, running his hands over his face once more. "Shouldn't a professor be glad someone is taking that initiative?" He didn't give her a chance to reply. " _I_ would!"

Camille reached out and gently rubbed his shoulders and back. "I know that's not what you wanted to hear, Logan. But maybe the professor is right? I'm not saying you're not smart, you're a genius. But people want different things in their students and showing what you can do right out the gate may not be the best idea."

A humming sound escaped Logan's lips as he continued to sulk. Maybe she was right. Maybe all he needed to do was pull back a little bit. Like when he was younger and would do homework for James and Carlos—who would wait until the last minute then beg him to help out—and had to dumb himself down to sound like the two would at least get a B+ or A- paper. _I wonder what Kendall would do._

He didn't have to think much about it. Kendall probably would go to the professor's office and tell him everything that was wrong with him.

But Logan wasn't the kind of person to do that. No, instead he was going to get a good night's sleep and start his paper all over again. It wasn't a big deal and it wouldn't take long for him to do it. It was something he was passionate about and could help others.

Now if only he could figure out how all of his other professors wanted his work.

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry for the wait on an update, this story was on a bit of a hiatus. A reviewer had commented that they think I may be a bit limited in what to do/where this story is going with having Kendall in Minnesota with the rest of the group in California. I get where they're coming form and sometimes I agree, but I think it's something I can work through.

So this story focuses on BTR, but would you like the Jacksons and other BTR characters to come in a bit more or do you think the story is fine the way it is?

I hope you like this chapter.

 **-Riles**


	9. Too Late For Family

**.:Chapter Eight:.**

* * *

James looked Camille in the eye and glared at her. "And you thought betraying me like this was the best way to go about things?" He demanded. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Camille lowered her head in shame. "I didn't know how to say it," She murmured. Reaching up a hand, she clasped her fingers around the necklace that rested against her collarbone. "I still don't know how to say. How what happened…"

A snort escaped James's lips. "You know how it happened. I was there, too. You were a willing participant. You said that you didn't have to worry about being pregnant. And now here we are."

A panicked expression came over Camille's face as James said the words out loud. She leaned back in her seat and looked around the coffee shop to be sure no one was listening to them. Then she brought her finger up to her mouth and shushed him. "Not so loud. No one knows yet."

"At least you had the decency to tell me first." James eyed Camille with disdain. He set his jaw and looked away from her for a long moment. Then he turned back to her and his expression melted into one of anxiety. "So? How was that?"

"Great!" Camille chirped. She leaned back towards James with a bright smile. "I'm sure anyone who was eavesdropping really thought you got me pregnant. _You_ are an amazing scene partner and you're doing a great job of getting me ready for my audition." She reached out her hand and took the script back from him. "You know you're really good. You should think about going into acting."

James, who was in the middle of taking a long sip of water, smiled. "After what happened last time?"

"You mean how you got the part that we tried out for and turned it down for me?" Camille asked. She smiled, shaking her head. "I still can't believe you did that for me. It was a role of a lifetime and you could've gone really far with it. Your own show?"

"How was I supposed to do my own show when I hadn't even started my band yet?" James pointed out. "Not to mention if they weren't going to hire you to do it with me why would I? You taught me everything I know." He reached out a hand and Camille gave him a high five as the two laughed.

Then Camille pushed her hair behind her ears and tucked her script back into her messenger bag. "Well, if you want something else to do other than your music career…"

"Like Gustavo riding my ass doesn't already take up a lot of my time." James's eye roll made Camille laugh. He slouched in his seat and lowered his sunglasses down over his eyes. Behind his shades he looked up and down the busy street, watching as the passersby laughed and conversed animatedly with each other. "Or Shane, for that matter. The guy's been my publicist for a few weeks and he's already pushing and pulling me in so many directions its making my head spin."

"Isn't that the point of a publicist? He just wants to make sure that your image is clear, that you're getting the opportunities that you should be getting." She waved her script like it was a hot pastry under his nose. "And I'm sure this would be something Shane would like. You said you wanted your career to be different than the one you had with Big Time Rush."

"Yeah, but…" James trailed off and shrugged. He tried to keep his gaze away from Camille's but found that she was staring at him intently. Finally, he steepled his fingers across his chest. "It's not like I don't like Shane. From what I've seen so far he's cool. He's just really eager to help me, which is a little weird. Other than that he has some pretty cool ideas for different events that I could go to. He's actually trying to find a radio station that'll let me guest host for a couple of hours. Apparently I'm in high demand."

"But?" Camille pressed.

"But nothing. I need the publicity and it'll be a good way to get away from Gustavo for a while. I mean, he's good at what he does, but at least when the four of us were doing music together all of his wrath wasn't being put down on me." He cleared his throat as the waiter arrived with their food then changed the subject. "What about you? Do you have any auditions other than this one?"

"A few. But I really want this one," Camille said. She sighed heavily, shaking her hands as if to signify the importance of it. "This is something that will really get my name out in a mature film and I can get better parts than the Rock Camp series."

James grinned. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were excited to get that role."

"I was. And I'm glad they still want me to do the role again for the next movie. But you can only stay in kid things for so long." She made a face. "Haven't you seen the people coming off the networks for those shows? They've all gone crazy."

"I don't know, I think Demi Lovato is pretty hot," James mused.

Camille balled up her napkin and tossed it to him. "That's not my point."

"I know. I know. Hey, whatever you decide to do I'm always here to help you run lines. And if it's a _really_ good movie. Think about mentioning my name so I can do it with you. Not only would it get my name out there but it'd be a lot of fun too. I'm sure Shane could find some good use from it." As he finished his sentence his phone started to ring. Dropping the crostini he held in his left hand, he picked up his phone and looked at the text. "Speaking of which, Shane's asking me to give him a list of places that I like to go to. To bring me closer to the fans, I guess."

"Did Gutavo ever do this with you guys?"

"No. He was the one that handled all of our publicity and stuff. He didn't really get our opinions on them. But a lot of the things we did were pretty cool."

"Right." Camilel nodded. "The charity hockey game where the rest of us had to play and were beaten to a pulp, the magazine contest where you constantly switched your dates back and forth with Carlos, the time you bought that mortocycle—"

"—That was rented and Mama Knight made me give it back."

"The time that you went on strike from Rocque Records, the time that you tried to get a new manager and embarrassed yourself on TV and on the radio and in front of Gavin DeGraw, the time you tried to keep from making a scandal and…" Camille lowered the fingers she had been counting on. "Actually, that one turned out pretty well considering you go to work with Cher Lloyd."

James smiled.

"But there's plenty of things you've done that haven't turned out well publicity wise."

Playfully, James pursed his lips. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Camille stuck out her tongue. "That Shane might know what he's talking about." Now James balled up his napkin and threw it back at her. The two laughed again. They finished their lunch and started to walk around the shops in the area. While looking through a clothing store James was suddenly blinded by a bright flash of light.

"What was that?" Camille asked. She leaned over and looked out the front window of the shop. "Oh, yeah. It's the paparazzi again. Remember when we were hounded at the Palm Woods?"

"The Paparazzi?" James's eyes lit up. He turned to the mirror he was checking his sunglasses out in and started to mess with his hair. "You think they're here for me?" He glanced at Camille in the mirror and saw the 'duh' look on her face. "I'm big enough to be hounded by paparazzi?"

"Not on Brad Pitt's level," Camille pointed out. She tapped herself in the chest. "I should know. I've been working to be an actress for _years_ now. I know everything that comes with it. On the celebrity scale you're probably…a C+."

"A C+?! Have you seen this face?" He did his famous finger wiggle that framed his face. "Please, I'm at _least_ a B-!" He made a show of flipping his hair and batting his eyelashes. Camille laughed and came up to his side, looping her arm around his waist. She held her phone in her other hand. "One who is not above taking pictures with the little people."

"So now I'm one of the little people?" Camille pouted.

James blinked at her. "Well, you _are_ shorter than me."

Camille laughed and elbowed James in the stomach then reached up her phone to take a picture of the two. James held his fingers up in the peace sign and grinned as Camille took the picture. "If I see that being sold on the internet I won't be above coming after you with my lawyers."

"If you want to go against an actress, I bid you good luck, sir."

James smiled and put his arm around Camille's shoulders as they continued looking through the store, ignoring the photographers that stacked outside, trying to get a good picture of James.

Too bad James didn't know how much Camille's good luck wish James was going to need.

.

..

...

"Alright, let's get a shot around the fountain and I think that's the last thing we need!" Carlos called, shielding his face from the sunlight that blazed around him. He stood behind he monitor, arms crossed as his production crew continued to set things up around the lavish fountain that led to the mansion being used as the backdrop.

Thankfully it wasn't the same mansion he and the boys had moved into for that short period of time. _And they said privacy came at a price,_ Carlos thought with a shake of his head. They wanted to leave the Palm Woods because they had too many people running around them begging for autographs and tickets and the next thing he knew he was being held hostage in his own neighborhood. _It was a pretty nice house, though._

Definitely not as cool as the Palm Woods, but it was a nice house.

Even the one that had been donated to them—okay so maybe he had begged Gustavo to use one of his two mansions—wasn't as cool as the Palm Woods but at least it was the perks of being a film director now. Leaning over the monitor, shielding it even further from the sunlight that streamed around him Carlos called, "Could I get playback?"

The music of the musical artist he was working with started out slow and when it hit the chorus the talent—a young girl of fourteen years old—skipped around the edge of the fountain and lip-synched along with the song. Carlos smiled and nodded as the playback continued towards the end of the song. It looked like it was going to turn out pretty well.

"That's the most I've seen you smile in a long time, mate."

Carlos turned his head to the side to find Noah standing next to him, turning the brim of his hat around to the front so that it shielded his face as well. He spoke in a low tone so his voice didn't get picked up by the nearby cameras. He had given the boom mic that he had been operating over to the camera crew finishing his work of filling in for the former boom operator.

Noah's eyebrow twitched upwards. He crossed his arms and did a one-armed shrug. "I mean, not to say that you don't normally smile a lot, 'Los, but you have to admit you haven't really been your happy smiling self," he continued.

"I've just been really busy," Carlos replied. He crossed his arms, turning his focus back to the music video. "If not with this, then other opportunities that have been coming my way and then there's the wedding of course, that takes a up a lot of my time."

Noah gave him a funny looked. "I thought you were pretty much squared away with wedding plans? I mean, it's not like the venue is going to drop you or something." He shrugged.

Carlos suddenly felt a wave of anxiety hit the bottom of his stomach. "Can they do that?"

"I don't know. I don't know a lot about weddings. You'd have to ask one of the girls."

"Way to give me a heart attack, No."

"Just trying to help."

Carlos smiled and nodded. He made a motion toward the cinematographer before turning back to the girl and her friends as they finished up the song. "Cut!" He called. "That's a wrap! Thanks so much for all of the help guys. The video should be finished editing within the next week and then we can send it back to you to get your initial thoughts." He smiled and hugged the girl as she bounced over, thanking him the entire way, then hurried off to meet up with her parents, jabbering the entire way.

He then turned and patted Noah on the shoulder. "And thanks for coming out to help me. I wanted to make sure this video is as good as it can get." He didn't need to add his worries as it was his first big job outside of Big Time Rush, it had been spread throughout the media as soon as it was announced he had moved into directing and filming.

"No worries, mate," Noah replied with a nod. "I know the others would've helped if they had time. But I finished recording of my drumming before the rest of them did so…" he trailed off; eyes shining with amusement, letting Carlos know he wasn't the least big sorry. "For this song anyway."

"How's that going?" Carlos started to pack up his things.

"Fine. It's the same as it's always been. Working hard, playing just as hard and reaping the benefits."

"Of listening to the final product?"

"No of driving Ronan crazy, yeah?" Noah smiled and helped Carlos gather his things together. The two walked back to the Big Time Rush mobile in silence as they finished packing up from the house. Carlos looked over at Noah, noticing he was watching the older boy quietly, keeping his blue eyes trained on him.

Carlos rolled his eyes. Sometimes he hated how perceptive his friend could be. Either that or he really was projecting more than he originally thought. Even when he and Stephanie were having their movie date she kept looking at him funny. Whenever he would question her looks she would just say she was worried about him. And he would reassure her.

What was there to be worried about? He wasn't doing or saying anything differently. He was just moving on with life as everyone else was. So what if they were so busy within the last few months of the band ending that they hadn't been able to spend so much time together? Things were bound to settle down soon and things would be back to normal.

"I'm not saying that I don't miss being in the band, but we're all doing some really cool things right now," he said. Noah nodded silently. "And like you said, I'm already working on the wedding planning and that's pretty fun."

"Oh yeah, deciding napkin rings and colors of flowers is a bloody blast," Noah teased.

"I mean planning the reception! It's going to be a party to end all parties!" Carlos's eyes shone and he raised his hands in the air. "Every attraction you could ever think of; photo booths, bubble machines, carnival games. Needless to say most of those were my idea and I think I'm wearing Stephanie down in talking her into having a hockey rink, too."

"Right." Now Noah paused. "So what's the problem?"

Carlos's bravado lowered and he sighed, leaning against the car. He looked out at Gustavo's mansion, gently shaking his head. "Our families," he said. "Don't get me wrong, my Mom and Dad love Steph. But there are some other people in my family that aren't so happy with her. Just like, I haven't really met her family at all, especially her mother and brother. And from what I hear, they're not so happy that she's gotten married to someone they don't know. Let alone the fact that this is an interracial marriage."

Noah blinked for a minute then looked away from Carlos. His eyebrow rose as he looked back at him. "So?"

A light sigh escaped Carlos's nose. "My thoughts exactly but our families can kind of be old-fashioned so…" he trailed off before grinning. Reaching out, he gently punched Noah on the shoulder. "It's hard to see that you're the one giving me advice, considering you used to have a crush on her."

Noah's face blanched then reddened at the statement. He didn't speak about it typically and while Carlos had never felt threatened by it, it wasn't something they generally spoke about.

"I don't know…" Noah lowered his voice as he continued to speak until his last words, 'what you're talking about' weren't audible. To the point that Carlos strained to hear him.

"Relax, Noah, I'm not mad at you or anything. Besides, I don't think you're the first to have liked someone else. Between you and me, I think Camille liked Kendall before she liked Logan." At Noah's curious eyebrow raise he nodded energetically. "Yeah, James and I had a big theory about whether or not Camille liked Kendall and...yeah it became this big thing. We never told them though."

"Not telling Kendall or Logan that Camille may have liked the former before the latter?" Noah scoffed. "Yeah, I can't imagine why." Then he shook his head and abruptly changed the subject. "As for your worries about your parents, I learned quickly that it doesn't matter what other people think of you. If you want to get married just do it. You're not creating a family with your families; you're creating a family with Steph." He smirked. "Now, do I think your kids will be completely _crazy?_ That's an entirely other thing."

"Ha ha. Takes one to know one."

"Being around you guys? None of us stood a chance."

Carlos reached out and whacked the brim of Noah's hat, causing it to fall down over his face. Noah laughed and pulled the brim back up before ripping his hat off and whipped it at Carlos. Carlos laughed and caught the hat against his chest before tossing it back and ruffling Noah's hair. Then the two finished filling up the car with the borrowed equipment and headed back towards Rocque Records, where they were scheduled to give the recording equipment back. Then Carlos sighed heavily as he merged onto the highway and came to a stop. All in front of them was nothing but traffic that seemed to increase by the second. With no other car moving Carlos put the car into park and rested his arm against his door and rested his cheek in his hand.

It was times like these that he didn't like. Where there was too much time for him to sit and bask in his thoughts. He was never one that particularly liked quiet time during school—when he couldn't sleep—and was consistently sent to the principal's office for talking during class so much. But that was only so that he could distract himself. Now that he found more and more time to himself while working and with not as many people to talk to, it was starting to get worse.

Many saying he was the most sensitive one of him and his friends would certainly be true. But he hadn't felt his badly since his grandfather had passed away. And yet he still saw his best friends every day. So what was really wrong?

Not even knowing that he did a good job on his directing debut was enough to keep the dark shadow from passing over him.

* * *

 **A/N:** Again that took long enough to get another chapter out. Sorry about that. But I hope to have the next chapter up sooner than it took last time. It was, what, about three weeks since the last one? Something like that? Anyway, thanks for sticking around with the story.

You all rock!

 **-Riles**


	10. Too Late For Jokes

**.:Chapter Nine:.**

* * *

Kendall awoke with a start, spitting water out of his mouth. As he sat up, he launched something soggy into his lap with a loud smack. Then laughter reached his ears and he looked over to find Craig standing over him, a hockey stick hovering over his face. Kendall picked up the wash cloth that continued to seep water into his lap and tossed it back to Craig, who caught it with is left hand.

"Sorry, man, couldn't help it," Craig said with a laugh. "You looked like you could use some help with your wet dream, dude."

Kendall gave a half smile, running his hands over his face. "Sure, if you count being screamed at by an overweight tyrant who suddenly turned into a zombie a dream you _want_ to have."

"I don't know, sounds cool to me."

"You don't know Gustavo." Kendall frowned, remembering he hadn't called Gustavo or Kelly since he had gotten to Minnesota. And that had been…a while ago. He couldn't keep his days straight, honestly Day after day was filled with early morning practice, going to work, and afternoon practice, and then getting back to the house he shared with Miles, Craig, and Bobby to eat, sleep, and do it all over again.

It was a wonder he was able to get used to it so quickly—his previous hockey career and working in Big Time Rush certainly did help—but he never thought he would become the kind of person that didn't have as much time to call his friends more often.

"Whatever."

Craig dropped down onto his bed and started to get dressed. "I hope you don't mind but I've already got about one hundred other ideas of how to wake you up when you oversleep."

"Uh…" Kendall reached up to scratch his forehead. At least he was used to those antics, too. "It's no big deal. It's something that Carlos would've done anyway." Then he swore he heard the sound of a record scratch in his head and he repeated, "overslept?" Craig pointed to the clock just as Kendall whipped around and groaned. It was a twenty minute drive to the arena and he only had five minutes to get out the door.

If there was anything the coaches hated more than losing, it was when the players were late.

Flinging his blankets off him, Kendall leapt to his feet and started to run around the room, gathering his things together. "Why did I have to get you as a roommate? Any sane person would have woken me up ages ago."

"Because someone had to draw the short straw," Craig pointed out. "No one wants to get stuck with the rook. I mean, you're a cool guy but the rookies have to go through the paces to know they're good for the team. You know?"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it."

 _I figured I would've been done with that by now,_ Kendall thought. But he didn't say it out loud. Initiation was a team thing and he had gone through the same thing when playing for his old high school team, proving that he could be Captain. Hopefully things wouldn't turn out as badly here as it had then. Sure, he became the youngest captain in the history of the school but even he hated how angry he had gotten when he couldn't take the stupid pranks anymore. It took a bit longer for the team to listen to him due to that and his age, but with James, Logan, and Carlos on his side they came around.

But this time he didn't have his three best friends to vouch for him.

He had to do this on his own.

Kendall picked up his gym bag and threw his clothes and skates inside. He found his wallet and phone and held them tightly in his hand. Then he grasped his shoes and nearly face planted as his hockey stick got caught between his feet. He hooked the stick by his foot and flipped it up into his hands before racing down into the living room where Miles and Bobby were milling around casually.

"Yo dude, what's your rush?" Miles asked, mouth filled with cereal. His eyes shifted along Kendall's path as he flew through the room.

"Yeah, don't you want ot eat?" Bobby added.

"I don't have time. I'm going to be—" Kendall turned around and stared at Bobby and Miles. They stared back at him and Kendall's eyes slowly shifted over to Craig, who slowly descended the stairs and smirked at him. Kendall's shoulders slumped and he tilted his head back. "Oh come on, you don't think you've had enough yet?"

"Oh, I haven't even gotten started yet." Craig laughed and walked over to Kendall, slapping him on the shoulder. "Seriously, man, I haven't seen anyone run that fast before. Seriously, if you can get that onto the ice instead of worrying what everyone thinks of you then you'll be good to go."

"Especially in time for our first game," Miles added. "It's only a week away and you're still playing like you're holding back."

"Well, if I didn't have everyone on our team trying to body slam me every day I think I'd be more open to it." Kendall dropped all of his stuff to the ground and rubbed the back of his neck. "But thanks for that vote of confidence. The coach basically told me the same thing."

"So did Coach Marx," Bobby pointed out. Kendall nodded again. His high school coach had noticed he was having difficulties with that as well, when he had first started as a freshman. It must've been a real pattern. "And you ended up being the best player the school had ever seen. Until you famously gave it all up to go chase a music dream."

"Yeah, wasn't ballet supposed to help you on the ice?" Miles flopped back onto the couch, crossing his legs at the ankle. "That's what I head anyway."

"I never leaned ballet. James tried to get us to do it but we all outvoted him." Relieved, Kendall fell face first onto the loveseat and let out a long sigh, closing his eyes. Maybe he could get some more sleep before they _really_ had to go to practice.

Bobby reached out his foot and gently pressed his toes into Kendall's side. "Um, aren't you going to see who the flowers are from?"

"What flowers?"

"The ones sitting on the coffee table. They were delivered yesterday."

Pushing himself up, Kendall turned his head to the side and glanced at the bouquet of sunflowers that sat in a vase on the coffee table in the middle of the room. For a second he expected it to be another prank. Then he remembered no one would've even known that sunflowers were his favorite flower—let alone knowing many guys that would know what their favorite flower was—and rolled off the couch. Sitting down by the coffee table Kendall reached up and grabbed the card that stuck out of the top.

 _Hopefully this brightens up your day just as you brighten up mine. I'm very proud of you. Love, Mom._

"Is this one of your jokes, too?" Bobby asked, causing Craig to chuckle.

"Trust me, if this were a joke it'd come from my Dad," Kendall replied. He tossed the card back on the table. "Actually, it's from my Mom." He groaned and rubbed his face once more. "Oh, I need to call her, too."

"Well make it fast, we've got to get to practice in about a half hour and it's your turn to drive," Miles said.

"Yeah, let me just get something to eat first." Getting up, Kendall walked into the kitchen, stifling his yawns as he went. Then he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed his mother while rummaging through the pantry for something. He turned to the counter and found a bag of chips, shrugging as he started to eat.

His eyebrows slammed together when he heard his mother's voice, "Hey Kendall! How are you?"

Kendall then looked at his watch before pressing his fingertips to his forehead. "Why are you so cheerful? Isn't it kind of early? You don't normally use your 'chipper voice' until at least eight."

"Well, I'm not one that particularly enjoys getting up at four in the morning but I'm having a pretty good time this time around." With that Kendall looked at his watch then closed his eyes in resignation. He had forgotten about the time difference from Minnesota to California. It wasn't that big, but big enough. She seemed to have sensed his confusion as she explained, "You try having a house to finish setting up. You know clutter starts to bother me after a while."

His eyebrows rose. "You're still unpacking? I thought you had finished it already."

"You know how big this house is," Mrs. Knight replied with a light laugh. He could hear a ripping sound in the background and figured she had taken the tape off another box. "It's about the size of the one in Bel-Air and that was big. I don't think we have enough space to fill it all. And I've been pretty busy getting some of the other rooms filled up and these are the last of the boxes."

Kendall smiled, practically seeing the large smile that was on her face as she continued to tidy up. "Anyway, I'm sorry for calling this early but I wanted to thank you for the flowers. I don't know how you do it, but they came at a great time."

"I'm glad they came at such a good time," Mrs. Knight said and Kendall could hear the warmth in her voice. It made him long for being back in LA, so that he could spill his worries to his mother and have her wrap him in her arms and reassure him that everything would be okay. Just as she did after every game he lost and every hard practice he had. Just like she had done when they first moved to go after the pipedream that was Big Time Rush. "But I can't take all of the credit for the flowers, they weren't just from me."

"I figured," Kendall said. He smiled to himself. "I called Riles last night and she sounded a bit suspicious."

"You'll have to thank your sister, too. She was the one that told me you needed some cheering up in the first place. She said something about this guy named Jimmy wanting to push your forward within the team's PR?"

"Oh right." Of course Kendall had told Katie all about that. If not Kevin telling her. Once practice had been over that afternoon and his father insisted they have dinner together, Kendall couldn't help but tell him what was going on and how strange the entire conversation had been.

Kevin's advice had been okay; it was something he needed to get used to. As he continued to play for the team and he was linked to his former band he would continue to get attention for it. "Not to mention," Kevin said with a chuckle, "if you're as good of a player as you've always been you're going to get attention for that."

"And because I'm related to you?" Kendall pointed out.

"I wasn't going to say anything."

"Unbelievable. You nearly get to the pros once and you continue to ride the cash cow it came in on." Kendall meant to say it in a joking, light-hearted way. But a hint of bitterness came to his tone. He immediately looked away from his father, though Kevin chuckled lightly.

"Well, if I know anything about fame, it's never a bad thing to have." Kevin pushed his Rum and Coke aside and leaned on the table, staring directly into Kendall's eyes. "I know we've lived in two different worlds in terms of infamy but it's not so different that I can't help you." Kendall's eyebrow rose. "If you'll take my help. I know things aren't good between us and I'll admit I was confused when your mother asked me to come out here with you."

"So was I," Kendall said under his breath.

There were just too many things that he couldn't get over. But he had to suck it up if things were going to be this complicated. Especially as Kevin certainly wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

"But I'm a man of my word and I said I would help you wherever you need it. I don't think you'll need any help having to fend off a bunch of girls that will do anything for your attention when you're with someone." Kevin smiled fondly. "Trust me when I say your mother is as much to blame about you rand Katie inheriting the Knight jealousy gene than I am."

Kendall smiled.

"But in terms of the different opportunities that are now coming your way, I wouldn't be quick to turn them down. What if this exposure lets you become drafted to a new team or move up to the NHL even a year sooner than before?"

He certainly hadn't thought about that. But having to act incredibly fake just to sell the image that their team was all one big family when he was routinely getting his head slammed into the boards? Then again Miles, Bobby, and Craig were very emphatic that all he had to do was prove he could roll with the punches as a rookie.

"You think I'd be drafted that quickly?"

"When you were registering for the tryouts I heard the coaches say there were more teams than just the Minnesota Magicians that were looking at you to join their team. The fact you guys announced your split as Big Time Rush was just a timely coincidence."

Kendall felt a thrill of excitement go through him at the news. That was better than he had imagined. He hadn't played hockey in about three years and there were still teams that wanted to work with him. So if he worked hard enough to get up with everyone else then his dream of being able to play for the Wild or the Maple Leafs wasn't too far off. If Logan, Carlos, and James could follow their dreams then he could, too.

A sigh escaped Kendall's lips as he gripped his phone tighter. Another pang struck his stomach, this one of sadness and loneliness.

"What's the matter, sweetie?" Mrs. Knight asked, her voice lowering in concern. "I'm sure everything with the PR team is going to be fine. Though Katie says that you have to run everything by her first."

"Everything is fine, Mom. I promise. I'm just a little tired. I woke up a bit early today, too." He sniffed and changed the subject. "So how's Katie doing? Is she still sleeping or did you get her to help you with your cleaning binge too?"

Mrs. Knight laughed. "You say that now but wait until you really get your own place that you stay in for more than a few months at a time and you tell me how easy it is keeping things clean. As for your sister she's still asleep. She's been knocked out since yesterday."

"Long hours trying to hustle everyone at the beach?"

"No, from cheerleading practice."

Kendall was so startled he nearly choked on the chips he was chewing. Katie? Practicing cheerleading? That was the last thing he had ever expected her to do. She played field hockey—and was kicked off the team—volleyball,—and was kicked off the team—and lacrosse—and was kicked off the team. All for being a little bit _too_ aggressive, when she wasn't able to play ice hockey as well. She had expressed interest in gymnastics and figure skating a few times, but never in cheerleading.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"Kendall, are you eating chips this early in the morning? You know that's not good for your body when you're in training."

Wide-eyed, Kendall stared at the bag that sat in front of him and pushed it aside. Maybe his mother had x-ray vision as much as she had a sixth sense about things. "No…I'm eating an apple. What is this about Katie and cheerleading?"

"Oh, Lizzie is going to a cheerleading camp soon and she recruited Katie to help her. So far I've seen nothing but somersaults, cartwheels, 'accidentally' kick each other, and lie out by the pool. So I don't know what sort of progress they're making."

Kendall laughed. "That sounds like them. But how's she _really_ doing?"

Now Mrs. Knight laughed, knowing what he was really getting at. "You know she'd never outright say that she misses you, buts she does. She jumps whenever her phone rings or constantly looks for emails from you. It's really sweet."

"I miss her, too," Kendall said. "And everyone else, of course. I'm sorry I haven't called as much. I've just been so busy—"

"Hey, you don't have to apologize about it. We know how busy you are and we're all incredibly proud of you. And we'll all be there in the stands cheering for you for your first game."

"Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, sweetie. I'll let you go. I have some more unpacking to do and I'm sure you need to get to practice. But Kendall, remember that things aren't always going to go your way at first. But neither did Big Time Rush and you were amazing. I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was true."

"Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, sweetie. I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

Kendall hung up and inhaled deeply.

He felt much better.

.

..

...

"A 'B'? I've never got a 'B' in my life!" Logan slapped his paper down onto the table top. He stared at the red ink that comprised of the letter that had never graced his presence. Then his eyes shifted to the markings that lined the page. "I don't get what's wrong with this. This paper was gold!"

"So you got one 'B' on one paper, now you'll be down here with the rest of us 'B' schleps," Riley commented, resting her chin in her hand as she looked at her laptop screen.

Rhuben looked up over her notebook and stared at her sister incredulously. "Who're you calling a schlep?"

"I don't think she even knows what schlep means," Dak teased, sitting down on Rhuben's other side, pressing a pitcher of lemonade onto the table as well.

A smirk came to Riley's face. "I know that you're not smart enough to question me, mate," she replied. "And for your information a 'schlep' is—"

"—someone who isn't as academically inclined, if you want to say it nicely," Logan interrupted in a low tone, still studying his paper. "I'm not academically uninclined!"

"Neither am I," Rhuben whined.

"No need to whinge, sis, I'm just kidding," Riley reassured her. Then she let out a long breath that moved her bangs out of her face. "Though to see Logan have a fall from grace isn't too bad considering his permanent record."

Logan wrinkled his nose, Rhuben shifted uncomfortably, and Dak let out a low whistle. He stretched his legs out and rested his feet on the table. "Way to kick a man when he's down, Riles."

"She's got a point though," Rhuben came to her sister's defense. "A 'B' isn't really a big deal. It's not the end of the world. It just means that you can improve on some things. And besides, didn't you tell me this was just a first draft of your paper, Logie? That one that you sent your professor early?"

"Yeah and that's the problem," Logan replied. He leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. He shook his head lightly. "I did everything my professor wanted and they still gave me a 'B'. If anything I should've gotten at least an A-. I can see where some of the sentences don't make sense but…" He shook his head. "Not that bad."

"It's a _rough draft,"_ Dak repeated. "If anything the professor is lucky that you even turned that in. Most students just wait until the very last day to do it let alone turn it in at all." He slouched lower in his seat and flipped open a script that sat in his lap. "You're being too hard on yourself."

"Logie and 'too hard on yourself' are synonymous, especially in terms of academics, Dizzy," Rhuben pointed out, poking him in the side with her pen. He smiled and batted her hand away then she turned her attention to Logan, pointing the ink tip at him. "And he's right."

"So everyone is right but me?" Logan demanded.

Now Rhuben held up her hands. "Just trying to keep the peace here. You asked if we wanted to come study and you know that things can get pretty tense when studying is involved." She sighed heavily, resting her chin in her hands. "Especially when it's bloody music theory. I _hate_ music theory."

"And that's why I don't study it," Riley added. Then she frowned. "Though this psychology homework isn't so easy."

Logan gave a half smile but it didn't stay. Partially because he didn't understand what Professor Phillips seemed to have against him. And the other part because he knew this get together to work on homework wasn't as friendly and cordial as they were pretending it to be. He and Dak weren't close friends but they were at least civil with each other, not helping that they had once fought over Rhuben. The other being how tense things still were between him and Riley since they had stopped being friends.

There were blips of that former friendship that came to light here and there but otherwise it was still hard. He did his best to act like nothing was going on and that they were still friends, maybe able to start the friendship all over again.

"I asked if you wanted to help my figure out what's wrong with my paper," Logan pointed out. "You didn't have to bring in your own homework."

"Yeah, well, if I didn't get it done, Ronan would go on the war path. You'd think that being in college, albeit online, would make him relax a bit more." Riley chuckled, shaking her head. "Though I think 'normal' went flying out the window once he developed that twitch."

"You mean that one he gets whenever _you're_ around?" Dak teased.

"Whatever, Teen Icon. You're just mad that you're the one that has to take care of everyone and everything since you emancipated yourself and moved in here." Riley waved her arms around the condo the four were situated in. "Which, by the way, you can thank us for, too."

Logan smiled and laughed quietly.

Things really had changed. When he met up with the twin girls in LA for the first time since he had moved from Texas to Minnesota, it was their family and Ronan that had lived in the condo. Then after an increasingly deteriorating relationship with his parents Dak emancipated himself and his little sister and the two moved into the condo with WayneWayne while Ronan and the Jacksons moved into their own house.

"Anyway, do you think you could help me with this paper?" Logan asked. "See if there's anything that Professor Phillips said that's actually true. I need to get a good grade on this paper and you guys are really good at English."

"And you don't think the flurry of red markings on the paper isn't doing it for you?"

"Just shut up and read your script," Rhuben directed her boyfriend, picking the offending object up and shoved it in his face. "Your show can't go on a tour if you don't know your lines."

"Huh, now I get why he calls you Sugar Plum, sis," Riley teased.

Rhuben reached out and swatted her sister on the leg. "At least my boyfriend's here."

"For now. He's leaving to go on a show tour, remember? And then you'll be in the same boat as me. Better off that he's gone."

"Are you telling me you don't actually miss Kendall?" Dak raised an eyebrow.

"I was talking about you." Sticking her tongue out at her sister, Riley took the paper from Logan and started to flip through it. "I reckon it shouldn't be a problem if you already got a B- on it. Like you said the biggest issue is the fact that you have a lot of run-on sentences and some that don't make sense. And some that don't backup the facts you're trying to show. Otherwise I reckon its good." Then her eyebrows rose. "It's about music therapy?"

Logan shrugged as she continued to look over the paper. "Yeah. Why?"

"That's what I was thinking of writing about for my psychology class."

"Oh, cool. Well, if you ever need help I'm here." Logan smiled and tried to catch her eye, but she made sure to keep her eyes on the paper. Logan sighed and looked over at Rhuben who gave a sympathetic smile and shrugged. Okay, so maybe that wasn't going to work. But at least it was getting easier to be around each other.

As the others looked over their respective pieces of homework Logan pulled out his phone. He looked over at text from Camille, reminding him that he needed to pick her up from an audition later, a text from Carlos begging him to help figure out the finances for the wedding—which was ironic as Logan had tried to tell Carlos about the importance of a budget within the wedding industry but was waved off—a text from James that reminded him of a double date they were supposed to go on with their girlfriends, and a newsletter from his favorite science magazine.

Then he moved onto his social media accounts, smirking when he noticed that a large portion of the messages he received were from people that questioned why he wasn't on social media so much. It was an important part of being in the music industry as Gustavo had grilled into their heads over and over but he wasn't one that put so much of his private life on the internet. Nor did he particularly like the idea of people questioning every move he made or analyzing his pictures half to death.

The others didn't seem to mind and interacted with their fans as much as possible. But Logan thought it was a little fun to take long stretches of time off the sites and post to see what the fans had to say. Most begged him to go on more often while others were glad he would say something every now and then. It was a bit of torture but he couldn't fathom spending so much time on his public image when there were so many different topics he could study.

And if this first B- was a starting point for his entire school career that meant he needed to work really hard to get good grades. It wasn't the end of the world but he knew medical school was difficult even for the smartest person.

He continued to scroll through his timeline, smiling at the pictures and videos he and his friends had put up recently—the funniest being of Camille, Jo, and Stephanie wearing wigs that resembled each other's hair—and stopped when he noticed that Kendall had posted. It was the first time in a while that he had put anything incredibly relevant up on his accounts. Mostly because he had been so busy with practice.

A picture of him holding up a hockey jersey with his number on it—13—and two of his teammates giving thumbs up in the background with a caption that read; _Finally got the jersey, it's official. #13 #MinnesotaMagic_

"Hey, check this out," Logan said. "Kendall's finally got his jersey." He passed his phone around so the others could see the picture. "Looks like he's managed to prove he's meant to be on the team. From what he's told me they've really been putting him through the ringer."

"Nothing that I'm sure you lot haven't gone through when you were still playing hockey, Logie-Bear," Rhuben pointed out.

Logan thought for a moment then shuddered. It was a like a nightmare that kept playing in his head over and over. Icy-Hot in all the wrong places, being taped to a locker, his medical supplies stolen so that he was wrapped up like a mummy, early-early morning practices, being held late, being the ones that had to take out all of the equipment before practice and put it up after practice.

Oh yeah, he remembered why he wasn't so heartbroken over giving up hockey. Besides, he liked playing with his friends more than the sport itself. Indulging in a game or two wasn't so bad just as long as he made time to properly stretch.

"Actually, I think that was much worse," Logan commented. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I can _still_ feel the Icy-Hot burning."

"Ooh," Dak winced. "Been there, done that, not fun."

"Plus I bet you didn't get tired of having a hockey puck hurtling at your head at fifty miles an hour," Rhuben added.

Logan laughed. "Tell that to Carlos. That dent in his forehead isn't from the time he fell out of a tree. Even his helmet couldn't protect him from that." He took the phone back and studied the picture once more. "I can't wait until we can go see him play. It was nice of Gustavo to buy tickets for all of us to go." He paused. "For publicity of course, but still it's nice. I was overdue to see my Mom anyway."

"You talk to her on the phone, like, every day," Riley pointed out. "What more do you have to tell her?"

"I want to show her my paper," Logan insisted. "And with your help I'm going to show her a grade A college paper."

Besides, his house was always the best place to get some studying done. And if he was going to make up for this grade with the next one, he needed as much peace and quiet as possible.

* * *

 **A/N:** So as you can see there are time jumps with each chapter. More often than not I don't mention how much time has passed so that can slow a story down from time to time. I tried to be extra cautious with putting it in here. Things are progressing with Kendall and Logan but as you can see there are still some things they're working through.

Same with James and Carlos. But the four of them being around each other again should help, right? Let me know what you think of the chapter or what you'd want to see as the story goes on.

 **-Riles**


	11. Too Late For Subtleties

**.:Chapter Ten:.**

* * *

James raised an eyebrow as he listened to what Shane had to say. Then he shook his head. "I'm supposed to be there supporting my best friend, not trying to promote my own stuff. I don't even have anything out yet; we're just trying to get my career started. Why would I want to start that now?"

"Because that's the point of trying to drum up interest _for_ your work, James," Shane replied calmly. It was as if he had heard everything James had said and was going to say. "You know how the game works; you've been in a band before. Now you're going solo and you have to do things like this for yourself."

"Yeah, but we never stepped on anyone else's toes to do it," James pointed out. He licked his lips, rolling his eyes slightly when Shane continued to speak. He waited and waited as Shane continued to go on and on, looking at his watch every now and then. Finally, he spotted Kelly standing in the doorway to the room waving towards him then pointed at her watch. He waved back then motioned to his phone and rolled his eyes once more.

She sighed and crossed her arms.

James continued to listen until Shane finally stopped talking and he managed to get him off the phone. He stood up and said, "And I thought Carlos liked to talk a lot."

"You know he's just trying to help that's the point of being a publicist," Kelly pointed out. "And he was the best one that we could get you."

"Yeah, but he wants me to use the time that I'm at Kendall's game to promote my stuff," James said. He paused. "I mean, I _get_ it, but this is the first game that he's played by himself, for a team this big. I can't not watch him."

"Who says you have to do that? Just wait until the end of the game and look for the press. From what I've heard there's going to be plenty around for Kendall and for the local news for the team in general. There's going to be plenty of time for you to get your name out there when you need to. Gustavo and I brought you guys here to watch Kendall play just as much as we knew that there was going to be press opportunities." Kelly reached out and placed her hand on James's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "People were already asking about you guys being here even when his schedule first came out. It would've been weird if you didn't go."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it…" And yet James held back his other concerns about Shane's plans for him. She was right, as it was. It would've been weird and hard not to go and yet he, Logan, and Carlos had contemplated it.

They knew their fans—former, current, and future—cared so much about Big Time Rush and the boys' friendship with each other that it was already starting to be known as a 'reunion' of sorts for the four of them. But they didn't want anything to take away from the attention that Kendall rightfully deserved that day. But deep down they knew they couldn't not go, it would hurt him as much as them and the consistent backlash from it wouldn't be worth it.

"Besides, I thought you were the one that liked the attention," Kelly continued, causing James to smile.

"Yeah, from girls. And sure, interviews are cool. But I've been getting the same sorts of questions that I got when I was in Big Time Rush and 'what's it like to go solo?' I just want something new, you know?"

"Well don't worry; Shane knows what he's doing. He's not going to let you down."

"Right."

James followed Kelly out of his room and down into the living room where he found Jo speaking with his mother and father. He grimaced, watching the three for a minute, wondering if some sort of an argument was going to break out. It seemed like his mother—the CEO of the biggest cosmetics company in the mid-west—and his father—a hell's angel wannabe who seemed to chase his forgotten youth more than anything else—could rarely speak to each other without some sort of barb being shot towards each other. Surprisingly, he found his father leaning against a wall with his current girlfriend—someone who wasn't much older than James—standing at his side smiling warmly, while his mother was on the other side of the room, a pleasant smile on her face.

James caught Brooke's eye and she raised her eyebrows before reaching her arms out towards her son. "James! I was just saying to Jo here that she would be perfect as the model for my newest advertisement," she declared. James wrapped his arms around his mother and gave her a hug as she kissed him on the cheek. "She's got that fresh face that we're looking for but for some reason she wants to focus solely on her acting." James started to say something but Jo broke in.

"I'm not much of a model," Jo explained modestly. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "Though your father really seems to think that I should just go ahead and take the job."

James lifted his gaze and glared at his father who shrugged in a non-committal manner. "What? I'm telling the truth. Have you seen her?"

"Dad," James said at the same time that Brooke admonished him with the single word of, "Paul!"

Paul grinned and waved his hands. "I'm not saying anything more than giving a compliment. Especially in terms of the fact my son really knows how to choose a girlfriend when he wants one." Paul reached out and patted James on the shoulder. "You really do take after me don't you?"

"God forbid," Brooke piped up, swiping the gleaming smile off of Paul's face.

With that, James reached out and grabbed onto Jo's hand immediately dragging her to the door. He called over his shoulder goodbye to his parents and practically flew out of the living room. He moved so fast he swore his sneakers sprouted wings and helped him move along, not stopping until he made it to the end of the street.

"We left Kelly," Jo pointed out, noticing the young woman wasn't behind them.

"Yeah, I think she was frozen with the realization that I wasn't joking about how bad my mom and dad can be," James remarked. He grasped Jo's hand tighter in his, almost as if he was already afraid she was going to run away. "Now you know why I thought it was a bad idea to stay there while we were out here."

"They're not _that_ bad, James," Jo reassured him. She gently swung their hands back and forth. "Besides, you know what my Dad is like, he's part of the freaking CIA and stalks me whenever he gets the chance. And my Mom…well, there's a reason I keep her back in North Carolina."

"Oh, you can't say 'no' to her either?" James joked.

Jo gave him a serious look in response. "I can't, not really," She admitted. His eyebrows rose and she let out a low sigh. "You see, my parents are pretty wealthy and down in North Carolina my mom likes to keep up a certain appearance and she tried to push that on me. To the point that I wore what she wants to leave the house then changed into what _I_ wanted to wear. She took me around to these fancy parties and tried to 'network' with the 'elite'…" she trailed off, rolling her eyes.

James grinned. "And to think I thought only my Mom was a complete whackjob."

"Have you seen Logan, Carlos, and Kendall? You're completely surrounded by crazy, James." Then Jo gave him a curious look, brushing her hair back from her face. "Is that really why you didn't want to stay here? Or is there something else bothering you?" She kept going before James could explain. "Oh, I get it!"

"Get what?"

"You really miss Kendall. And because he's not around to be your leader or anything you don't really know what to do. _And_ going to watch him at a hockey game without playing with him is weird for you, too because you used to play along with him." She took a step forward and rubbed his arms. "Despite the fact that you care about your face more than anything on this Earth you want to go back in and play with him again."

James's eyes shifted. Then he cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't miss him at all," he said. Then he shrugged and turned his gaze away. "He'll come back when he gets the chance. Whatever."

Jo laughed, tilting her head back as she did so. "You're so in denial, James. But tell me this, when you go big. Please don't forget to mention me in your acceptance speech. Or at least mention the movie series or TV show I'm staring in. You know, so I can make some money off of you." She tossed her hair over her shoulder then laughed again when James raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, I heard your conversation with Kelly, too. James, if you're so worried about Shane why don't you just tell Gustavo and Kelly what's going on?"

"Because nothing is going on. Not really," James replied. He dropped Jo's hand and ran them through his hair. "I mean, it's not like I can say I'm uncomfortable about anything because I don't want to be seen as a homophobe."

"We don't even know if he's gay, I was saying that it looked like he was hitting on you. He could be bisexual for all you know. And even if he is, so what? His sexuality shouldn't matter."

"It doesn't."

"So what is it?"

James frowned, seeing Jo was now starting to become exasperated. This was something they had spoken about a few times since Shane had joined on as his PR team and he was starting to get annoyed with it. Not only because he didn't prefer to speak about work after a long day of working out, rehearsals, and writing songs and things weren't going as fast as he wanted. Then they would get into a conversation about asking how each other's days were and it would start again. Part of him thought Jo was insecure about it, as she was the one that had gone on numerous jealousy-infused tirades when she was with Kendall.

And that nagging thought in the back of the head made him annoyed which in turn gave him an attitude about it towards her, which gave her an attitude in response and they'd fight about it.

"I don't know!" James tried his hardest not to snap. "How do you deal with your PR team? Remember that disaster of them trying to get you and Jett together? That worked really well didn't it!"

Now Jo glared back at him. "That wasn't my choice! I was tricked into doing that stunt."

"I remember, because it made you freak out over nothing! _And_ you made Kendall freak out over nothing! And once again the rest of us were brought into your stupid relationship drama!"

"James, you were fighting with Logan over a pair of stupid sneakers that day. _Sneakers_! Now that's stupid!"

"I needed those sneakers to be sure that I showed off my essence of cool. It tied my whole look together. I couldn't be James Diamond without it!" He wiggled his fingers down the sides of his face as his eyes widened to an almost psychotic James's gaze shifted to the side when he noticed those who were walking down the sidewalk were now staring at the two as they argued. Jo brought a hand up into her air and looked around as well, chewing her lower lip. James leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "You're right," he murmured. Jo tilted her head back to look at him and he breathed out through his nose. "I miss him. A lot more than I thought I would. I didn't want him to leave. But I could never tell him that. I couldn't keep him from achieving his dream after he helped me with mine."

Jo's eyebrows came together. "Don't you think he would want to know?"

"And deal with the guilt that he's managed to break up the best friendship that any of the rest of us have managed to have over the last couple of years all the while single-handled destroying my dream of becoming the world's best boy band?" James managed to rattle it off so completely that Jo blinked in surprise before laughing lightly to herself. "No, I don't think he could handle that guilt. He can't even lie so putting that much pressure on him would probably kill him. Why do you think Carlos and Logan didn't say anything either?"

Now Jo ran her hands through her hair. "God, guys have no idea how communicating and being vulnerable with their feelings actually helps." She reached out grasped James's arms again. "You need to tell him that you didn't want him to leave. He's like, you brother, he'll understand. If anything you can get his advice on the whole Shane thing."

 _Not just advice, but some sort of a plan that would have Gustavo cowering in his boots and figuring out how to make sure my career goes the way I want._ James frowned. He never thought that as soon as Kendall left he would be questioning everything about his own career. He had wanted to go solo ever since the beginning, ever since he knew what he wanted to do and now he was questioning every little thing that came his way.

He was suddenly so thankful that Jo was there for him. Or else he wouldn't have been able to mention it to Logan and Carlos. They seemed to be doing fine with Kendall being gone and the rest of their friends were all getting along just fine without him. Actually, they all acted the same way they had when the others left; supportive. So why couldn't he do the same this time around?

"Do you feel better?" Jo pressed.

"Yeah…" James smiled. "But it doesn't help that you look like him."

An expression of abject horror came to Jo's face. "I _don't_ look like him."

"You look like brother and sister. Like, _way_ more than he and Katie do."

Jo gave him the finger and walked away from him while James laughed.

He was going to pay for that one for sure, but it was so worth it.

.

..

...

"Carlos, it's not a big deal," Noah said as he pulled down the sleeves of his hockey jersey. "They were just asking a question." He looked over and nodded in agreement as Patrick added, "They may have said it in the worst way possible, but it was an innocent question."

"Ha!" Carlos opened his mouth wide and stuffed a handful of popcorn inside. Chomping loudly he mumbled, "That didn't sound very innocent to me! Who goes up to someone and asks 'what are you doing now'?" He shoved another handful of popcorn into his mouth and continued to chomp, spilling bits and pieces all over the floor.

"Uh, everyone," Katie pointed out. "That's like, the staple of every boring high school reunion." She turned to Mrs. Knight and Ronan McGuire, who stood behind her. "Right? You've gone to your twentieth high school reunions right? That's what they talk about."

Ronan laughed as Mrs. Knight's eyes widened indignantly. "We're not _that_ old, Katie," Ronan said calmly.

Sydney made a face, tilting his head to the side. "If you graduated when you were eighteen and you add twenty years onto that you'd _at least_ be—"

"—Sydney it isn't nice to talk about people's ages once they get to a certain age," Mrs. Knight broke into the conversation. She gave him a pointed look, pulling her purse up over her shoulder. Then she turned back to Katie and gave her the same look. "And, yes, some conversation starters typically do start with general questions like that. Mostly because they really want to know what's going on?"

Carlos made an annoyed sound and finally swallowed. "Right but saying James is doing this and Kendall's doing that and Logan's going to school and to get to me and ask…'so what are you doing?' I'm doing a _lot!_ Does anyone care that I'm getting married to the hottest girl on the planet?"

Stephanie blushed and turned away as Carlos's voice rose over the sound of the bustling crowd moving to find their seats in the arena.

"I think they got the picture now, Carlos," Camille said. She wiggled her finger in her ear to combat the ringing that Carlos's voice caused. "And it's like you said, you're getting married. That's something that's really big."

" _And_ you're doing a great job with your cinematography, mate," Riley added. She reached out and put her arm around Carlos's shoulders. "So who cares what anyone else things, CareBear? At this point you've got the rest of us beat."

"I reckon not until they get pregnant because any of the rest of us could get married at anytime," Logan pointed out. All eyes turned to him and he started to stammer. "S-statistically speaking, I mean. I-it's just that with a group this _big_ and how many people within this group that we dated—"

"—Shouldn't bring that up, mate," Patrick warned him. Carlos couldn't help but grin as well. That was definitely moving into some dangerous territory. With as many friends as they had in their group there managed to be a lot of different times where someone liked someone else and that still brought in some tension every now and then. Especially since Logan was the one that was within one of the more controversial relationships considering how long it actually took for him and Camille to stop kissing long enough to know what they had in common.

As it was, it was a topic of conversation they tried to stay the hell away from.

"—I'm just saying that there's a pretty good chance of it happening," Logan finished lamely.

"Is there something you want to tell us, Logan?" Ronan asked with a large smirk on his face. Now Logan's face reddened and he turned away from his friends as they started to laugh.

Carlos's smile faded after a minute and he turned to look over the ice rink. The Richfield Ice Arena. Where he and his best friends had promised ages ago that they would set foot on the ice together. He remembered the days they were on the pee-wee and youth hockey teams where they would be invited to the high school and junior hockey teams that would be played at the arena. They always walked around and took everything in with awestruck faces and not daring to breathe in case they managed to disrupt the integrity of the place.

The flags that hung over the ice were as colorful as ever, while other flags showed off how many years the Minnesota Magicians has won their trophies of their league. Plaques lined the walls of the lobby that showed the players who were named MVP, Captain, and went on to become some of the best hockey players that the NHL had ever seen. Being there in the arena, breathing in the sweat, the excitement, the frosty smell of the ice that was only the scent hockey arenas gave off really sent him back in time.

He first started playing hockey because Kendall saw how ruthless and brave he could be. They had gotten into some sort of a fight with bullies, or else Logan had and James and Kendall immediately came to the smaller boy's defense. Carlos stood off to the side, watching and waiting to see what was going to happen while Kendall and James continued to mouth off and push back the bully that was trying to get to Logan. Finally, the bully said something that made Carlos snap—he still didn't remember what it was—and the next thing he knew, he was flying through the and landing on the bully before raining down a series of punches on him.

Then Kendall and James lifted him to his feet and away from the bully while Logan produced a bandied out of nowhere and pressed it to the cut on Carlos's forehead. (Of which afterwards he made the joke that he should always wear a helmet of some sort due to how many times he'd managed to hurt himself. But it wasn't until later that he had gotten the infamous helmet that he had only just recently given up). James was slapping him on the shoulder and congratulating him for a spectacular dive, as well as saying 'you need to protect your face, though, dude.'

Then Kendall had grabbed his arms and turned him around, eyes alight with an exhilarated flame and he started to babble something about hockey. Carlos's confused expression must've caught his attention for he took a deep breath and said, "Hockey! You need to stop being the goalkeeper and up to left wing to be an enforcer! No one would stand a chance against you!"

"I can't do that," Carlos replied.

"Why not?"

Carlos frowned. Because his mother told him that he couldn't play that position on the ice. It was too dangerous. He would get hurt. That's why he was put in as the goalie; he would be heavily padded. Forget about the hockey pucks that could come towards him at ninety-miles an hour, it would've been blocked by his massive glove, chest protection, shin protection, helmet…anything but his actual face.

"Because my mom said so," Carlos said simply. He reached up and scratched the band-aid now pressed to his skin. "She worries a lot."

"So does my mom but I think she'd be more concerned if I _didn't_ want to go out and get hurt." Kendall grinned and elbowed James in the side. "I mean, I don't have to worry about my face so much."

"We'll just see how you feel once all of your teeth are knocked out," James replied, sticking out his tongue.

"Then I could get dentures with fangs!"

"I don't think they make those," Logan said smartly. He reached up and brushed snow out of his hair as it continued to fall. "But Kendall's right, Carlos, you should try moving up to being an enforcer. That way you'll get to hit the opponents instead of constantly hitting us all the time."

"Like this?" Carlos reached out a hand and shoved Logan over into the snow seconds before he, James, and Kendall all piled on top of him. The four friends yelled and screamed as they wrestled over each other, pushing their faces into the snow and dumping snow down each other's backs.

Then Kendall got up from pushing James's face even further into the snow despite the shrieking protests that came from the taller friend, and got up, brushing snow off the knees of his jeans. Then he marched the boys over to Carlos's house and spoke to his mother, successfully convincing her to let him change to being an enforcer, though Carlos still saw her watching him play through her fingers for the first few games.

And he had been right; it was the better position for him to play. He had been ejected out of more games than before but it was still the most amount of fun he had.

 _And you haven't played a game since you got out LA. Not a serious one,_ Carlos suddenly reminded himself. Not anything other than the charity game Gustavo had set up for them. He and the others had done small games of roller hockey or even just practicing slap shots. But since then, nothing.

"Are you okay, Carlos?" He looked over to find Riley looking at him, her mouth turned to the side and looking at him closely. "You're being really quiet. You didn't even try to fight your way to your favorite seat." She motioned to the bleachers where their friends were already settled in their seats and he laughed when he saw Katie direction Patrick, Noah, and Lizzie to the closest seat they could manage to the boards.

As much as she wouldn't outright admit to missing Kendall she sure was excited to see the game.

Carlos looked onto the ice once more, slightly wishing that he was out there but knowing at the same time he would have a chance to play with his friends again. Maybe not anytime soon but it'd happen.

He just hoped it didn't take too long.

Carlos smiled and looped his arm through Riley's. "I'm just taking it all in," he replied as they walked to their seats. He then unhooked his arm from Riley's and put it around Stephanie's shoulders, pulling her into his side and rubbing her arm to warm her.

"You know I'm glad you finally decided to come," Stephanie said as she fiddled with her digital camera. She then flipped her hair out of her face and looked at him seriously. "I know you've been really down lately and I thought you were actually going to turn down Gustavo's offer."

"Honestly, I was a little afraid of coming. I just…I don't know, I guess I was afraid of things not being the same," Carlos said. "But I can't let that hold me back, right?"

Stephanie smiled and grasped his hand, then kissed him on the cheek. "Right. And trust me when I say there's nothing I would rather do than watch you play a game of hockey."

"Thanks, Steph."

Carlos took a deep breath and focused on the ice as the players came out.

The game was on.

* * *

 **A/N:** So Rhu and I were talking yesterday about some BTR stuff and we were talking about doing another origins story as we'd thought of some other ways for the story of BTR and DE to play out as well as potentially doing other one-shots or short stories that depict things from our timeline/the show that we hadn't shown yet. Any suggestions from that you guys would want to see? Check out the poll we have going on our twitter (same username as here) and let me know what you think of the chapter.

 **-Riles**


	12. Too Late For Admissions

**.:Chapter Eleven:.**

* * *

Kendall bounced his knees up and down, shaking his head as he watched the game unfold before him. The game was close, too close for his liking, and for the first one he wanted to end it on a positive note. So far the only positive thing he could say is that he managed to successfully break away from his nervous habit of chewing his fingernails considering they were all chewed off by that point. And, also, thankfully, his hands were protected by his hockey gloves so they at least absorbed the blows each time he slapped his hands against the bench or the railing in front of him.

Their defense was great, for the last two periods they were able to keep most of the game play on the Springfield Jr. Blues' half of the ice. And of the third period only a little bit of the game play had moved onto theirs, but the haphazard shots that were made on the Blues' goal as well as the increasing pressure from their defense to keep things from getting back to center ice was really starting to grate on his nerves. Especially since his teammates didn't seem to understand that there was a fail-safe way of making sure they could continue to make goal after goal and no one seemed to be listening to him.

And he hadn't managed to get even a minute on the ice. How embarrassing. His family and friends traveled to Minnesota to watch him play, he had fans sitting in the stands waiting for him—as the large signs and them coming into work so often he got regulated to stock boy had anything to say—and he was stuck on the bench.

He looked up as Coach Meyer caught the referee's attention and signaled for a time out, causing the short whistle blasts to shoot through the rink. Kendall lifted his gaze and allowed them to wash over his family and friends—causing him to smile a little when he saw that Katie appeared to be as stressed as he was, shushing Lizzie as she tried to say something, staring intently at the ice. Actually, Kendall had to keep himself from laughing as he watched Katie continuously get to her feet and slap her hands against the boards and yell at the players, to the point that she had been featured on the big screen more than enough times, with only his mother rivaling it.

He hadn't seen his mother get so overworked for a game in a long time. His father, who sat a few bleachers away, obviously wanting to keep from things getting too awkward with his former family—so to speak—hadn't moved a muscle throughout the game other than to stretch every now and then. The static posture of feet on the seats in front of him, arms resting on his thighs, hands up, covering his mouth.

 _At lest he made sure not to bring all attention on him,_ Kendall thought, noticing the baseball cap pulled low over his father's forehead. Despite his eyes being shielded from everyone else Kendall just knew that he had been watching him the whole time and was just as angry that no one knew what they were doing. His friends, of course, were as supportive as always and were cheering for his teammates and tem as a whole but were wondering when they'd finally see him play.

 _Maybe now I'll have my chance._ Kendall got to his feet and crowded around with his team as they huddled up. He glanced at the clock, noticing there wasn't much time left before the period was over.

"I don't know what you're doing out there, but whatever it is, is _not_ working," Coach Meyer spat as the players coming off the ice lifted their helmets to hear over the roar of the crowd. "You need to make every shot count and nothing you're doing is working! Maybe we should give them the chance to come into our defense, I'm sure Craig is starting to get bored."

"Well there's only so many times you can watch the same plays happen over and over before TV sitcom theme songs get stuck in your head," Craig shot back sarcastically. Miles reached over and slapped the top of his helmet, knocking it down into his face.

As Craig pulled it back up, Bobby pulled his mouth guard from his mouth. "I'm not getting any leeway to get any good shots. It's not like I'm not busting my ass while I'm out there, I need _some_ protection to keep from getting my face planted into the ice with a three hundred pound goon on my head."

"Their defense is tight, coach," Miles added.

"I don't fucking care," Coach Meyer spat. "This is as important of a game as our last one is going to be, whether we make it as far as championships or not. This is the game that's going to put us ahead of the others with our mental game. _That's_ the most important part. And right now, your mental game is in-cre-di-bly weak. You're letting them get to you in every way possible. Every shot you've made, they've managed to see coming."

Kendall rolled his mouth guard in his mouth, and tried to stay quiet. It might not have been something he was able to say—he was a rookie after all—but he liked to win as much as he liked to play hockey. If he could do both then he'd do it.

"The shots on goal are going to their right side when the goalie's weakest side is he left," Kendall finally explained. He nodded over to the ice. "Any way you can pull the goalie out, even a little bit, and surge on the left side you're almost guaranteed to get the point."

"Right and then as a victory dance you can start doing toe taps," one of the defensive veterans joked, causing the others to laugh under their breath.

Coach Meyers held up a hand before crossing his arms, sticking his hands into his armpits. "Anything else you've noticed while on the bench?"

"Maybe the outfits of everyone in the stands," another one of his teammates cracked. "It's hard to break a boy-bander out of his comfort zone, right?"

Kendall ignored him and focused on the question Coach Meyer asked him. Seconds before he was distracted once more. _Apart from Gustavo's screaming?_ Kendall winced as at that exact moment he could distinctly hear Gustavo's conversation with Kelly despite sitting so far away from the rink. And that was his _inside voice_. "These guys need to work on their speed, race em' around a bit and gas them out and that'll work even more in our favor."

Coach Meyer lifted his hand and rubbed his chin for a moment. Then he snapped his fingers and pointed towards the ice. "You're on, Right Wing. Let's see what you've got, Killer." Kendall smiled and put his mouth guard back in and pulled on his helmet. Then Coach Meyer reached out and grabbed his helmet, pulling him forward. "You better be able to back up what you've thrown out, this game is important."

"You got it," Kendall mumbled around his mouth guard.

Okay, so Right Wing wasn't where he would've liked to be placed but at least he was finally getting a chance to play. As Coach Meyer called for a substitution of a few more players, Kendall lifted himself over the wall and onto the ice, skating into place.

"What's the plan?" Miles asked, coming up to Kendall's side with Bobby and Craig doing the same. Kendall glanced at them for a moment, feeling a sudden swell of pride and familiarity of being able to take the reins a little bit.

Even if the rest of his team didn't believe in him.

"Like I said we need to pull their goalie if not confuse him a little to get a good shot on his left side. If you can make an opening for me I'll do anything to make it work. I'll even make it with my _teeth_ if I have to. Keep your eyes on the puck; pass it when you get the chance. I'll make sure I get open."

"You got it, Killer," Miles said, moving to his position at Center. Kendall shifted over to Right Wing while Bobby took his spot at Left Wing and Craig moved into the goal; moving back to the places the players had been when the time out was called. Kendall took a deep breath and made sure not to look at anyone in the stands while he tightened his grip on his hockey stick.

He tuned out the sound of the audience and everyone around him, focusing on the player in front of him. He smirked at Kendall but didn't say anything otherwise. Kendall chewed on his mouth guard for a moment then slid it into place, pressing firmly down with his back teeth. Finally, he heard the sound of the referee blow his whistle, signaling the start of the game once more.

* * *

"Hey, Kendall's going in," Lizzie said. Katie immediately shushed her, resting her arms on the boards, staring at the players on the ice. She watched as Kendall slid into his place, keeping his eyes on the player in front of him, watched as he did his familiar ritual of spinning his stick twice in his hands before play started. Just as when doing laps around the ice to warm up for a game he would bend down to drag his fingers across it for good luck. "Do you think it's a good idea to be standing so close to the boards like this?"

Katie shushed her again.

"Geez, I was just asking a question," Lizzie commented. From Katie's other side she could hear Patrick say with sarcasm laden in his voice, "I got shushed just for asking where the damn bathroom is. At least you got more than that."

"Hm, now I'm wondering if a hockey obsession actually runs through their family," Noah joked, which caused him to roll his eyes as Katie shushed them again.

"Oh come on, Katie, it's not like us talking is going to distract any of them at all, the lot can't even hear us." With that, Patrick sucked in a deep breath of air and belched loudly. He laughed and high-fived Noah. Katie smirked and turned a smug smile his way when the referee turned and gave Patrick a look, to which he looked surprised in return. "Oh, maybe they can."

"Nah, it's just because your burps are that obnoxious," Katie replied. She kept her eyes trained on her brother. "Come on, guys, I just want to watch Kendall. For _once_ could you not make fun of it?"

"Who's making fun? We're just waiting for something to happen." Lizzie rested her chin in her hand and watched the ice. "All these good looking guys around, there's _something_ for me to look at. Not like when you want to watch WWF or whatever."

"Its WWE now," Katie corrected her. She glanced over at Noah to see his reaction to Lizzie's mentioning the attractiveness of other guys in front of him but he was as quiet as ever, dark blue eyes shifting back and forth as they took in everything in front of him. She wouldn't have had that same luck if she said something like that in front of her boyfriend as he'd probably make some sort of a lame joke of how he was better looking. Thus making her wonder if he really _was_ spending too much time with James. "And the WWE is better than that. You get to watch some really great fighting; storytelling, athleticism…"

Riley snorted as she came up to the group, her hands in the pockets of her jeans. "Why would you want to watch people fight for a fake story when you can just beat them up for real?" Noah gave her a disapproving glance and she stilted her head to the side. "I'm kidding, No."

"No you're not," he replied.

Riley shrugged and moved to stand with the group tapping her fingertips. Katie smiled up at her then looked back onto the ice, feeling excitement rush through her bones as the referee prepared to blow his whistle. Not only was she able to finally watch her brother play again but it was with everyone they knew and loved with them as well. It was one thing to watch Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James talk about hockey or play roller hockey around the Palm Woods when they got the chance. But being able to actually watch them play on the ice was like old times.

As much as she pretended that she didn't like to go to his games and practices and get dragged everywhere, she didn't realize how much she missed it until it was gone. California wasn't the same without her big brother there to pave the way for him. Especially in such a big house with just her mother around. And she was sure her mother was lonely. That was something she wanted to talk to Kendall about and she wanted to bring up to their dad about as well. She wondered if he was lonely as he continuously traveled and worked with not a lot of down time. He didn't talk to Kendall a lot, he didn't talk to their mother a lot—as understandable as that was, and Mr. Diamond, Mr. Garcia, and Mr. Mitchell hadn't been around each other in a long time.

Katie shook her head and focused her attention back on the ice. She needed to give Kendall all of her support rather than focus on things he probably couldn't change. Finally the referee blew his whistle and the game was back on. She watched as the two teams seemed to come together in a giant pile on as both teams tried to keep the puck from advancing and simultaneously move it forward. Finally, one of the players on Kendall's team managed to break away from the back and skate towards the right side of the goal, bringing the defensive players of the Blues' along with him.

That gave Kendall and another player the opportunity to move on the opposite side of the goal and intercept the puck. He passed the puck backwards and skated out of the way of a defensive player that tried to crash him into the boards. He turned around and slapped his stick to the ground, calling for the puck to be passed his way. When it finally did, he then had two players covering his back. Katie could see the flash of indecision on her big brother's face, before he turned around and gave the puck a slap shot to send it back to his goalie.

Katie smiled, hearing the sound of the audience gasp loudly in surprise at his choice of move. She could even hear his coach screaming his name from across the ice, over the roar of the crowd. Katie glanced at the stands and watched as James, Carlos, and Loan, who also seemed to understand what he was doing, standing up and start cheering for Kendall despite the confused faces around them.

"Come on, big brother!" Katie shouted, gently tapping her fingers on the glass.

The goalie caught the puck and waited for the offense Blues players to come closer before tossing it to the side to the Left Wing Magicians player, with Kendall circling around the back of the net. He criss-crossed behind the Left Wing and nabbed the puck as it was passed to him and drove a breakaway towards the net with renewed vigor.

The Left Wing and Center players knocked two of the Blues' players out of Kendall's way as he went. Then he came to a sudden stop, sending ice flying in all directions as he was suddenly blocked. He passed the puck behind him to the Center player to shot around to receive the puck. Kendall skated around the defenders that came his way, having to skate back and forth, trying to find an opening. Finally, he found an opening to come around from behind the net, taking the puck back from the Left Wing player.

As he came around the front side of the goal he ducked out of the way of a defensive player, passed his hockey stick to his left hand, and twisted his wrist, sending the puck into the top corner of the goal. Katie screamed out a cheer and jumped up and down as the final buzzer went off, signaling the Magicians won the game.

Kendall fist-pumped twice before opening his arms to accept the dog-pile like hug his teammates gave him before he was suddenly crushed by She grinned and glanced around at her friends to see them cheering just as hard as she was.

Then Katie looked over at Riley again and twisted her mouth to the side. The girl was like her older sister and they talked about a lot of things. But there was still something she hadn't really come to terms with. "Do you miss him?" She asked.

Riley gave him a funny look. "Why is everyone asking me that?"

"Because we're all nosey. And you seem to be handling it all pretty well."

Now Riley tilted her head to the side. "I've been in long distance relationships before. Do you expect me to fall apart into a pile of tears? Wouldn't that be daggy of me?"

"Yes," Patrick and Noah chimed in at the same time, causing Riley to laugh. Then at Katie's confused expression Patrick clarified, "it means 'silly'. Not that anything is wrong with crying over someone they miss, it's not. She's being sarcastic."

"I asked you directly," Katie pointed out, knowing Riley's trick to find a loophole in things she didn't particularly want to answer. "So you _have_ to answer me."

Riley gave her a 'duh' look. "I never said I didn't. Of course I miss him. Probably a lot more than I can say. But I can tell you, for future reference, there is truth to the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'."

"Aww," Lizzie cooed.

Riley made a face and lightly jostled Katie's shoulder. "And that's the reason why I don't like to say things like that, Kid. I'd rather leave that to you two, yeah?" Katie's nose wrinkled and Patrick made a sound of annoyance in response. "So you're telling me if Pat jumped off a bridge you wouldn't miss him?"

Lizzie answered before Katie could. She slung her arm around her best friend's shoulders and said, "Miss him? She probably was the one to push him off."

Katie laughed along with her friends and as they moved to rejoin their friends—and nearby fans—in the stands, Katie snuck over to the closest door that led to the ice. She caught Kendall's attention and he quickly skated over and wrapped her up in a giant hug.

"You did _awesome_ , big brother!" She cried.

"Missed you, too, baby sister."

.

..

...

"So you guys have to tell me what's going on, I'm not hearing anything about what's going on back there," Kendall said. He glanced at the goal, down at the puck in front of him, then back at the goal and took a shot, easily smacking it against the back of the net. Then he skated back a few steps and handed the stick over to Logan, who moved to take his spot.

"I find it incredibly hard to believe that with the advancements that social media has made with news journalism you haven't heard anything," Logan commented. He wobbled on his skates for a second, frowning. It used to be second nature for him and now he wobbled. What a difference distance made.

Kendall gave him a look then rolled his head to look at James and Carlos. "Let me guess, he got that from his fancy schmancy school, right?" The three laughed as Logan rolled his eyes, before he joined in on the laughter as well.

"I didn't learn that in school, at this point its common sense," Logan defended himself. He sniffed and studied the goal, feeling the cold starting to get to his fingers. "Because of the speed of social media news gets spread around faster and faster. And considering what we saw in terms of things being spread around as Big Time Rush I don't think you could get on your phone for a second and not see anything that's been going on back in LA." He took a shot on goal and made it as easily as Kendall. Nevertheless he tilted his head to the side, squinting for a second. "It's breaking right."

"Aww." Carlos put his arm around Logan's shoulders. "That's what you said when you tried to convince Kendall to go out to work with Gustavo in the first place."

Logan held up a finger. "I believe that's what I said about a _shopping cart_ not about Kendall."

"It'd work either way," James said. He laughed and shoved Kendall on the shoulder before taking the hockey stick from Logan and moved to take his spot on the ice. "But seriously, the only thing that's been going on around in LA is a whole lotta nothing. Other than Carlos getting hyper off of wedding cake samples that he continues to get sent to 2J which he _knows_ annoys me because I can't eat any of it."

Kendall made a face and Logan chose to explain, "Now that he's got a solo career he can't have _any_ junk food except on Sundays."

"Then what do you call the dinner we're having tonight?"

"Late," Carlos complained. He rubbed his stomach and tried to look pitiful. "Why did that restaurant have to have a two hour wait? Why couldn't we have just gone somewhere else?"

"Because it's the closest restaurant to the hotel and my apartment. Plus I wanted you to meet the guys and they're joining us so…" Kendall shrugged, tugging at the collar of his jersey.

"We should've just used our celebrity to buy out the entire restaurant," James commented. Logan watched as he continuously flicked his hair out of his face until it was at the perfect placement so that he could take his shot on goal. "So we didn't have to wait so long. Hell, our combined celebrity and the Jacksons _and_ Camille's, _and_ Jo's, _and_ Ronan's, _and_ Gustavo and Kelly's could've gotten us something. I mean, what's the use of being celebrities if we can't get something out of it?"

"Are we really celebrities though?" Carlos asked.

"I think considering we had to momentarily move out of the Palm Woods because of fans that somehow managed to find their ways inside the crib, we're celebrities," Logan said with a half smile. "If anything about the social hierarchy in LA is true, then yeah."

"So what _has_ school been teaching you Big Time Brain?" Kendall crossed his arms and smiled over at Logan. "You've been in school for a while now. Is it as easy as you thought it would be? Are you putting everyone to shame?"

 _So far I've only managed to shame myself,_ Logan thought. "So far I've learned I don't know how to follow directions and that my teacher might be on a bit of a power trip. That and even when I'm on a bit of a break I'm still going to have work to do." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I have to finish a paper and I'm contemplating going to my Mom's place to get it done. I have to go visit her anyway."

"What if your Dad's there?"

Logan held his breath. Then very slowly let it out, avoiding Kendall's gaze as he admitted. "I've already seen him. He stopped by the crib to wish me luck on the way to our first class." Kendall's face screwed up almost immediately. "He said he had some work that he needed o do down there, I don't know. It was weird. He's really starting to try and be friends again or…or fix our relationship but a part of me expects to turn around and see him taken away in handcuffs again."

"It might happen. But my Dad likes to handcuff people for fun sometimes," Carlos said innocently. "Just as long as he doesn't give you any welts or yells at you or anything…he's still making sure that his training from his anger management classes works out."

"Just like he interrogated us so badly that you cried?" James teased. He took a shot and the puck sailed past the goal. With the speed the puck hit the back wall, it came right back to him and he shot again, smacking it into the goal.

"I didn't _cry_ ," Logan defended himself.

"Yes, you did."

"What was it over again?" Kendall started to snap his fingers. "Uh, uh, oh! That stupid strawberries thing."

"Oh, yeah." Logan laughed.

And laughed hard.

Those stupid strawberries.

When they were in third grade, shortly after he had moved to Minnesota, the mothers had gotten together to take the boys and Katie on a trip to a farm to go strawberry picking. Well, that last only so long before the boys started to throw their picked berries at each other, then had a contest to see who could eat the most on the way back without puking. Then they split the last of them evenly and took them to their houses to eat later. Come to find at some point that Carlos's strawberries were stolen and eaten—which of course Kendall, Logan, and James did—and it became such a big injustice to the most sensitive of the four.

Next thing Logan knew he was standing with James and Kendall against a white wall in the Garcia house with lamps pointed directly in his face and being screamed at by an angry father. An angry father that is already intimidating on any other occasion. But then having that close to his face and being screamed at scared him more than his own mother when she was disappointed.

"So I don't like an injustice, so what?" Carlos defended himself.

Logan smiled and shook his head, twirling his finger beside his head. Then he reached out and patted Kendall on the shoulder. "Seriously, man, not much is going on here. I'm going to school, Gustavo is being tortured by James, or the other way around depending on how you want to see it, and Carlos is freaking out over his wedding."

"Oh yeah, how's that going?" Kendall ran a hand through his hair, spiking it up in the front. "Is the 'perfect couple' starting to fall apart over the decorations?"

"Not the decorations; just some family things to work through. And you know, just thinking about it in general. We haven't been engaged for long but neither of us wants a long engagement, but I don't know what I'm doing either. If we could just sit around and eat cake and just be married, I'd totally do that."

"Mm, that was basically what my parents' wedding was like and look how that ended up," James pointed out. He pointed one way and then the other. "One is so much of an alpha female that if it were possible to reproduce without men she'd find a way to do it. And the other is a freaking man child that flirts with any girl that crosses his path, including my own girlfriend. I don't think you want that."

"Housewife and in jail," Logan chimed in. "Ex-con, actually. But you know what I mean."

Kendall raised his hand. "Separated but not divorced and still have no idea what's going on. Be glad you had positive role models of a happy and healthy relationship."

"Well, yeah, but—"

"—But nothing, Carlitos. Be happy." Kendall laughed and handed Carlos the hockey stick, maneuvering him into place. Then he backed away to make sure he wasn't within the striking zone. He nudged James on the arm. "So what's up with you?"

Logan couldn't help but laugh to himself. That was always Kendall. Despite the night being about him, dinner and gathering and all, he always managed to turn his attention towards everyone else. It was actually starting to get a bit annoying. The last thing Logan wanted to talk about at this point was his schoolwork. Especially because…it wasn't as fun as he thought it would be. The routine was kind of monotonous and nothing exciting particularly happened. Nothing like being in one city one night and waking up in another city the next.

Nothing like finding fans hiding in his closet whenever he checked into a hotel room. Nothing like leaving everything on stage to screaming fans. He liked to learn, _loved_ to learn. But maybe it was something he was better at on his own time instead of having someone lecture to him for hours on end.

Maybe he didn't think about it as well as he thought he did.

Still, he absolutely loved learning and being in school. School was always the best part of his day. And he longed to be in school when he was in Big Time Rush; despite how unconventional the Palm Woods School was.

So what was different now?

* * *

Camille fluffed her hair as she leaned into the mirror. Then she rubbed her lips together then turned around to face her friends. "So do you think there's anything I can do to cheer him up? He's been really bummed about this paper for a while?"

"Is there anything you think you _can_ do?" Stephanie asked. "I mean, this is Logan we're talking about. He nearly had a heart attack when he was paired up with Carlos on that one project at the Palm Woods School."

"You mean that green challenge thing?" Rhuben asked. She, Jo, and Riley were sitting on the love seat on the far side of the woman's bathroom while Camille and Stephanie leaned on the counter of the sink. Rhuben continuously brushed her hair back from her face, twirling it around her finger. "I thought he was paired with that bully bloke that day."

"Same outcome," Jo commented with a smile. "He still nearly had a heart attack."

"I think that was due to the fear of being killed than of the bad grade, yeah?" Riley added.

Camille shook her head, allowing her wavy hair to fall into her face. "I'm being serious, though. He's even going to take some time out here to work on his paper. I just want him to relax a little bit, though I know that that's not really synonymous with Logan."

"Why don't you take him on another vacation?" Stephanie suggested. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "Like that one that you guys and your Dad took to the Bahamas."

Camille's eyebrow rose. "And come back and feel so completely out of the loop? That didn't really help matters much last time, remember?" It _had_ been a fun vacation while they were gone; it was the best she had seen her father and her boyfriend get along with each other since the first time they met…when he wasn't glaring at Logan from the time that Camille had tackled him after she found out she could stay in the Palm Woods after their first video.

And the vacation _had_ been great, not counting the lack of cell service and internet service they had. Coming back to their friends again was fun but awkward, there were inside jokes they missed out on, they missed Dak becoming closer friends with the group through Rhuben—something Logan still wasn't 100% comfortable with, missed trips to the beach and amusement park and museums and just general goofing out that was then plastered all over their social media timelines. Prompting fans to ask if they were all still friends.

"So just give him a day to himself, 'Mille. Or in this case a day just for the two of you," Riley suggested.

Camille sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. Then she smiled. "Is that what you have planned with Kendall?"

"I'll let you know after tomorrow."

"Did you tell me this?" Rhuben asked her twin.

"Yeah, I needed someone else to know in case we got lost."

"Too right."

Stephanie cleared her throat. "Okay, well, the first thing you need to do is relax. Because you know what happens when the two of you get worked up." She waved her hand. "And don't worry about it now. Not only are we here to have some fun, but you also have to think about the auditions that you're doing. Aren't you supposed to hear back from your agent soon?"

"Yeah, couple of days. Actually, I wanted to talk to Dak about a couple of things about that."

"Better do it fast, his show tour starts soon," Rhuben explained. She thought for a moment then pointed over at her sister. "I might have to steal your idea of what you have planned for Kendall and use it for Dak."

"Go ahead, I took the idea from Steph," Riley said. She laughed lightly. "And considering she's about to get married, good thing it works."

Camille laughed along with them, her mind swirling with a million things that she could do to help him out. She hated to see him so freaked out over everything. But if there was anything she knew about Logan other than loving him so much, it was how to calm him down from some things and this time around she knew just the way to do it. There were just a few more people she needed to talk to.

* * *

 **A/N:** This chapter was originally completely different and at the last minute I scrapped it and came up with this. Trust me when I say that this one was much better than what I came up with before.

 **-Riles**


	13. Too Late For Meeting The Family

**.:Chapter Twelve:.**

Too Late For Meeting The Family

* * *

Gustavo frowned as he brushed snow off his shoulders. Then he jerked his head around and brushed snow off his other shoulders before he started to flail his arms through the air. "Why the heck did we decide to come back here?" He demanded. "It was bad the _first_ time when my coffee _froze_ the second we got out of the airplane and into the limo! And now the sky is falling!"

Kelly rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "It's just _snowing_ Gustavo. You've seen a snowfall before. And it's not even _sticking_ to the ground!"

"I don't think he's annoyed by the snow," Mrs. Knight pointed out. She gave a humorless smile. "I think he's annoyed that he's going over to Kevin's house for dinner rather than going _out_ to dinner with the boys and the others."

"Aw." Kelly smiled and exchanged a glance with Ronan. "Because you miss them so much?"

Gustavo stuck out his lower lip. "No! Because I can't have my crab legs, because I can't have a table to myself, because I—"

"—can't get over the stupid little intricacies that you have that also make you a difficult person to be around?" Ronan broke in. He laughed and ducked out of the way as Gustavo tried to whack him on the back of the head. "I can't be the only one that sees it."

"No, just the only one that's brave enough to say something," Mrs. Knight replied.

"Or incredibly stupid," Kelly pointed out.

Gustavo's pout deepened and their footsteps continued to crunch along the ground as they walked from the parking lot on the short jaunt to the apartment complex. As far as Gustavo could currently see, it wasn't as nice as any of the apartments he had ever stayed in, it didn't even compare to the last mansion he had left.

"So what's been going on with James?" Mrs. Knight asked after a moment of silence. It was obvious she was doing her best to keep the subject off of where they were going and what they were about to do. It had to be hard to accept an invitation to eat dinner with her separated—and not quite ex—husband and act as if nothing was going on.

Not that Gustavo had ever been married. He'd dated around, hadn't ever gotten engaged. His life was too hectic for it, long hours at the recording studio, long hours on tour, long hours writing music. It was a very selfish industry to be in and so far no one apart from Kelly had been able to keep up with his schedule that way. If it weren't for Kelly, he was sure he would've gone completely crazy by that point. _Especially_ where his dogs were involved.

"Things are moving a lot slower than we would've liked to be honest," Kelly said. She reached up and pulled her hat down over her ears to keep out the chilly wind that blew. "We thought after the success that the band was he'd be able to move through things pretty quickly. But that might be the problem at the same time."

Mrs. Knight frowned. "I don't get it."

Ronan took the opportunity to explain, noticing Gustavo didn't seem to be paying attention to the conversation. "Basically there are a few things that are a factor at the moment; not only are other boy bands that started _after_ them getting bigger, but there's also the shift in the genre of music. Instead of pop music being at the forefront as it had been since, probably, 2010, things are starting to turn into indie music. Collaborations are becoming more and more popular. EDM is something that's really coming in and hip-hop and rap is becoming popular again."

"And considering James is primarily doing pop music there's not really any space for him to make his start," Kelly agreed.

"Right. And that makes it harder for other people to want to work with James, to want to write a song for him, to want to promote him in the ways that Big Time Rush had been when they were together."

"In other words the demand is low."

"Exactly."

Mrs. Knight nodded as she took in the information. She hadn't been part of the music industry long, working as the boys' manager whenever they needed, but never officially their manager. Still, sitting on the outskirts of the industry and looking in seemed to be the better place to be than directly in everything.

"So that's why you hired Shane?" Mrs. Knight asked.

The question finally broke Gustavo out of his thoughts. "Shane came to us before we could go to him! And it's a good thing he did. He's got a lot of ideas to help him, different events to go to; different ways to get his name out there. He's suggested that James start out by doing a bunch of covers and appearances for his fans, to drum up interest him in solo before _really_ focusing on putting his stuff out."

"But we have some demos going," Kelly added quickly.

Ronan gave a wry smile. "And how does that make James feel? Having to hold back like this must be difficult."

"I was going to say the same thing," Mrs. Knight agreed. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "As long as I've known him he's always wanted to be in the spotlight. And he was always on the move to do it. Holding back must be…difficult."

"Actually, he's taking it all in stride," Gustavo said. His tone betrayed how surprised he felt over the whole situation. But it was true. James had grown a lot since the start of Big Time Rush. It infuriated Gustavo to have to consistently reign in his enthusiasm and overly-dramatic antics to get ahead. This time around, however, he was doing everything he was told when he was told to. "Surprisingly. I've got a bottle of spray water ready in case he starts to go off the rails again."

Mrs. Knight laughed, running a hand through her hair. "That's James alright. But you're right, he's grown up. He knows when to act crazy and when to be serious. Especially without the other guys around him." She motioned with her hand before taking a quick left turn. "It's this way." All of a sudden her footsteps started to slow to where the group was almost moving at a snail's pace.

Gustavo rubbed his lips together. He looked at her for a minute. Then he looked at the sky and let out a low growl. "Why are we walking so slowly?!" He demanded. "I'm hungry!" With that, he started walking a little faster, swinging his arms as he did so. "And I'm not going to spend another minute out here in this cold! Who likes to come out here anyway? What's the point? What can you do here?"

"Plenty of things if you have the brain capacity to have fun," Ronan muttered. "As far as I'm concerned this guy was born with a bald head, a mini mustache, and yelling orders at the orderlies when they didn't birth him correctly."

"I heard that!" Gustavo shouted back.

He walked all the way to Kevin's apartment and slammed his fist against the door. Kevin opened the door and blinked rapidly, eyes widening as Gustavo shoved by him and into the apartment yelling at the top of his lungs for food.

"Don't worry about Gustavo, unfortunately he's _always_ like that," Kelly said as she, Ronan, and Mrs. Knight came up behind him.

Kevin nodded and held out his arm to allow the others into his apartment. "Riiight," he agreed. He closed the door behind them and rubbed his chest, wincing a little. "Now I know why you're always telling me that you don't want him around half the time. Does he _always_ yell like that?"

"You get used to it," Mrs. Knight reassured him.

"Mm, I doubt it." Ronan wiggled a finger in his ear. "I've got five kids whose volume dials are broken at ten when they're around each other and Gustavo's normal speaking voice is a solid twenty."

Kevin smiled. Then it faded and the two men looked away from each other. Gustavo didn't pay so much attention to it but he noticed the change in tension around the two. Not just because of their link to the same woman, but also due to the trial that had only happened a few years before. Where they were on two opposing sides and anger and frustration flowed through the room.

Gustavo was just glad it wasn't him.

"So…how are things going out here with Kendall?" Mrs. Knight asked him. Gustavo, who was standing at the stove, already filling up his plate of food, looked back and forth between the two, eyes narrowing. Kevin looked as if he was taken aback by the question, probably having been caught off guard with the conversation topic coming up so quickly. "I mean, I thought you guys were supposed to be living together."

"I thought it'd be a better idea if he stayed with some of his teammates," Kevin replied with a shrug. "No big deal, it's better for him to get acquainted with him. Get over that whole rookies versus veterans thing. And besides, he's got a place to stay if he wants to get away for a bit."

Gustavo laughed loudly. "That's what my mother said to my father."

"I didn't know they were divorced," Mrs. Knight said sympathetically. She brought her hand to her chest. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Kelly said flatly. "His parents are still together. They have offices on two different sides of the house and yell at each other because they can't hear as well as they used to."

"That explains a lot," Ronan commented.

"Can it, McGuire!" Gustavo shouted back.

Kevin winced and took a step back, wiggling a finger in his ear. "Wow, Gustavo, you really need to take a chill pill."

Now Mrs. Knight, Kelly, and Ronan all winced as Gustavo gritted his teeth together. His body flushed and he could hear a faint whistling sound as he started to shake, trying to keep from bursting a blood vessel and yelling at the former hockey player. There was no doubt in his mind at that point that Kevin was related to Kendall. They both managed to infuriate him in ways he never thought imaginable.

All of a sudden Gustavo's anger subsided and he stopped shaking. His body cooled down and he went back to scooping as much food as he could onto his plate. He hadn't gotten that angry in a long time. Not since the band had ended. Not since he had watched Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James somehow managed to take his DJ setup and knock it into the pool at the after party. All of that hard work that he had put together to have a great party after their Tween choice award win had been all for nothing.

And he ranted and raved and screamed and yelled as he chased them around the pool before he caught up to them, grabbed them, and threw them into the pool. It had been so fun. And since then things hadn't been as fun for him. He loved to make music, loved to write songs and have them be performed and be spread around the world.

Before the boys, his dogs, it was a job.

When working with them it was fun.

Now Gustavo had no idea how to move forward when he was consistently reminded from all sides that Big Time Rush was a great thing while it lasted and it had gone too soon.

* * *

Stephanie's head swam.

There were too many names of too many relatives she had to remember to put to the right person. And it didn't help that they were all said to her so quickly and with such quick accents that they all blended together. Not to mention her nerves were already working overtime while she smiled and acted as polite as possible to keep from saying or doing anything that would bring offense.

Now she knew what it was like for her boyfriends when she brought them around her family, especially her brother; Jeryn. Jeryn made sure the guys she was dating knew he would do everything in his power to take down whomever hurt her but this was different. This was an entire family she was meeting for the first time, whom she had to make an impression on and hope would be supportive of their engagement.

"And this is my little cousin Maria," Carlos said with a bright smile of a flourish. He spread out his arms before placing them on his hips. "And that's my family."

"Your _entire_ family?" Stephanie asked under her breath, watching as people milled in and out of the kitchen talking and laughing loudly. Others she saw were looking at young couple curiously while others were outright glaring at her.

"Well." Carlos paused. He stood on his tiptoes and bobbed and weaved for a few moments then scratched the back of his head. "Not _all_ of them. Some of my aunts and uncles and cousins aren't here. And then there's some more from my Mom's side that aren't here."

"Wow." Stephanie smiled a little. "And I thought _I_ had a big family. A lot of cousins and aunts and uncles but…but not as many as this."

Carlos nodded in agreement. "Yeah, my Mami and Papi and Abuela and Abuelo…on both sides…had a lot of siblings."

"Abuela and Abuelo are…grandmother and grandfather?"

"Right."

"And you're an only child? That must've gotten pretty lonely?"

In typical Carlos fashion he continued to smile. "Not really. We're always together celebrating some event or another. Nothing is too big or too small to be celebrated so we were always together for something. And I always had the guys to hang out with so…" he turned to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I promise they're all going to love you."

"Yeah…what about them?" Stephanie motioned to the relatives that continued to look at them strangely, others that were glaring. Some had the decency to look away when they realized Carlos and Stephanie were watching them.

"They just don't know you yet." Carlos laughed and looked down as Maria walked over to him and stretched her arms up towards him, obviously wanting to be picked up. He reached down and wrapped his arm around the backs of her knees and balanced her against his side. "Come on, let's go find Papi. He's _really_ excited to meet you."

"Really?" Stephanie smoothed down her dress as Carlos put his arm behind her and walked her towards the living room.

"Really! There's no one who enjoys basketball as much as he does. I think you'll get along very well. Besides, he and Mami have wanted to talk to us about the wedding so we'd have to meet up with them at some point. And I think my Abuelo and Abuela are over there, too."

"Right."

Stephanie took a deep breath and followed Carlos through the crowd of people into the living room where his mother and father were speaking animatedly with one of his cousins. Or maybe it as his uncles. Stephanie couldn't tell. Some were older than she thought, others were younger. And she still wasn't sure half of their names.

A queasy feeling rolled through her stomach and she pressed her hand against it, suddenly feeling clammy. She didn't get nervous about a lot of things but this was really starting to get to her. It was starting to become real. So far they had only thought of the bright side of the wedding, the decorations and the venues—of which they still hadn't decided where the wedding was going to take place so that their families could travel and take part in the celebration.

All thoughts of the fun dinner they had with Kendall within the last couple of hours went away. And it had been fun. It was like nothing had changed and no one had left. But she didn't pay so much attention once Carlos revealed his surprise that they were going to his house for dessert and to meet his family.

Sure the other boys didn't live so far away so they could just hang out with the others once more when they were done. But this was really starting to get to her.

"Babe. You're really starting to hurt my hand."

Startled, Stephanie looked down to find that she was crushing Carlos's free hand in hers, the tips of his fingers starting to blanche. She quickly pulled it away just as she heard a low chuckle on her left side. "You don't need to be so scared, we're all family here," Diego Garcia said with a bright smile. He reached out and clasped Carlos on the shoulder, gently shaking him. "I mean, Uncle Lenny might take some time getting used to things but he wasn't always the brightest bulb in the lamp, right?"

Carlos laughed before moving forward and giving his father a tight hug. "Papi, it's so good to see you! Hey, you look really good. That vein in your forehead had finally gone away!"

"Yes, those anger management classes have really been helping. I haven't heard him raise his voice once in almost a year. Of course that doesn't include road rage." Joanna Garcia came up to their other side and gave Carlos a big kiss on the cheek then tickled Maria's side, causing her to giggle and squirm in Carlos's grasp. "Ah, it's so great to finally meet you, Stephanie. Mi hijo has done nothing but talk about you since you met."

"Really?" Stephanie couldn't help but smile.

"Guilty as charged," Carlos admitted. Stephanie's smile widened. He clearly had no shame. "I thought you were hot. I figured if I couldn't talk _to_ you that some of what I said would get to you anyway. But then you asked me to the dance so…" he made a show of puffing on his fingers and rubbing them against his chest. "I think I did a pretty good job."

Stephanie then turned back to his parents. "It's great to finally meet you. Carlos talks about you guys a lot as well. I wish I was there at the Palm Woods when you came to visit, Mr. Garcia. It would've been good to know you then."

"Ah, but see, you're marrying my son. So that means we have plenty of time to get to know each other!" Diego shook Carlos once more. "Especially once you start popping out some grandchildren. I don't know if you've noticed but we have a big family here and we need to keep up tradition."

"Or at least two so that they have someone to play with," Joanna added.

Stephanie smiled politely and tried not to show her annoyance and discomfort. She expected those statements. Ever since she and Carlos had announced their engagement her social media accounts were filled with nothing but fans and friends asking when there was going to be a baby and what gender they wanted and what they would name it. It wasn't exactly rude, but they were questions she wasn't particularly happy to get. Couldn't they have their wedding and figure out what they would do for income _before_ getting pregnant?

Joanna reached out and grabbed onto Stephanie's hands, pulling her away from Carlos. "Now, why don't we leave these men to talk and we can get to know each other." She pulled Stephanie through the living room until they were sitting on one of the only unoccupied couches. "Okay, what's going on, honey? You look like you're about to throw up."

"Oh. Do I?" Stephanie tucked her hair behind her ears. "I guess I'm just really nervous. I mean, I don't want to do anything to offend anyone." She looked over at the crowded room then back to Joanna. "Mrs. Garcia—"

"Oh, please, call me Joanna. Everyone does."

"Right. Joanna, are some of…I mean…is your family against me and Carlos getting married? I know that interracial relationships aren't always seen as a happy occasion and I couldn't help but notice there were a few people here that didn't seem too happy. And…and when we told you about our engagement you didn't seem so happy either."

"Oh!" Joanna brought her hand up to her mouth. "Honey, I'm sorry that you got that impression. Diego and I don't mind about that. We were more upset that we didn't know ahead of time, that we weren't there for the engagement…" she cleared her throat, briefly closing her eyes. "I'll admit, not everyone in the family is happy about this. There are a few of my brothers who don't think it's something that should be done. But they're very protective of Carlos as he's my only son. My only child and he's put our family so far into the spotlight. They're just not used to that."

"I see." _My family weren't so happy about that either,_ Stephanie remembered. Her grandmother had given her a piece of her mind over the phone when demanding to know whether or not the news of the engagement was real. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't think so. They just…they just need some time. To get to know you. To understand how Carlos loves you so much. Eventually your skin color won't matter to them just as much as it doesn't matter to the rest of us."

Stephanie's eyes narrowed. She didn't completely believe that. Things could be smoothed over in some ways but their families did tend to be a bit old-fashioned. Even if they got used to the relationship, once they got pregnant things may start up all over again.

"So you don't think they'll ever approve of me and Carlos getting married?"

Now Joanna visibly looked nervous. She reached out with her free hand and patted Stephanie. "No, sweetie, I didn't say that."

She didn't need to.

Anxiety washed over Stephanie and for the first time she wondered if the marriage was a good idea.


	14. Too Late For Crazy

**.:Chapter Thirteen:.**

Too Late For Crazy

* * *

Riley lowered her phone from her face as Kendall stirred beside her. He rolled over onto his back then onto his other side, eyes fluttering open. He brought up a hand and ran it across his eyelids as he yawned. Chuckling, Riley leaned back away from him.

"And I thought bad breath only happened when you woke up in the morning," she commented.

Kendall closed his eyes as he smiled. Then his eyes flew open once more as if a wave of ice water was dumped over him. A light groan escaped his lips and he draped an arm over his eyes. "Did I really fall asleep?"

"Yes and let me say it's the first time I've ever had someone fall asleep on me when I was kissing them. So that was a fun thing to cross off my bucket list, yeah?"

"I'd be really impressed if that was actually on your bucket list."

"Yeah, well, you're skating on thin ice, pal. Pun intended." Riley tucked her hair behind her ear as she gazed at him. "I'm not upset. You really looked like you could use the sleep. Especially after the game you just played."

A light 'humph' sound came out of Kendall's mouth. He stretched out his legs and rested them in Riley's lap, the bed springs creaking below him as he did so. "Playing, like, five minutes of a game shouldn't make me this tired."

"Are you seriously complaining about five minutes of a game when you scored the winning goal?" She rested her hands on his stomach, gently digging her fingertips into the skin covered by his t-shirt. Kendall laughed and pushed her hands away. "Otherwise, I'd be surprised if you're even getting an ounce of sleep with these guys you're living with."

"Oh yeah, Craig has a habit of playing a lot of pranks. Mostly with me being the guinea pig on them. He's also very, _very_ loud."

"Yeah, I noticed when the bloke let me in." Riley commented. She wiggled a finger in her ear. "And I thought _we_ were loud."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry I fell asleep. I know you had something planned for us to do today."

Riley waved a hand. "It wasn't so important, Hockey-Head. I just wanted to make sure that you at least had some time to relax and _not_ think about hockey for a little while. Besides, you know this area better than I do so my idea probably wouldn't have worked anyway."

Now Kendall looked curious. "What were you going to do? Blindfold me, stick me in a car, and drive me somewhere against my will?" Riley glanced towards the ceiling and Kendall laughed.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't the most exciting idea for a date but it was interesting. Probably something she'd try the next time the two were in Australia or maybe back in LA. Getting to explore the city you were in was always fun to do, especially if there was anything most inhabitants hadn't seen before.

"You were really going to do that weren't you?"

"No, I was just going to drive you off a cliff." Riley laughed, stretching out onto the bed next to him, her hair falling over her face. Kendall reached out and moved her hair back from her face.

"I don't doubt you would." He watched as she continued to laugh, slowly growing concerned. "You're not funny."

Still laughing, Riley leaned over and pressed her lips against Kendall's in a long kiss. Then she leaned back and smoothed her hair out of her face, gazing down at him. She rested her chin in her hand. "Alright, so when are you going to tell me what's going on with you?"

Kendall's eyebrows lowered. He crossed his arms and shrugged. "Nothing's wrong with me."

With a patient sigh, Riley reached over and grabbed onto his cell phone as it sat on his dresser. She slid her thumb against the screen and turned it around so that he could see all of the messages that sat on his phone. Some from Jimmy, some from Gustavo, others from their friends and his parents.

"I don't think I've ever seen you have your phone get this filled with messages," she commented. "Not to mention you're ignoring your dad despite the fact you have to see him practically every day. And why haven't you answered anything from James, Carlos, or Logan?"

"I've been busy." Kendall grabbed is phone from her hands and locked the screen once more. "I haven't had a lot of time to talk to them."

"And Jimmy?"

"He's the PR guy for the team and consistently sends messages as a reminder of the things we can and can't put on social media or say in interviews."

"And your Dad?"

"What about him?" Kendall looked over at his phone once more and illuminated the screen, looking at one of the messages. "Oh, would you look at that, Gustavo wants to kill my Dad. He's not the only one, I'm surprised my mom hasn't murdered him yet. Or some of the people he's represented and lost a court case for. I wonder what I'd wear to the funeral."

"That's not funny," Riley reminded him.

"It is when you realize that my dad gets on Gustavo's nerves just as much as I do."

Riley's eyes narrowed for a minute as she stared at Kendall. He made a show of looking away from her, causing her to smirk. Instead of pushing him to spill the beans, she waited quietly for him to come out with it himself. That usually worked as it was. As much as he was the leader of his friends, the most mature, and the most responsible, once he found someone who would listen to what he had to say—even with the things he didn't tell a lot of people—it didn't take much for him to open up.

Finally he sighed. "What could possibly be wrong?"

"What do you think?" She shot back.

A groan escaped Kendall's lips. "You can never just answer any of my questions with a simple answer can you?"

"Would that be fun for you?"

He shot her a look and she stuck her tongue out in reply. "It'd keep my sanity, that's for sure." Then leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. She reached up and ran a hand through his hair. "So just admit that you miss them."

"Yeah, guys don't do that."

Frustrated, Riley pushed her face down into the bed and let out a huff of her own. She scratched the back of her head then flipped over onto her side. "You do realize that's the _exact_ thing you said when you all got into that big fight, yeah?"

"Yeah, so?"

"That whole moving fiasco back at the Palm Woods could've been avoided if you had just admitted you missed each other, boofhead."

"This isn't a time for semantics, Riles."

"Kendall." Riley sat up and Kendall looked at her, waiting for whatever it was she had to say. She waited until knowing she had his full attention. Being able to simply say his name like that always came in handy at times. "I'm being serious."

"I know. You didn't call me Hockey-Head."

"Do you want to know what your problem is?" She didn't give him a chance to answer. "Your problem isn't that you just miss everyone. Your problem is that you're afraid you're being left behind." Kendall started to protest but Riley cut him off, putting her hand over his mouth. "You've come out to Minnesota to live your dream and that's amazing. And you're afraid you've left everyone behind just as much as you're afraid you've been forgotten. Logan's busy with school, James's solo career is starting up, and Carlos is taking that next big step and getting married. Everything they've done is something that you've wanted or could've done but decided to go the hockey route."

Kendall pressed his lips together. "You know I couldn't turn this down. It was a—"

"—once in a lifetime opportunity, I know. You've said it enough. There was no way you weren't going to take the chance. But now you're on your own. When you first came out LA you were with Mama Knight and Katie and you made a lot of different friends. Now you're in Minnesota with none of that around and everyone else is still thriving around you. It's not a coincidence that those guys are your friends; you support each other with everything. And now you don't have the support system here."

Kendall let out a frustrated sigh and rolled off of his bed, standing in the middle of the room. He pulled down the bottom of his gray t-shirt and crossed his arms. Riley looked up at him, tilting her head to the side.

"Okay, maybe you're right," he finally admitted. He started to pace back and forth. As he continued to speak it was more like he was talking to himself rather than his girlfriend who sat quietly, watching him. "Maybe I've been rethinking being out here because the guys aren't with me. But can you blame me? I haven't been treated like crap like this since I was in middle school trying out for the high school team. Is it so bad that I think things should be going differently? Or that they wouldn't be going this way if I had stuck around in LA, maybe tried out for one of their teams?"

At this Riley's eyes widened. "Sheesh, it's no wonder you take it so seriously." She tapped her chin. "Oh and being the low man on the totem pole isn't something you're use to and it's making you feel like you're not good at all."

"Right."

Wobbly, Riley got to her feet, standing on the bed. She placed her hands on her hips. "Are you crazy?!" She snapped.

Kendall paused in his pacing. Then the turned back to her and mimicked her earlier movement, tilting his head to the side. "I think you're the one who has that portion of our relationship covered, Riles."

"I swear you're going to pay for that one later, Kendall. Do you really think that you can go through life having things done easily for you?"

"Why does this sound so familiar?"

"I mean, you had to have that tough lesson when you guys first started sa your band too."

"Ah, that's it."

"And even then you couldn't understand it." Riley lowered her hands form her hips, allowing her anger to fade when she realized she wasn't angry at all. Frustrated, maybe. But not angry. Here these four boys were consistently complaining about missing each other but they were too stubborn to admit it to each other. She understood hat completely; knowing she'd be completely distraught if she had to be away from her brothers and sisters the same way. But couldn't quite understand what it was that was keeping them from telling each other. "May I ask you something?"

"You always do," Kendall pointed out.

She smiled a little and abruptly dropped her feet from underneath her, plopping down on his bed once more. Riley placed her hands in her lap and let out a quiet breath. "You know I miss you, right?" Even she was surprised at how soft her voice had gotten. Maybe as a precursor to how she thought he would react to her actual question.

Kendall nodded, his eyebrows coming together. "Of course. I miss you, too."

"And you miss your mum and Katie?"

"Yeah."

"And all of your friends."

Kendall lowered himself to his bed once more. "What are you getting at, Riles?"

"Have you ever thought the only reason you're terrible at saying goodbyes is because of what happened with you and your Dad? I mean, he walked out on your guys without saying a word to you or Katie. He stayed away for most of your guys' lives so you had to fend for yourselves. You even had to get a job to help your mum make ends meet, yeah? And now you're out here working on your hockey dream and he's around again? Must be hard."

Kendall blinked at her for a long minute.

"What?" she asked, eyes shifting back and forth.

This wasn't the reaction she expected. She expected him to start yelling at her, to tell her she was wrong, to tell her she was crazy. Anything other than silence. The last time they had the conversation about his Dad had blown up in both of their faces all because she had gone behind his back and asked Kevin to go to an event for the Big Time Rush boys. In her defense Kendall hadn't exactly explained everything as to why he never spoke about or to his dad at the time but it had been pretty bad.

Or maybe she expected things too much, the worst specifically. Slowly he had taught her how not to see the bad in everything but sometimes she felt it creeping up the back of her neck. The desire to keep form moving forward because whatever was behind her would catch up and forcibly keep her from advancing.

The fight or flight response could be very exhausting at times.

"Nothing." Kendall leaned in and pressed a kiss against her forehead, causing her to instantly relax. Then he rested his forehead against hers as he smiled. "How'd you get so smart?"

"Common knowledge that our parents help determine the way we turn out." She pointed towards her face, making a funny face. "I'm Grade A proof of that. No parents and look how I turned out.""

"Well, I hope you can get some of your money back on school. Because if you weren't studying to be a doctor you should seriously consider becoming a therapist of some kind."

She smiled back. "I'm just that good, Hockey-Head."

"It shows." Kendall gave her a kiss on the cheek then leaned back.

He ran a hand through his hair, tousling his bangs. "Speaking of which, how _is_ school going." He laughed when she mimed sticking a finger down her throat. "That bad, huh?"

"I just don't particularly like school. I like to learn things on my own, form the people around me, from life…Being cooped up in a room to be lectured to for hours on end isn't my idea of fun, yeah?" She pulled her hair around so it cascaded over one shoulder. Then she rolled her eyes. "But its uni and I can't afford to put it off. Got to have a backup plan just in case."

"In case the band ends," Riley pointed out. "In case life gets in the way. In case we get bored. If you haven't noticed, I get bored easily."

"Oh, I noticed. How many nicknames have you come up for me already?"

"Including or not including the ones that are actually based off your name?"

"Does it matter?"

"Clearly it does or it wouldn't bother you so much." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. "So promise me that you'll at least try to think about talking to your dad. I don't want to force your or anything if you _really_ don't want to." He smiled and nodded. Then a cry of surprise escaped his lips when Riley reached out her foot and kicked him hard in the side, causing him to fall off the bed and onto the floor.

"And that's for calling me crazy."

* * *

 **A/N:** Kendall's and Kevin's relationship is always interesting to me. I need to work on that and the Knight family dynamic more.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riles**


	15. Too Late For Questioning

**.:Chapter Fourteen:.**

Too Late For Questioning

* * *

Logan squirmed as Camille tightened her grasp on his wrist. "Can I _please_ take this blind fold off now?"

"No, not yet!" Camille slapped his hand away as he tried to sneak up and rip the blind fold off his face. "It'll ruin the surprise."

"The surprise was that you barged into my house and dragged me out of my sleep when I wasn't supposed to get up for another hour so I could—"

"So you could bury your head into your books again? Sorry, baby, but even I think you're starting to go a bit overboard. And you know when I say it it's starting to get bad." Camille shook her head, continuing to pull Camille behind her. He had been quiet the entire way in the car, but as far as she knew he could've been listing numerous ways to fix his paper in his head.

From the way his hands twitched in his lap that may as well have been it. Or else he was flinching not knowing where they were going or why he had to experience being chauffeured while blindfolded. (Or her ever present reasoning that he never truly liked to give control over to someone else, but that was beside the point).

"Besides, I told you I had a surprise for you, and I plan to keep that promise." Camille tightened her grip on Logan's hand and leaned over; waving her other hand to make sure he wasn't peaking. She gasped in surprise when he reached up his hand and grabbed onto her shaking one. "You said you weren't peeking!"

"I'm not, but I can't ignore the man-made fan in my face," Logan replied. He smiled. "I honestly can't see what you're doing or where we're going." The two froze as Logan suddenly tripped over an upraised portion of the sidewalk and nearly fell on his face if it weren't for Camille holding onto him.

They were quiet for a moment before the two started to laugh. Camille looped her arm through Logan's. "Maybe that'll be safer."

"Maybe." Logan leaned his head down and blindly searched for her head to give her a kiss and ended up bumping into the corner of her eye, causing the two to laugh once more. Finally, Camille steered him into a building and she could see his eyebrows furrow together when the sound of automatic doors opening reached his ears.

He paused and tilted his head to the side as he continued to listen. Smiling to herself, Camille moved behind Logan and grabbed onto his shoulders, steering him in the direction she had been told to go. Finally, she planted Logan in one spot and went up to the receptionist, speaking quietly as she said, "We're here to see Dr. Montgomery. I'm Camille Roberts."

"Yes, he's been expecting you," The receptionist said with a bright smile. He got up from behind the desk and motioned for Camille to follow her.

Camille went back to Logan. When she grabbed onto his arm he jumped and backed away from her. Surprised at his reaction, Camille leapt backwards as well. "Geez, don't _do_ that!"

"Well don't scare _me_ like that," Logan said. He threw his hands into the air then gestured wildly at his face. "I don't know if you've noticed but I'm blindfolded here!"

"And I'm trying to do something nice for my boyfriend so stop complaining!" With that, Camille reached out and pinched Logan's ear lobe, dragging him behind her as she went to follow the receptionist. Logan, with no choice but to follow or else the pain in his ear would increase, bent himself to the side and scurried quickly muttering "ow" every few seconds.

Finally, the receptionist turned to an office and held out her arm and Camille went inside, sitting down in one of the empty seats. Logan sat down next to her and she finally released her grip on his ear, causing him to wince as he rubbed it. "You know I have sensitive ears, 'Mille, why do you insist on doing that?"

"Because I know it works," Camille replied with a smug smile. She crossed her legs at the knee and reached up to pull the blindfold away from his eyes. Finally able to see, Logan blinked a few times before his eyes finally adjusted.

He looked around the room a few times before his eyes narrowed, focusing on the degrees that sat on the wall across from him, right behind the desk."Where are we?" He asked slowly.

"Surprise!" Camille threw her hands into the air. Then she giggled at the moderately surprised and annoyed expression on Logan's face after having been jerked around for so long. "I knew you were feeling kind of down about school and everything so I thought it was a good idea to cheer you up a little bit."

'And you brought me here…?" Logan pressed.

Camille nodded. She briefly closed her eyes and turned to face him. "My dad may not be so happy to know that we're living together, and he may not show it a lot, but he likes you. Even he could see you weren't having a good time in school as much as you thought you would. So he made a few calls to his friends and Dr. Montgomery agreed to talk to you a little bit about what it's like to be a surgeon and how schooling went and everything."

For a moment Logan's jaw dropped. Then he closed it and reached out, pressing his hands to the sides of Camille's face. "I love you, you know that?" He asked, eyes searching hers.

"Of course, silly," Camille replied. She started to laugh lightly then abruptly stopped and looked at him seriously. "Especially because you and I both know that I would take on any girl that tried to take you away from me."

Logan smiled and leaned in, giving her a quick kiss. However, it wasn't fast enough for he practically leapt backwards out of his seat when Dr. Montgomery finally made his way into the office, giving the young couple a warm smile as he did so. Camille laughed once more, shaking her head. Logan cared what people thought of him in professional settings and that was fine, she was okay with it. It was actually funny sometimes. Especially when she messed with him while out in public, trying any way she could think of to trick and tease him until he blushed a flaming red.

"You must be Logan and Camille," Dr. Montgomery said. He reached out his hands to shake both of theirs. "I've heard nothing but good things about you both. I've known your father since we were in college, Camille, even saw you a few times when you were a young thing. You probably don't remember. And Hank spoke very highly of you, Logan."

Logan sat up in surprise, eyebrows rising. "He did?"

"You don't have to be that suspicious," Camille said with a shake of her head.

"You know how your dad is around me; it's not that far of a stretch to be suspicious if he says something good about me."

With a roll of her eyes, Camille addressed Dr. Montgomery, "That's just because he worried about me. I'm his only kid. Anyway, Dr. Montgomery. I brought Logan here so you can tell him a little bit about what you do and your schooling and everything."

Dr. Montgomery nodded and leaned back in his seat. He rested his hands against his chest, eyes narrowing for a moment as he thought. Then he nodded. "Yes, well, as Camille probably told you I'm a surgeon. If you want to be specific, my career is focused on heart surgery."

"How did you know you wanted to go into that area specifically?" Logan questioned.

"Through an undiagnosed heart illness that my grandfather went through. Watching him waste away…I wanted to know what was going on and how to stop it if it was something genetic or if someone else had the same problem." Dr. Montgomery sniffed once then sat up straight, resting his hands on the desk in front of him. "That was my main focus throughout my schooling."

"Was it ever hard?" Camille asked. She looked at Logan out of the corner of her eye, watching to see his response.

"Oh yes, becoming a doctor is one of the most difficult career paths you can go through," Dr. Montgomery said seriously. Even his facial expression turned serious as soon as the words left her mouth. "There have been many people who went through undergrad and knew it wasn't what they wanted right after receiving their degree. I've seen those drop-out of pre-med, others dropping while in grad school. And if there's a chance to get to residency, I've seen kicked out just because they weren't ready. Realistically, those that start the program aren't always the ones who'll be there with you at the end."

Logan frowned.

"There are people who really want to help out in the world and they want to do the same things I do, or what other doctors are doing and they don't understand the work that needs to be put into it," Dr. Montgomery said. "But I can see you have a lot of heart, Logan."

Now Logan looked amused. "How do you know that? You don't even know me."

"You're sitting here in my office aren't you?"

Camille smiled.

"Now, I understand you're here to be shadowing me, to see how a real doctor works but I want to get to know you a little better, first. There's always a reason that people want to go into being a doctor, what's yours?"

Over the next few hours Logan and Dr. Montgomery talked and did hospital rounds while Camille sat back, listened, and watched. And she watched all with a smile on her face. Even if he couldn't see it, Logan was smiling as well and she knew for sure, that was where he belonged. Finally, when the day was over Logan and Dr. Montgomery exchanged contact information and finally the young couple left.

Logan was silent most of the way back to the car despite Camille's best efforts to get him to open up. "I know this was really sprung up on you but I thought it would help. So you could remember why you wanted to be a doctor in the first place."

Logan nodded towards her. "Thanks, Camille," he said. But he didn't say anything else as he got into the passenger seat of the car.

Camille sighed heavily and got into the driver's seat. She slammed the door shut and gripped the steering wheel as hard as she could to release some of her frustration. Here she was doing something nice and it was hardly appreciated. Once she was calm, she asked "What's going on, Logan?" in a low whisper.

Logan opened and closed his mouth. Then he ran his hands over his face. "You don't get it," he said honestly.

"I guess I don't." Camille shifted in her seat to face him. He continued to look out the front windshield at the concrete wall in front of him as if that was suddenly more interesting. "What's going on, Logan? You're not having any fun while you're out here and the only reason we're here is so you can see Kendall. I thought even _that_ would've made you feel better."

He raised an eyebrow. "Watching him succeed as he always does with little effort while I'm failing? Yeah, that's a great thing to see."

Camille frowned. "I don't think things are easy for him."

"Things are always easy for Kendall. And James. And Carlos. They've always been easy for them. Because of their talent, because of their personality, because of their looks…they've always been one step ahead of me."

"I don't understand…"

Licking his lips, Logan now turned to face her as well. He reached out his hand and grabbed onto Camille's and brought it up to his lips, giving it a gentle kiss. "Thank you so much for what you did today. It's awesome and I really appreciate it. But it just reminds me that…maybe this isn't for me. Don't get me wrong, I love helping people. I like making them feel better. Being able to be a doctor is my life's passion…but I don't think I'm cut out for it. Everything I've done at school so far has had negative response, my papers aren't doing well, my professor doesn't seem to like me too much—"

"All because you didn't 'follow directions' once?" Camille used air quotes around the words then snorted. "That's bullshit, Logan. I'm sorry but it is. That professor might be on some sort of a power trip or just wants to see how well you can do. Or maybe you have a crappy teacher for your first class. Neither of your other professors do that. You shouldn't let this one get you so down." She reached out and gently ran her fingers through Logan's hair. "I don't get what's going on."

Logan closed his eyes for minute. When he spoke his voice was weak, almost as if his spirit was broken. "I've been told that I'm smart for my entire life. When I was a kid I learned how to talk, read, and write at an accelerated pace. Even my doctors were pleasantly surprised and told me that I was 'such a smart little boy'." He smiled a little. "That was always something I liked to hear because I could tell it was a good thing. It made me feel important and my parents were proud. Then my dad went to jail and while my mom and grandma made sure I understood what was going on but didn't get too scared by it…they'd say things like 'you're too smart to make the same mistake your father did'."

Camille tilted her head to the side as she listened to what Logan had to say. She knew how hard it was for him to speak about his father. There was always something strange in Logan's voice when he spoke about his father. When she first met Charlie she immediately saw the similarities between the two and thought that might've been something that scared Logan the most. But she found it wasn't that. He was stuck in a different position than Kendall and James were with their parents' divorce; he was too young to really understand what his father had done to be sent to jail and Charlie never wanted to leave his son. It was his mother and grandmother that limited contact between the two and for a while Logan was blissfully unaware.

When he got to an age where he was able to be told the whole story was when he was torn. He greatly loved his father, but Logan had a bit of a black and white view of the world and knew his father's drug dealing was something he shouldn't have done. But Charlie had done it to support his family. The family he eventually had to leave. That back and forth plagued Logan long enough that she knew he felt indifferent over the whole thing and was still open to having a relationship with his father. But it wasn't the same sort of relationship it _could've_ been.

"You think that made things harder?" She guessed.

"It was a bit of pressure, I'll admit that. My mom and grandma were just trying to help me make good choices." Logan shrugged. "I don't blame them for that at all. But then it became a nagging little thought at the back of my mind. Don't end up like dad. Don't end up like dad. And I knew academics was the best way to keep from doing the same thing. Even when we moved to Minnesota, to get away from it—I didn't know until later it was because where we lived was small enough that people's opinions of our family was starting to weigh heavily on mom—I still had the mindset of doing well in school.

"And academics has always been easy for me. So much so that I've gotten bored sometimes and in some instances haven't tried in some of my classes and have continued to get good grades. That was back in high school." He took a deep breath. "Going into college I realized…" he laughed a little. "I'm not that smart. There are so many people who are a lot smarter than me. They know how to write their papers exactly, they understand everything that's been said in class…I barely understand a word that's been said. And I feel like I'm falling further and further behind while everyone else is already on the next thing."

"Logan, you _are_ smart," Camille reminded him.

Logan gave her a look. "A twelve-year-old is smarter than me!"

Camille gave him a look in response. "Syd's smarter than me, too! What do you expect? Their dad was a freaking rocket scientist! But that doesn't make you any less smart than he is. You're starting a new form of education, Logan, it's going to be hard. That's like saying that going from a film project back to auditioning isn't."

"It's not _quite_ like that but…"

Now Camille frowned and turned to look out the front windshield as well. At the moment, she had the thought of ramming the car into the concrete wall so Logan would go flying through the windshield and crash into the wall seconds later. At least it was a little better than her original idea of tackling him, but not in a 'I'm so glad to see you' sort of way.

Logan immediately noticed her change in demeanor and grimaced. "I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean it like that."

"It sounded like you did," Camille muttered.

"I'm just saying that working through this is a lot harder than I thought it would. It's like I don't belong there. I keep getting this feeling that they're going to figure out that I'm doing something wrong or that I shouldn't have been accepted into the school and they're going to take back my acceptance and laugh in my face." He threw his hands into the air. "I wasn't even smart enough to keep my freaking band together! I could've taken classes online or gone to school part-time at UCLA and we could've kept making music and touring!"

"You _are_ still together!" Camille insisted. She had wanted to say this for a while and now that she had the opportunity it was going to come out. "You're acting like your band is a bunch of people who were randomly put together who don't like each other anymore! You're still best friends, you're still brothers, you're still a band when you're together or apart. You're not _dead_ you're just working on backup plans! You can still go back to Big Time Rush whenever you want!"

Logan stayed silent in response.

With a sigh, Camille ran a hand through her hair. "Look, Logan, I love you. And I can tell you're really hurting and you're really confused why doing what you've always wanted isn't working out the way you want. But things will get better. You just have to believe in yourself. I do."

Logan leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Camille."

Camille wanted to say 'you're welcome' but even that would've been empty. Instead, she reached over and pulled Logan into a hug. "I'm getting hungry," She said. "Do you want to go back to your house so your mom can dote on you?"

Logan smirked as he pulled back from the hug. "You just like how she constantly asks when we're going to get married."

"Hint hint."

"Let's wait to see what happens with Carlos and Stephanie and then we'll talk."

"I 'll take it."

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry for the wait, hope you enjoyed this one.

 **-Riles**


	16. Too Late For Compromise

**.:Chapter Fifteen:.**

Too Late For Compromise

* * *

Turning his skates to the side, James watched as a spray of ice scattered across the rink. He smiled, watching as it made that familiar glittery pattern he had grown to love over the years. Hockey wasn't his favorite activity in the world—who liked a sport where there was a good chance of getting his teeth knocked out, his eyes blackened, and his nose broken? But it was something he never realized he needed so much.

Being able to take a step back and allow himself to just glide over the ice and relax, which was apparently something Kendall would do a lot while back in LA when everyone else was running around acting crazy, cleared his head better than he thought it would. It cleared his head and helped him realize what had been holding him back the last couple of months. What had made him so confused about Shane wanting to help him so badly, what made him jump into doing a solo career so quickly after he and his friends decided to end Big Time Rush.

 _For the time being,_ he reminded himself.

And, funny enough, it all stemmed back to his mom and dad. Something he hadn't really thought about in a while. Not until he returned to Minnesota and spent some time there. He had forgotten how much he loved it so much, how simple things were there. A breath of fresh air from being in LA where everything moved twice as fast, you were expected to be someone you're not at nearly every second of every day, and being 'normal' was considered a sin. And yet everything continued to come back to his mother and father and the dysfunctional relationship that he had grown used to more than anything else.

Maybe he shouldn't have had to.

Frowning, James started to skate backwards a few steps. He looked at his watch then headed off the ice. He still had to get to the gym to get a work out in and then Shane had him set up to do an appearance at the mall for whomever wanted to meet him—he expected his former classmates to show up and make fun of him in some way, and everything he couldn't imagine having to do while out in Minnesota. He at lest hoped he would've been able to hang out with the guys a little bit more; maybe go camping, or check out the high school, or hang out at their normal places.

Like the diner that Mrs. Knight used to manage and serve at.

His mind swirled with all of his responsibilities and he wondered what it was going to take to get it to stop. It was a great coincidence when he went home to get changed that he found his mother sitting in the kitchen; prim and proper as she looked over stock reports from her company. Her lips were pursed the same way they did when she was concentrating hard on something. Or about to fire someone.

And at the moment he wasn't sure which a worse outcome was. Work made her crazy and firing someone made her crazy happy sometimes. It was weird, not that he wasn't proud of his mother and everything she had managed to do with her company, but she took it so seriously sometimes.

"Did someone else say 'no' to you?" James asked, sitting across from her at the table.

Brooke smiled, lowering the pages in her hand. "Yes and I'm going to feel great pleasure in firing him."

With a laugh, James ran a hand through his hair. "I thought you got over that ages ago. I mean, you can't have _everything_ go the way you want."

"Well, I don't completely believe that. You're here aren't you?" Brooke smiled and reached out, cupping her son's face in her hand. "I haven't seen you in almost a year and the only thing that brings you back is your best friend? I'm hurt."

"I never told you 'no' I wasn't coming back home," James reminded her. He shrugged. "Scheduling was the problem." He cleared his throat, stretching out his long legs under the table. "Anyway, there was something I wanted to talk to you about. With my new career and everything."

"Is everything going okay?" Brooke asked, her face settling into one of such concern that only a mother could muster. "You know you could always comeback home when things don't work out. I have plenty of space in my company for you to have a job. Or if you want to find something else to do."

"Or I could work at dad's motorcycle dealership," James pointed out.

A snort escaped Brooke's lips and James smiled. He knew that snort. Knew that look. That wasn't an option. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

"One thing I can say about your father is that he finally managed to find something he's good at. Spewing a lot of crock and collecting toys he doesn't really need. I'm sorry, honey, that's not what you wanted to talk about. You're trying to tell me something and I'm turning things back to me."

James's smile widened. "You've still been working on that therapy stuff Mama Knight told you about."

"It was part of our agreement wasn't it?" Brooke returned her hands to her lap and leveled her son with an even gaze. "You would do more shows in Minnesota, I would make sure that I loosen the reigns a little bit and make sure I understand how to be happy myself." She leaned forward and looked at James closely. "Are you happy?"

That was the question he didn't expect. Sitting back in his seat, James rubbed his lips together and looked away for a minute. Then he sat up straight and crossed his arms. "I'm happy," he said slowly. "But not as happy as I thought I would be. I mean, when we were still living here, before we were seen by Gustavo all I wanted was to be a star. Whether by modeling, singing, acting…I didn't care, I wanted to be a star. I had the talent—"

"—You've always had the talent," Brooke agreed.

"I just needed someone to believe that. To see it."

"I always did."

"I know. And dad did, too. Honestly, I think that was the problem." James's smile faded into a frown and he looked straight into his mother's eyes. "I love you and dad, but you both are crazy. You're both very vain and you can't talk to each other. And, unfortunately, I think I got that from you."

Now Brooke looked offended. She pursed her lips once more and watched James for a long moment. His heart hammered a tattoo against his rib cage. This wasn't the way he meant to start the conversation and he was sure she would find a way to be incredibly offended by it. In many ways he meant to offend her, to get the idea that there were still things about his parents' divorce that still affected him.

He didn't realize how much until he got back.

"What," Brooke took in a breath, almost as if trying to calm down a wave of anger. "Do you mean by that?"

"I mean I can't do anything without wondering what it means for everyone else around me. Would they be jealous? Most of the time I don't care because being part of this industry is to be ruthless and know what you want. But then there are times that I do care. I care a lot. Because I don't want people to get angry and to start fighting. I _hate_ it when people fight because I watched you and dad fight _all the time_. And you know what that did? It made me resent my best friend and everything he had. Despite what happened with his dad I hated that he had a great family. I hated that Gustavo wanted Kendall for his record company and not me despite how long and how hard I worked for it. I hated that. So I worked harder to prove to Gustavo I could be the guy he wanted to work with . Not to mention every girl I've ever liked has liked Kendall first."

Brooke's eyebrows rose. "But Jo—"

"Jo is Kendall's ex-girlfriend," James explained patiently. "Something that our fans don't ever seem to try and ignore as much as we do." He cleared his throat and continued. "And then there's my career, now that I finally have the chance to be solo, to be by myself I don't think I want to do that. And, honestly, I sort of blame Kendall for that too. We were all thinking of different things we'd like to do if we weren't in the band and while we were all just _seeing_ what would happen he got a letter saying he was accepted onto a hockey team. It was all he ever wanted and once again I felt a little bit of resentment instead of being happy for him.

"He's my _best friend_ and I couldn't be 100% happy for him because all I could think of what happened with you and how things just kept getting worse."

Brooke's eyebrow twitched. She leaned forward and looked seriously at her son. Despite being the root of the problems he was facing she was still his mother and she could see everything in his face. She knew through her own instincts what was wrong and what to do to fix it. And yet she wasn't his little boy anymore and could handle his own problems. It certainly meant something if he was able to talk to her about this now.

"And now?" She pressed.

"And _now_ I can admit that I allowed you guys to change me in a way I didn't like. But that's okay because you're my parents, you're my role models, and despite all of your faults I love you anyway." He reached up and scratched the back of his head. "I mean, other than dad hitting on Jo."

Laughter broke between the two at the absurdity of James's revelation.

"I can't say I didn't warn you," Brooke giggled. "I mean, he was the one that as soon as we got divorced started going out with younger and younger women. It was only matter of time until his midlife crisis really caught up with him."

"And I thought that whole 'bad boy wearing leather' thing was it," James shot back. He continued to laugh. "I remember when the guys told me they were looking for me after our band ended the first time. I think Logan was going to have a heart attack after seeing the way my dad dressed. You see, Logan has a distinct fear of bikers since the time we snuck away from the middle school field trip to the zoo and got lost."

To think hiking along the roads and being picked up by a biker gang would scar Logan that much that he visibly flinched every time he saw another one. _Then again he did too much research on the Hell's Angels and they did think it was funny to watch him cower at the idea of doing or saying something wrong, _James reminded himself.

"Plus, I think he always was afraid of dad so…"

"So we've established that you blame every bad thing that happened in your life on mine and your father's relationship," Brooke said. James looked away from her for a second. He wasn't as afraid of her as he used to be but it still worried him if he disappointed or hurt her in any way. "What does that have to do with what's going on now?"

Again, James raked his hand through his hair. "I watched you two enough to know how _not_ to keep my relationships going. I can finally admit that I miss Kendall and Logan and Carlos. I miss my friends."

"Sweetie, you _live_ with Carlos. And you see Logan nearly every day."

"Not the same way we used to. We don't get a chance to talk to each other as much because we're all so busy. And when I start touring and having other appearance and interview opportunities it's going to become even worse. I don't want to travel around the world and not have my best friends to talk to or have my back each step of the way even if we're not in the same space."

James reached out and grasped his mother's hand. "I love you, mom. But you _really_ need to lighten up sometimes." He stood up and leaned forward, giving his mother a kiss on the cheek. "And I really need to talk to my friends and Gustavo and Kelly and Shane…"

Brooke's motherly instincts continued to kick in every time it was needed. "What's up with this guy?"

"Nothing, nothing. There's just a few things that he's doing as my publicist that I'm not so happy about and this talk really helped." He stopped. "I mean, other than being the only one who was talking." He suddenly became afraid. "Oh gosh, I told you what to do didn't I? I know you don't like that. You're not going to fire me as your son are you?" He pressed his palms together. "I know you've threatened me with that a few times but I really didn't mean it."

A loud peal of laughter escaped Brooke's lips and she stood up, wrapping her arms around her son. James smiled and hugged her back, resting his chin on her head. "I could never fire you as my son, James. I love you too much. And I miss you."

"I miss you, too, mom."

"And you need to promise that you'll come back more often."

"Don't worry, mom. I'm already figuring out how to make a lot of stops here. I have plenty of people I need to see."

* * *

 **A/N:** Yeah, so, guess what I'm back into?

 **-Riles**


	17. Too Late For Sadness

**.:Chapter Sixteen:.**

Too Late For Sadness

* * *

"Carlos? Sweetie, are you okay?" Carlos rolled up into a sitting position and watched as Mrs. Knight walked into the crib. She sat down on the far end of the orange couch and crossed her legs at the knee. "We're all starting to become really worried about you."

"We?" Carlos repeated.

"All of your friends, your family…" Mrs. Knight motioned around the crib. "Honey, you haven't left this apartment since we got back from Minnesota."

Carlos shifted his lower jaw to the side as he thought about it. Had he really been inside all that time? He remembered Stephanie asking if he wanted to go to the premiere of the music video he worked on but he had a lot of work online and emails to get to. There were enough people who needed his time and attention; even fans so maybe he put a little too much emphasis on them. But that was to further his career. Just like everyone else was doing; Kendall went back to play hockey with a better sense of morale, James couldn't wait to get back into the studio, and Logan didn't complain about his schoolwork as much as he used to.

Though on a phone call with him the day before Carlos was sure Logan was doing his best not to speak through gritted teeth while relaying some of his latest paper corrections and what he learned in class. That always made Carlos smile and laugh a little. Logan had managed to calm down a bit but academics were always something he put a lot of thought and work into. Habit died hard.

"I haven't been here that much," Carlos protested.

"Honey, you're starting to lose your tan," Mrs. Knight pointed out with a light chuckle. She rested her cheek upon her palm. "Which seems to be a little difficult when you live in California." Carlos joined in with her laughter. "I mean, after a while I started to worry about Kendall and Katie, they looked _shockingly_ pale compared to the rest of you."

Carlos laughed harder.

Then Mrs. Knight sat up straight and rested her hands in her lap. "I haven't seen you laugh like that in a long time," she commented.

Carlos's laughter abruptly stopped. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch for a moment. He thought about denying it but knew it wasn't going to work. Mrs. Knight was a very smart lady and not only that but for as long as he could remember was like a second mother to him. Whenever his mother was busy with her real estate ventures and his father busy busting down criminals Mrs. Knight was the one that looked after him.

She drove him home and the others to his early morning hockey practices, to every hockey game, drove him home after late practices, took him into the house when his parents worked late. Everything she did for her own kids she would do for everyone else and he greatly appreciated it. Who else would willingly sign themselves away to be the legal guardian to three teenage boys when moving across the country? Who else continued to have an open mind about everything the boys went through and learned alongside them all the same?

And yet this was someone he still hadn't been able to learn how to lie to.

Or yet he rarely tried to knowing how easily she could see through him.

"What's going on, Carlos? You haven't been yourself lately." Mrs. Knight pushed her auburn hair off her forehead and behind her shoulders. "We're all starting to worry about you?"

Carlos lowered his chin. "So how come no one has said anything?"

A wry smile came to Mrs. Knight's face. "Because you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped," She explained. "And I think by now you know that, especially with what's been going on with everyone basically since we came out here." She ran her fingers through her hair. "Case in point; Gustavo never wanting any help, Camille not wanting any help with her acting career, the obvious…" Carlos smiled and nodded. "I could go on."

"And you could probably go on for years," Carlos agreed.

"Right, but we're talking about you." Mrs. Knight moved closer to Carlos and gently rubbed his shoulder. "You're the most sensitive person I know and I know this can't be easy for you. To see everything you've all worked hard for end within a few years."

That hit the nail on the head. Carlos tried his hardest to keep it quiet as he could. But Mrs. Knight knew what buttons to press and with what kind of force. As gentle as she was Carlos felt everything fly back to him. How surprised he was to know that Kendall wanted to take all of his best friends to form a music group to work with Gustavo. How disappointed he was to know that the three months they had to make a band was brought down to three days. How excited he was to get more things done in those three days than he had within his last sixteen years. How that excitement did nothing but continue to grow as their band grew in strength and size and climbed the charts and touched the hearts of everyone around him.

 _How did it all fall apart so fast?_ He thought. Sure, he wasn't quite trusting of Griffin's faith in their band if he managed to tear it apart twice despite the boys bouncing back. How could they have been at the top of the world then suddenly turn around and be right back at the bottom? What changed so that everyone suddenly wanted to go out and o their own thing when it was possible to do that and still be in a band?

How could he have been the only one who was blindsided by the whole thing? That wasn't necessarily true, all of his friends, his girlfriend—fiancée, and family had been just as surprised as he was. But he had to grin and bear it, watching as everyone found something to fall back on while he, as usual, was the odd man out.

"Carlos?"

"I feel numb," he finally admitted. Voice merely a whisper that barely managed to break over the sound of the AC running in the background. He hadn't realized the crib was so quiet. When had it gotten so quiet? Before or after everyone moved out?

A shaky sigh escaped his lips. Pain erupted in his chest and a lump formed in his throat, difficult to swallow. "I don't know what else to do," he whispered. He shook his head, bringing his hands up to run over his head. "I'm with James and Logan more than I'm with Steph and my other friends and yet I still feel empty. I still feel like nothing is ever going to be the same as it was before when the only thing that's different is that Kendall isn't here. And it's not like he hasn't been around before. James and I managed to get along at Camp Wonky Donkey just fine while Kendall was at hockey camp and Logan was at math camp."

"And yet you two managed to nearly get kicked out of it twice," Mrs. Knight pointed out.

Carlos laughed a hollow laugh. Honestly, that hadn't been their fault at all. There was someone at the camp, an older kid, who wouldn't stop picking on the two of them each chance he got. Carlos wasn't sure who he was, maybe James had an idea, but they were his target. Balls to the head when playing kickball, immediate target when there were water fights, kicks to their seats when passed by in the cafeteria, jeering looks.

It wasn't _their_ fault that he eventually ended up getting poisoned by the brownies that were made for dessert. Not that anyone could prove it anyway.

Leaning forward, Carlos rested his face in his palms. He scrubbed his fingers against his forehead and through his hair. "I don't know how to keep moving on while everyone else can just up and go without a second of thought."

"Sweetie, you know that's not true."

"Isn't it? Kendall jumped right into hockey _before_ the band even ended. James never wanted to be in a group, he's _always_ wanted to be a solo singer. Logan would probably give up the secrets to the world get a PHD in anything he can get his hands on and I'm sitting here…not knowing what to do. I've _never_ known what to do."

"That's not true."

"When BTR broke up the first me I wanted to be a superhero, Mama Knight," Carlos reminded her. "A _super hero!"_

Carlos lifted his head and watched as Mrs. Knight brought her hand up to cover her mouth, trying to hide the smile that was working its way onto her face. Frustrated, Carlos gestured towards her. "See?! Even you think that's crazy!"

Getting to his feet, Carlos started to pace back and forth. He clenched his hands into fists, cracked his knuckles, rubbed his arms, and clenched his hands once more. "I've always been crazy! I've never thought of what I would do in the future. It was always so far away that I didn't need to worry about it. But now it's here and I don't feel anything! I don't want to do some of my favorite things, I don't want to go to the movies, I don't want to go out with Steph; I've even stopped caring about the wedding!"

Mrs. Knight's eyebrows rose as she sucked in a sharp breath. If there was anyone who knew about how difficult marriages could be it certainly was her. Especially as she was still unsure of how her relationship with her not exactly ex-husband was supposed to work. (From the little that Katie or Kendall talked about it, anyway). She had been a big supporter of his and Stephanie's relationship even before they started going out and was the first to congratulate them when they announced their engagement despite how young they were.

"I don't care that I'm marrying her soon. I don't. I don't care that we'll actually be the family that I knew we could be since I met her. I don't care that our families may not get along. I don't care about the cake, the dress, the decorations, the venue, the reception; any of it! I don't care about anything anymore!" Tears started to well up in his eyes.

He could feel his resolve breaking and he was doing nothing to try and stop it. "And that scares me, Mama Knight. I don't know why I can't feel anything."

Mrs. Knight got up from her seat and walked over to Carlos, wrapping him up in a hug. He rested his chin on her shoulder and allowed her to give him that hug and compassion he desperately needed. He had all the time in the world to say it to his parents when he was home. What would that have done? Would they have forced him to stay behind until he was 'better' again? Would that have affected him and Steph if she stayed in LA while he was in Minnesota? Worse, would his family try to use that time to tear him and Steph apart? Would it help to be closer to Kendall during that time?

Continuing to rub his back, Mrs. Knight gently rocked Carlos back and forth. Finally, she took a step back and rested her hands on his face. "Carlos, it's normal to feel a sense of depression when something you've been doing for a long time has suddenly gone away."

 _Depression?_ He didn't dare say the word out loud.

It'd make it too real.

"But it's going to get worse if you continue to act like nothing is wrong. Putting yourself into your work is one thing but using it as an excuse to negate what _you're_ feeling and your mental health is dangerous and worrying." Mrs. Knight gave him a small smile. "You're almost twenty years old, you're an adult and I'm not your legal guardian anymore. But I'm always here to help you when you need it. And so is everyone else."

Carlos nodded.

"But I really think you need to sit down and talk to someone."

Carlos nodded again.

It was definitely time to talk.

* * *

 **A/N:** That moment when a story changes so much while you're writing it. *Rolls eyes*. Lol. But I knew that this had to be added to Carlos's plot since hearing about his struggles with depression since the band and show ended. I thought it worked well for his in-universe character as well.

 **-Riles**


	18. (Not) Too Late For Reunions

**.:Chapter Seventeen:.**

(Not) Too Late For Reunions

* * *

"You know, I never thought that I'd be glad to be sitting backstage somewhere again, but I definitely missed it," Kendall remarked, flopping down onto a leather couch. Using his palm, he smoothed his hair back off his forehead. "It's better than having a bunch of sweaty towels being through around all the time."

"You can't tell me that you don't bask in the attention of being on the hockey team like that," James said, from where he sat at the vanity mirror, getting his stage makeup done. He nodded as his makeup assistant moved away and turned to face his friends, a smirk rising to his lips. "I don't believe that for a second."

"No, James, that's just you," Logan remarked, from over the top of a notebook he was scribbling in. "Not all of us like to absorb as much attention from everyone around them as they can."

Carlos rolled his eyes before coughing "Camille" into his closed palm. Then he smiled innocently, leaning back in his seat as Logan slowly glared over at him and Kendall and James both laughed. "You have to admit, Logie, the only thing that can really get your attention other than school work is Camille. And that's only because she 'demands' your attention."

"Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever heard you tell her the word 'no'," James added. "'Yes, dear', 'Of course', 'Whatever you want', maybe. But not 'no'."

"Coming from the guy that was so afraid of his mother that he could never even _think_ of the word 'no' when she was around?" Logan shot back. "Yeah, I wouldn't be laughing, Momma's boy."

"I think that title goes more to Kendall," Carlos piped up, immediately halting Kendall's laughter.

Then he started once more and the four boys held onto their sides as they continued to laugh. Finally, their laughter subsided as they grinned around at each other. It was like old times when they would be waiting backstage at their old concerts. Before they had split apart to do their own thing. Before they started to wallow in their own self-pity unable to admit that they missed each other and being split apart was harder than they ever thought was possible. Before they were practically forced to come back together due to different issues they were facing.

"Can you believe James is doing his first solo show already?" Carlos finally changed the subject. He sighed wistfully. "Honestly, I never thought the day would get here. I mean with his ego, his demanding attitude, his feeling that he should be catered to, that he's the best thing in the world—"

"—that's just your jealousy talking," James said, undeterred by Carlos's (somewhat accurate) statements. He stretched out his legs and crossed them at the knee. "I'm just glad you guys were able to come. I didn't think you would with such short notice."

"I mean, considering Shane reminded us how great it would be for our own publicity…" Kendall pointed out.

"Katie threatened you?"

"Yeah, and my mom. Not that I wouldn't have come, but scheduling things around a hockey career is a little bit harder than I thought it would be. Thankfully I had the weekend off of practice and classes and stuff so…" He shrugged then leaned forward. Kendall rested his arms on his legs then ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I know we haven't _really_ talked about it because guys don't do this sort of thing," he smiled a little. "But I really missed having you guys around. Not just because you're my best friends and my brothers, but because it's hard to look out on the ice and not see you guys waiting on my pass."

"Oh God, we got loped into hearing a speech," Logan commented, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. "You'd think by now we could actually see it coming."

Carlos sniffed loudly. "My nose must not be working, I didn't smell it coming."

"Sorry, my hair stylist must've used too much hair spray," James apologized. To prove his point he tried to lift his arms from the rests of the chair, causing him to wince as his skin stretched. Then his eyes widened. "Never thought I'd say that."

" _Anyway_. I know that things have been hard for us the last couple of months and that we haven't been so…open with the way we've been feeling. But, honestly, I've missed you guy a lot. Not just on the ice, but cheering me on in the stands and just being there. There's no one else that understands me the way you guys do and I really took that for granted when I decided to go out there to play."

James raised an eyebrow. "Are you kidding? You wouldn't have given up the opportunity even if it was guaranteed to come around again!" He flicked his hair from his face. "Of course that just mean it was easier for me to take on the offer of going _solo_ …" He flinched as three pairs of glares turned his way. "I'm just saying…"

"You guys have always been there for me and as much as I miss you guys, I know there's a lot more for you out there than just following me around," Kendall said. He looked each of his friends in the eye. "I know I didn't really give you a chance when I forced you to come out here but you stuck by me anyway. I couldn't ask for better friends."

When he finished speaking there was a moment of silence that encompassed the room. Through that silence it allowed the sound of screaming, waiting fans to fill the room. Stage and crew members spoke rapidly as they moved back and forth in the hallways in front of the room. Memories flooded back to the four boys; their world tour, their impromptu shows at the Palm Woods, meeting all of their friends, continuing to grow as they made music they loved to perform as much as the loved to listen to.

It seemed so far away.

"And you really talked me down in terms of what was happening with my schoolwork," Logan agreed. That had been a hard part of the conversation the boys had. For someone who had been told for so long he was smart, having to be reassured over and over again that his smarts weren't the only positive traits he had was hard. Carlos had to go almost as far as to grab him by the shoulders and scream in his face that he was better than his brain. "It's a massive weight off my shoulders to know I'm not just 'the smart one'."

"Oh we never thought that," James reassured him. "We thought you were the 'funny looking one', too." He ducked out of the way of a pillow Logan threw his way then turned back to Carlos. "So how are things going with you?"

Carlos's smile waned a little. So he had been suffering from depression for a few months before having been diagnosed. But his doctor reassured him that it was normal having to go from a career that gave him massive highs, to it stopping on a dime. Anyone would probably feel the same way, but having had his entire life so invested in it didn't help as much. Now that he was able to talk about it, things were easier though still difficult at times.

Then Carlos's smile came back full force and he shrugged. "Things are great," he said. "I'm back with my friends, our wedding is soon, and I'm just happy."

Kendall looked at him suspiciously. "Maybe a little _too_ happy," he remarked. "The last time I saw you like this was when you got your first look at your helmet."

"Yeah," Logan agreed. "What's going on?"

Carlos just shrugged once more.

But his best friends weren't going to let him get out of it that easily.

"Oh come on, you can't keep a secret for more than a second," James pointed out. "Remember when you were supposed to keep it quiet that we were giving Mama Knight a spa day for her birthday and you told her the _second_ you found out?"

"How was I supposed to know she was right behind me?" Carlos defended himself.

"And what about Katie's birthday present?"

"To be fair she beat that one out of me."

"Which wasn't hard," Kendall teased.

"And Logan's being named Valedictorian?"

Carlos threw his hands into the air. "That wasn't even hard to guess! _Everyone_ knows Logan was going to be the Valedictorian!"

"Well you still didn't have to tell me," Logan insisted. "It ruined the surprise."

Carlos pressed his lips together. Kendall, Logan, and James all glanced at each other then leaned in towards him, all raising their eyebrows higher as the continued to lean into him. Finally, he turned his head away. "Fine," he muttered. "Steph's pregnant."

"What?!" Kendall, Logan, and James all cried in unison, leaning back away from him.

"Steph's pregnant."

Logan started to sputter incoherent words until he finally managed to ask, "What…How…When did you find out?"

"A couple months ago. But we didn't want to tell anyone until the first trimester passed, or if she started to show."

"Are we the first ones you told?" James asked.

Carlos's smile widened. "Apart from our families? No. The girls found out pretty quickly. But we had to promise them not to tell anyone." He held up his hands as the other three started to yell their outrage towards them. "I swear if I could I would've told you guys first." They started to say something else but he stopped them once more. "As for our families, my Mami and Papi are excited their having a grandchild. Steph's parents took some time to get over it. But there are still a few others that aren't so happy about it. We're dealing with it; it's not a big deal."

"But are _you guys_ happy? That's the most important part," Kendall pointed out.

"Ecstatic! Can't wait for him or her to get here!" Carlos ran a hand over his hair. "It's going to take some time to get used to the idea there's going to be another one of us around but, I'm excited." He then noticed James's hard stare his way. "And you guys are going to be uncles, of course."

James smiled.

There was a knock on the door and Shane opened it, sticking his head inside. "You're on James, let's get going."

"Got it." James nodded back and forced himself up from his chair as the door closed. He brushed off his front before turning to the mirror and made sure his hair fell neatly into place. "Well, this is it?"

"You're going to be amazing," Kendall said, clapping his hand down onto James's shoulder. "I always thought so." He couldn't help himself before he added, "And apparently Shane did, too."

James rolled his eyes as his friends laughed. "Ha ha. Very funny, guys."

"Oh, I don't know. I don't think James would be the only person to think that every gay guy is hitting on him," Logan said. "He just has the biggest ego to _automatically_ think of it." James shoved him away from him and turned his attention back to the mirror once more. Then he sighed and stood up straight. "I kind of wish you guys were coming out onstage with me."

"So why don't we?" Carlos suggested. "Just do one song for the fans?"

"It's the least we can do having had stopped so fast," Logan agreed. He smiled. "And, I miss it, too."

"Besides," Kendall said. "No one ever said Big Time Rush was done forever."

With that the boys hurried out of the dressing room and towards the stage.

It was as Kendall had said.

Big Time Rush was never going to end as long as they were brothers.

And no one and nothing was going to change that.

The cheers slowly increased to a roar.

* * *

 **THE END**

* * *

 **A/N:** Yes, the story is over! Though I never intended it to be a long story for those who may be surprised it's so short (compared to my other stories). And I thought the book-end of it being about all four guys and not from any specific POV was a nice touch if I do say so myself.

It's changed a lot from what I originally planned it, like a lot. While writing it I realized it worked better as focusing on the guys and in that aspect my characters didn't entirely need to be there but it brought in some other dynamics on some chapters. Some things had to be cut for not making sense or pacing problems and I realized focusing on the guys and how they reacted without each other was the entire story. Plus it was fun to explore and I feel it really lined up with Big Time Move, which addressed it, but in a more kiddish way.

I hope you guys liked it. Thank you so much for those who read and reviewed and favorite. For my first foray back into BTR, which took me almost a year to complete, I'm glad it went so well.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riles**


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